Chapter 1 – What tattoo did you get? Peppa pig?

“You have arrived at your destination. The target is on the left side of the road. Thank you for using XX Navigation.”

The mechanical female voice in the phone ended abruptly. Zhong Weishi stood on the wide overpass, looking completely bewildered.

In front of him were two escalators that had stopped running. To his left was the path he had just come up, and to his right and behind him were stairs leading both up and down.

He turned around and counted: there were a total of seven different paths branching out, extending in various directions across the road.

Was this a fvcking overpass or an octopus?

Who the hell designed this road?

Is this what people do?

At this moment, it was the rush hour, and a massive crowd surged onto the overpass like a swarm of zombies,clamouring loudly and incessantly moving.

Below him was a constant stream of traffic.

Based on the sweet navigation prompt, his options were either to retrace his steps or jump off the overpass.

It really killed a directionally challenged like him.

Zhong Weishi opened the walking navigation again, but a small line of text popped up when he searched for his destination: You are too close to the destination to use navigation oh~

… fvck.

Suppressing his frustration, Zhong Weishi closed the app and dialed Qiangzi’s number.

Qiangzi’s full name was Huangfu Qiang. He had a surname straight out of a Mary Sue romance drama, but was stuck with a first name that was only slightly better than Tiezhu, truly embodying the phrase, “wasting a good hand of cards.” ¹The humor lies in the contrast between the grand, aristocratic surname “皇甫” (Huangfu) and the simple given name “强” (Qiang). The name “强” is slightly better than “铁柱” (Tiezhu, meaning “Iron Pillar”), which is used as a humorous example of a basic, unsophisticated name. This mismatch suggests that despite having a prestigious surname, the ordinary first name makes it feel like he’s wasting a good opportunity, like playing a great hand of cards poorly.

Qiangzi quickly picked up: “Ge, when are you getting here? We’re just waiting for you.”

His voice was raspy and slurred, a clear sign that he was smoking.

“I fvcking…” Zhong Weishi was too embarrassed to admit that he’d been wandering back and forth on the overpass for nearly half an hour and still hadn’t found the place. “My phone’s about to die. Come out and pick me up. I’m on an overpass that looks like an octopus.”

“Oh, just take the western path down about ten meters and you’ll be there. The shop has a small entrance. I’ll be at the door waiting for you,” Qiangzi said with a cigarette in his mouth as he leisurely headed downstairs.

West side.

If he knew where the west side was, would he have wasted his phone bill?

Zhong Weishi stood in the middle of the overpass, spinning in a circle in every direction. He didn’t spot any tattoo shops, but he did see a women’s lingerie store. The floor-to-ceiling windows were spotless, and a row of female mannequins stood at the entrance, striking seductive poses with bizarre makeup.

“I see a lingerie store, something like My Eternal Love Lolita,” Zhong Weishi said with wrinkled brows.

“What?” Qiangzi was just as confused and emphasized loudly, “The west side ah. Walk a few steps west, and you’ll find it.”

What a dog day.²It’s like saying “Seriously, this is all messed up.”

Zhong Weishi raised his voice. “I’m not a fvcking compass! How would I know where west is?!”

Huangfu Qiang never expected his Shi-ge to have such a unique level of IQ. It proved that the universe was fair—good-looking people often only had their looks going for them.

But fearing for his life, Qiangzi only dared to remind him gently, “Just look up and face the direction of the sun, and then…”

Before he could finish, the call ended abruptly with a curt “Oh.”

As Zhong Weishi retraced his steps, he cursed under his breath. Who knew he’d circled this place four or five times already and still hadn’t found that “best tattoo shop on the whole street, where people travel dozens of kilometers just to get inked” that Qiangzi had talked about.

He thought to himself, for such a renowned shop, it ought to be at least a bit bigger than a public restroom, right? But all he could see around him were small eateries and milk tea shops.

