Chapter 19 – “Not the best man… the male prostitute oh.”

That night, Zhong Weishi had a bizarre dream.

In the dream, Gu Lizhou took him to one of those high-end barbershops where you needed a membership card just to get your hair done. The new stylist, Tony¹This term was coined by Chinese young people to jokingly refer to hairdressers. It was when someone complained in an online forum that their hairdresser chatted all the time while giving them a haircut just to sell hairdressing products and prepaid membership cards. The netizens also mocked that the hairdressers always give themselves English name where Tony, being the most popular choice., gave him the ugliest bowl cut imaginable, complete with bangs that revealed his eyebrows, making it look like he was wearing a safety helmet on his forehead.

When the hair at the back of his head was lifted, a rainbow dye job was revealed underneath.

It was gorgeous, enchanting, and expensive—but completely unnatural for a normal person.

Behind him, Gu Lizhou exclaimed a “wow” and clapped his hands. “It looks great, looks great, it really suits you.”

Zhong Weishi was on the verge of tears, but he only had two small coins left in his pocket, nowhere near enough to pay for the haircut.

Next, Gu Lizhou took him to a boutique and bought him a designer suit worth several thousand yuan without batting an eye.

The two of them then sat in a luxury car together.

Zhong Weishi was confused. “Are you asking me to be your best man?”

Gu Lizhou smiled mysteriously, gently caressing the back of his head. His movements were soft.

Zhong Weishi caught a faint whiff of tobacco.

“Not the best man… the male prostitute oh.”

Zhong Weishi suddenly woke up!

The first thing he did after waking up was check his hair. Thank goodness, thank goodness, it was still intact.

He let out a couple of deep breaths, and his heart rate slowly returned to normal.

The air conditioning in the room had a mediocre cooling effect, and the nightmare had left his forehead sweating profusely.

As he got up to brush his teeth and wash his face, he seriously started analyzing this strange dream.

It was probably because, deep down, Zhong Weishi still thought of Gu Lizhou as a kept man—a gigolo, perhaps?

Was he?

Was he not?

Other than a rich second-generation or a gigolo, he really couldn’t think of any profession where someone could laze around all day without working and still live so carefree and comfortably.

After rinsing his mouth, Zhong Weishi opened the window and shouted, “Aunt Song! One jianbing, please!”

Auntie Song looked up and responded, “Got it~”

Just as Zhong Weishi pulled his head back in, a head popped out of the back window of Room 303.

“You’re making a lot of noise.” Gu Lizhou’s tone was unfriendly, laced with a strong dose of morning grumpiness.

Startled, Zhong Weishi stuck his head halfway out the window to face him. He felt a bit embarrassed, especially after recalling last night’s dream.

“The early bird gets the worm.”

“What about the early worm?”

“Yawn, the lazy person’s excuse.”

The windows in Zhong Weishi’s bedroom hadn’t been cleaned in ages, and the outer layer was covered in dusty grime, so he couldn’t clearly see Gu Lizhou’s expression. But he could see him stretch lazily, yawning with both hands covering his cheeks.

Zhong Weishi thought of how, every time Qiangzi yawned, he would open his mouth wide like a roaring beast. Sitting across from him, one could even see his trembling little tongue—a complete lack of decorum. But Gu Lizhou was different.

Even his yawns were elegant.

It’s a pity he’s a gigolo.

Wait, what’s a pity about a gigolo? Isn’t being a gigolo a profession in itself? Looking attractive and being seductive—that’s a unique skill, right?

Ah, ah, ah…

No!

A gigolo is basically the embodiment of a greedy, lustful, lazy, and degenerate man!

Zhong Weishi felt like the two little figures in his head were about to start fighting. Just as he was about to close the window and head out, that degenerate man on the opposite side said something that nearly made him stumble.

“Do you have a decent job there to introduce me to one?”

“Ha?”

The corners of Zhong Weishi’s lips twitched, and a thought instantly popped into his head: Did this guy got dumped by a rich woman?

Just as office workers spend every day wondering what to eat for their three meals, Gu Lizhou’s daily routine was about finding ways to add some amusement to his otherwise dull life.

Recalling how he’d once told Gu Lizhou at the police station, “Oh, so you’re unemployed. You should’ve just told me earlier—I could’ve shared a job with you,” he casually asked the question.

He thought if something came up, great; if not, then forget it.

But to his surprise, Zhong Weishi became unusually enthusiastic about Gu Lizhou’s job search, almost like an old father researching college applications for his son.

His excitement was overflowing.

“You’ve come to the right person if you’re looking for a job.” Zhong Weishi dragged a chair over in front of Gu Lizhou, putting on the look of a seasoned guide. “Do you have any special skills?”