“Hey! Ge!” Qiangzi waved at him next to an electric scooter. “Over here!”

Zhong Weishi turned around, walked over, and glanced at the sign: Paris Glamour Boutique Menswear.

Inside the transparent display windows were summer collections of men’s t-shirts, pants, and… various knock-off CK underwear.

The male mannequin near the entrance was wearing cartoon underwear with a SpongeBob SquarePants pattern.

Sexy was an understatement.

At the mannequin’s feet, Zhong Weishi spotted a small black sign, roughly the size of a palm. There was crooked handwriting on it: Tattoos, eyebrow tattoos, ear cleaning, haircuts, and manicures on the 2nd floor.

… The range of business was quite comprehensive.

“Did you get yours done?” Zhong Weishi looked him up and down, noticing no change on his arms.

“Not yet. Waiting for you to do together.” Huangfu Qiang hooked an arm around his neck, leading him inside. “I just picked out a design with a lot of artistic flair. A blood-red rose. The boss says he can make it 3D.”

“What the hell?” Zhong Weishi was somewhat speechless. “Why don’t you just go all out and get it in 5D? That’d be more exciting.”

Just last night, Huangfu Qiang had suddenly called, saying he received a private job. The client was from a promising company with a clear business direction, and the job was supposedly simple. By the end of the conversation, it turned out they wanted him to collect debts.

“We’re a legitimate debt collection service, nationwide. No success, no charge. Absolute integrity.” Qiangzi had passionately declared over the phone.

“Not going!” Zhong Weishi refused without hesitation.

“Come on ah! How could we do this without you taking the lead! Out of all of us, you’re the only one who’s played a thug! You play your roles so convincingly. We need to learn from you!” Qiangzi was practically shouting with enthusiasm.

“…”

Zhong Weishi, a long-time stand-in actor on the edge of the entertainment industry, had played everything from eunuchs and palace maids to guards, corpses, thugs, and perverts—none of which lasted more than ten seconds on screen.

But anyhow, it’s also considered to have a colorful acting experience.

Playing a street thug? Not a problem at all.

But was he really the kind of guy to be motivated by money?

Debt collection was something he had only ever seen on TV.

Getting caught would mean… not getting beheaded, but definitely being dragged to the police station for questioning.

His acting career couldn’t afford such a stain!

“You can get a 3,000-yuan commission per job. I’ll split it with you half and half.”

“Deal! It’s settled, then.”

There was no crown on his head, so why should he be afraid to bow down?

Before this, Qiangzi had worked as an internet café network administrator and had never been involved in such a magically twisted side gig.

In his understanding, debt collection was all about scaring people and strength in numbers, so he roped in Zhong Weishi and a few brothers to boost morale.

The first step to playing the part of a thug, of course, was to smoke, get a perm, and get a tattoo.

Though the shop had a small entrance, it was surprisingly spacious inside. The decor was simple but stylish, exuding understated luxury. The cashier’s counter was a large solid-wood desk, and the middle-aged owner sat with his legs crossed, watching a movie. The table was equipped with an entire tea set, and a spiral redwood staircase led to the second floor.

When someone walked in, the owner reflexively looked up.

He froze for a moment.

The young man standing at the entrance was around 24 or 25, and the first impression he gave off was simply stunning.

His skin, contrasted with the person next to him, looked especially fair. His facial features were sharply defined, with soft bangs partially covering his brows and a pair of classic standard peach blossom eyes.

Normally, a face like his with those eyes should be charming and approachable. However, his slightly raised brows gave him an air of cool indifference and casual aloofness.

Even in a simple hoodie and sweatpants, his tall and lean figure was impossible to hide.

“Xiao Qiang, is this your friend ah?” The owner, who knew Huangfu Qiang, casually asked.

“Yeah, I came with him to get a tattoo.” Qiangzi grinned.

“What do you want to get?” The boss looked at Zhong Weishi, sensing that he had more guts than Huangfu Qiang. He introduced with great interest, “We have tattoo artists here who graduated from design academies. Besides the usual stuff like the Azure Dragon and White Tiger, we can design a one-of-a-kind, full-body piece for you. The latest trend is 3D mechanical tattoos—vibrant colors, with a striking, three-dimensional effect…”

The boss lifted his t-shirt to reveal his own tattoo, proudly showing it off. “How about this? Pretty visually impactful, right?”

Zhong Weishi suddenly narrowed his eyes.

—On the man’s pale belly was a large peony, symbolizing wealth and prosperity, with a peac0ck spreading its feathers across his waist.

It was definitely a strong impact.

The design was incredibly lifelike, almost identical to the “Peony of Wealth” cross-stitch hanging on display at the embroidery shop downstairs from his apartment!

Meeting the boss’s eager and expectant gaze, Zhong Weishi coldly and decisively asked, “Do you have any temporary tattoo stickers?”

Boss: “…”

Qiangzi: “…”

“Just pick a design yourself,” The boss said, pulling out a thick stack of temporary tattoo stickers from behind the counter.

Right on top was a pink Peppa Pig sticker in various poses and styles, which seemed to be quite trendy these days.

One of them even had wings and a fairy wand, looking oddly cute.

Seeing how his friend’s gaze lingered affectionately on the pigs, Qiangzi quickly pulled him aside. “I already said I’m treating you ah! Don’t worry about the money! How are you going to intimidate people when we go to collect debts later? How are you going to scare people with four or five blow dryers? Or… are you afraid of the pain?”

Zhong Weishi wanted to ask what exactly made his garish blood-red rose any better than a few pigs ah. Honestly, the whole thing was just ridiculous.

But Zhong Weishi couldn’t be bothered to dampen his enthusiasm. After all, Qiangzi had been talking about getting a full-sleeve tattoo since childhood, and it had taken him years to finally muster up the courage.

“I really don’t want a tattoo.” Zhong Weishi said seriously.

He wasn’t an idiot. He wasn’t about to mess around with Qiangzi over some sketchy side gig. Forget the 3D peonies and roses—even if it were mythical creatures like qilins or phoenixes, he had no interest.

He didn’t want to cover his body with those kinds of random things.

His body wasn’t just his alone.

Huangfu Qiang stared at him for a moment, then seemed to understand. “Alright, then just get a sticker. Pick whichever design you like, I’ll buy it for you.”

Casually, Qiangzi slipped away the Peppa Pig family pack from the top of the pile. He didn’t want his friend to become the city’s most handsome lunatic.

In the end, Zhong Weishi picked one of the Four Evil Creatures from ancient mythology: Qiongqi.

It had the head of a tiger and the body of a lion, with sharp claws and teeth, paired with wings. Its savage maw was open wide, and its entire body seemed engulfed in a sinister flame. The design stretched from his chest all the way to his arm.

It actually looked pretty cool. Combined with Zhong Weishi’s natural roguish air, it made him look every bit the part of a thug—just as long as you don’t look closer.

“Is this thing waterproof?” Zhong Weishi touched the tail of the Qiongqi tattoo on his arm. His hand came away clean, without any smudges.

Magical.

“As long as you don’t scrub it too hard, it’ll last about ten days,” The boss said.

Ten days should be enough.

It’s just a debt collection job. If they can’t do it, they could just raid the person’s house.

Not paying back what you owe? It’s against him.

“Oh, by the way,” Zhong Weishi said, pulling on his hoodie, “What’s the deal with the guy who owes the money ah? Have you done your research and visited him over the past few days?”

As a seasoned Internet café network administrator, Huangfu Qiang had a wide circle of friends across various fields. He quickly received 999+ tidbits of information when he asked in his gaming group.

“Er’Gou, full name Zhang Gou, in his late 30s. He roams all over Yucheng. Apparently, he puts on airs, looks pretty decent, and has been seeing a divorced woman named Li Yuqin. She lives in the Qingfeng Garden over in the southern district, and Er’Gou visits her often.”