Gu Lizhou stretched out a leg.

Straight and long.

“…” Zhong Weishi pursed his lips, resisting the urge to curse. But in order to help this lost lamb find a new direction in life, he held back his temper and smiled kindly. “I’m serious. What kind of work experience have you had before ah?”

Gu Lizhou hadn’t expected him to ask that and, fearing he’d dig further, hesitated for a moment before shaking his head. “No.”

Zhong Weishi knew from Gu Lizhou’s moment of hesitation that it had to be an unspeakable and disgraceful job.

Good, it’s nice to see a grown man knowing shame.

He patted Gu Lizhou on the shoulder. “Then, congratulations on deciding to turn over a new leaf. You’re still welcome in the harmonious society.”

The more Gu Lizhou listened, the more confused he became, his eyes narrowing into slits.

Zhong Weishi: “Have you thought about what kind of work you want to do?”

Gu Lizhou: “Whatever.”

From the moment he signed with the Xinghe Century website, he hadn’t considered doing anything in his life besides creating. He hadn’t thought about loving anything else either. This “whatever” sounded casual and indifferent, but underneath it lay deep helplessness and pain.

Of course, Zhong Weishi couldn’t sense his state of mind and only saw him as the typical example of someone with no ambition, just going through the motions.

Zhong Weishi pulled up a WeChat group dedicated to job postings, and the first message made his eyes brighten.. “Come, how about you look at this? I think it’s perfect for you.”

Hearing this, Gu Lizhou leaned in with anticipation.

The job was for a male technician at Cloud Paradise. Requirements: handsome and charismatic, suave and elegant. Local dialect and Mandarin fluency are a preferred. Exceptionally good-looking candidates will be hired with special consideration. No experience necessary; training provided. Room and board included.

Salary: 5,000-10,000, no upper limit.

The slap that Gu Lizhou threw out was crisp and loud.

Zhong Weishi, rubbing the bump on his head with a pained expression, said, “Didn’t you say whatever? This job pays so well. What’s wrong with it? Besides, look at the requirements; it’s practically tailor-made for you!”

Gu Lizhou raised his arm again, and this time Zhong Weishi dodged quickly. “I-I-I-I’ll look for another one! I’ll keep looking!”

Gu Lizhou barely managed to suppress his fury.

Did he look so powerless?!

At least back in the day, he was the king of the Xinghe Century website, dominating the top of the charts for years!

He had an SSS-level diamond badge, and he was the only one on the entire site with it! He broke records in clicks, favorites, and sales—anything with a number, he was first!

The kind of first that is far ahead!

“Then how about this one?” Zhong Weishi, still excited, handed him another job listing.

Security patrol for factory grounds. Requirements: No gender preference, aged 30-45, hardworking, able to endure hardships, follow instructions, no stuttering, no infectious diseases, and a passion for security work.

Salary: 2,500-3,200, with a full attendance bonus of 100, meal subsidy of 8 yuan per meal, and overtime pay at 1.5 times.

Food and accommodation included: 4-6 person dorm with air conditioning, water heater…

Gu Lizhou: “…”

This time, Zhong Weishi dodged the moment Gu Lizhou raised his arm. “What are you doing ah! What are you doing ah! What’s wrong with this one now ah! I think you meet all the requirements ah! It’s an easy job most of the time, but in critical moments, you can show off your manly prowess. If I were old enough, I’d do it too! And did you see the meal subsidy!”

Gu Lizhou mentally repeated “killing is illegal” several times, took a deep breath, and pointed to his hair. “This hairstyle cost me 3,600. Do you think this salary is enough to even get stuck between my teeth?”

Zhong Weishi, stiff-necked, lectured him: “You need to be practical, understand? You’ve got no work experience and no real skills, yet you still want a high-paying, prestigious job. Where do you think you’ll find that ah! If I could, I’d have already taken it! It wouldn’t be your turn!”

Gu Lizhou simply didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. “At least show me a job that requires some skill. This is work an old man walking his bird in the park could do. Isn’t it a waste of talent to have me do it?”

Zhong Weishi: “You’ve already wasted 32 years anyway.”

Gu Lizhou: “…”

“You want a job with some skill, right?” Zhong Weishi pointed backward with his hand. “You know that ‘Chengmei Cross Stitch’ downstairs? They’re always hiring skilled cross-stitch workers. No age limit, and the more you work, the more you earn. It’s all based on skill. One piece can get you a few hundred in commission. I noticed you’ve got long, slender fingers; you must have talent for this.”

Gu Lizhou clenched his fists so hard his bones cracked.