Qingfeng Garden was an older complex near the city center. Over the past decade, property prices have skyrocketed; a unit of about a hundred square meters could cost around three million.

Most of the residents there were rich people.

“Does that woman have any family? Should we just wait for her at her house to block her?” Zhong Weishi thought that seemed a bit inappropriate.

“Yeah, I heard she got divorced a long time ago and lives alone. If worse comes to worst, we can just ask her directly for the money. After all, she’s the one supporting that gigolo,” Huangfu Qiang replied.

“…” So to deal with one woman, he was turning himself into the most eye-catching lunatic on the whole street.

Zhong Weishi was genuinely worried about his bro’s intelligence.

By the time Huangfu Qiang finished with that flashy 3D blood-red rose, it was already past eight in the evening.

They hadn’t even gotten the money yet, and Qiangzi had already overspent by fifteen hundred.

Zhong Weishi felt a pang of sympathy. He hadn’t expected that temporary tattoo sticker would cost a hundred!

But Qiangzi was unfazed. “Ge, look at it this way: this thing lasts for ten days, so it’s just ten yuan a day. Just skip a pack of cigarettes, and you’re good.”

“Forget it.” Zhong Weishi decided to let it go. “It’s not my money anyway.”

Qiangzi: “…”

As they bid farewell to the tattoo shop owner, he reminded them, “When you shower, don’t scrub too hard. What comes off isn’t dirt; it’s money.”

“…Got it,” Zhong Weishi replied.

The tattoo artist handed him a business card. “Welcome to come by often! I think your back would be perfect for a tattoo of the Mona Lisa’s smile. I designed it myself; it’s different from Da Vinci’s but it’s equally satisfactory.”

Zhong Weishi wanted to retort, Why don’t you just fvcking say Along the River During the Qingming Festival,³Handscroll painting by the Song dynasty painter Zhang Zeduan. wouldn’t you make more money?

But Qiangzi beat him to it. “Definitely, definitely! I’ll come by at the end of the year when I get my bonus.”

“…” A broken Internet cafe actually has a bonus?

After being distracted for a couple of seconds, Zhong Weishi realized that his focus seemed to be off.

Huangfu Qiang also handed a business card to the tattoo artist.

With a white background and bold red letters, it was eye-catching.

Xicheng Express Debt Collection Team: Construction payments, triangular debts, extramarital affair investigation collection, legal debt collection, nationwide service, no success, no fee. Welcome to call: xxx. Project Manager: Huangfu Phantom.

“Feel free to contact me. We also offer small loans—just provide a photo of your ID or a copy of your household registration. No collateral needed…” Qiangzi began to promote his new business.

Sitting on Qiangzi’s electric scooter, Zhong Weishi held his new business card between his fingers, feeling a mix of emotions. “What the hell is this Phantom? Is that the second child of your Huangfu family that accidentally strayed away back then?”

“My stage name. Doesn’t it sound more mysterious?” Qiangzi chuckled as he snatched the card from Zhong Weishi’s hand.

After dinner at a roadside stall, Qiangzi began to fret about his image again. “Ge, now that I’m getting a tattoo, should I also dye my hair? I’m thinking that trendy cool purple, with a layer of stylish gray on top. I’ve seen a bunch of students at the internet café with that color—it really suits their skin tone and makes them look lively…”

Zhong Weishi couldn’t take it anymore. “That’s because those people have fair skin that complements the color. You have an unmistakable Mongoloid race complexion. What’s the difference between making it like that and putting a potted flower on a shit?”

“…” Qiangzi endured the humiliation and quietly added a bowl of beef rice to his order. “He’ll pay later.”

Author’s Note:

This is a lighthearted and sweet story. The main character will appear in the next chapter. Additionally, the work was completed in 2019 and has many shortcomings; I hope for your understanding.