Zhong Weishi sighed helplessly, “Why are you so difficult? This doesn’t work, that doesn’t work. Why don’t you just pretend to be deaf and mute and go beg on the street! I’ll ask around the film crew and borrow a beggar’s outfit for you.”

Gu Lizhou fell silent, realizing that letting a retard plan his life had been a catastrophically wrong decision.

Zhong Weishi thought Gu Lizhou was seriously considering the suggestion and tilted his head at him. “You’re not actually taking this seriously, are you? Have you forgotten what Old Li told us? Have you forgotten the oath you swore at the police station? From now on, be a decent person. Do you still remember the Eight Virtues and Eight Shames? Be proud of hard work and ashamed of laziness and bad labor! Brother, don’t lose yourself at the crossroads of life ah—”

Zhong Weishi racked his brain to educate.

Gu Lizhou rested his hand on his forehead and weakly waved him off. “Enough, just leave me alone.”

Zhong Weishi took a bite of his now-cold jianbing guozi and gently urged, “I’m not trying to discourage you ah, but when you’re just starting to look for a job, don’t set your expectations too high. As long as you can earn a living, that’s enough. Just look at me, I’m doing just fine. In life, the most important thing is to be happy. Happy every day, you know?”

At the mention of the word “happy,” Gu Lizhou slumped over the table, his eyelids drooping like a depressed cat.

He really wished he could experience that kind of retarded happiness, but who let him have a brain that just wouldn’t stop?

Zhong Weishi swallowed the rest of the jianbing and was about to leave, but curiosity got the better of him and he leaned closer. However, after thinking about it, he realized that invading someone else’s privacy probably wasn’t right, so he stood up again.

Without lifting his eyelids, Gu Lizhou muttered, “Spit it out.”

This is what you asked me to do ah!

Zhong Weishi sat back down, nudging his shoulder. “What did you… do before ya? It seems like you made a lot of money.”

Gu Lizhou knew he was trying to fish for a part-time job. “You wouldn’t be able to handle it.”

Zhong Weishi stiffened his neck. “Why can you do it and I can’t?! How do you know I can’t?”

Without hesitation, Gu Lizhou replied, “Your factory settings didn’t come with a brain.”

Zhong Weishi was so furious he seethed with anger, and blurting out, “Oh, so you’ve got a brain? If you’re so smart, how come you can’t even find a job?”

Gu Lizhou gave him a sideways glance. “Who told you I couldn’t find a job? When I was dominating the scene, you were probably still in some corner drinking milk.”

Zhong Weishi threw his head back and laughed out loud.

“Don’t believe me?”

“Tell me about it, then ah.”

Men just couldn’t be provoked.

Gu Lizhou took a deep breath, preparing to modestly but impressively reveal his past achievements.

“Let’s put it this way, I’ll give you a few hints, and you can try to guess.” Gu Lizhou said.

“Alright ah,” Zhong Weishi was intrigued.

“Internet, characters, plot, world-building, fantasy, classic… absolutely epic.”

Zhong Weishi clapped his hands. “So, you were playing online games?!”

“Really close!” Gu Lizhou pointed to himself with pride. “I’m the guy who created that legendary world.”

Zhong Weishi frowned, “Sold computers?”

Can’t communicate at all ah!

Gu Lizhou slumped back onto the table. “Scram ah, I need some time alone.”

“Don’t ah, don’t ah,” Zhong Weishi nudged Gu Lizhou’s shoulder. “You’ve already said this much, just satisfy my curiosity. I promise I won’t tell anyone.”

Gu Lizhou raised an eyebrow, “You really want to know that much?”

Zhong Weishi opened his mouth slightly and nodded eagerly.

Gu Lizhou ran his fingers through his hair, leaning back. “Actually, I’m someone who had immense popularity online, created countless classics, and once dominated the entire…”

“Wait wait wait,” Zhong Weishi pulled out his cell phone, “I need to take a call.”

“Hey! It’s Zhong Weishi ah!”

“En, en, en, Mr. Sun ah. Hello, hello, hello, you’re saying!

“Can ah, can ah! To be honest, I’m a hugely popular model in my social circle, creating countless hits, and was just this close to becoming famous. Payment per day works fine.”

“Uh-huh, and you’re giving out free sample underwear after the shoot ah? So good! You’re the most generous boss I’ve ever met, hehe.”

Zhong Weishi happily walked out, leaving behind a lonely figure in the living room.

Gu Lizhou sighed helplessly.

It was true that his legendary story could only be reduced to a topic of conversation after everyone’s tea.

No, it didn’t even get a turn in the conversation.

After all these years, did any of his readers still miss him?

After he stopped writing, Gu Lizhou focused on his treatment—exercising, traveling, sleeping, relaxing, and engaging in social activities. He took part in all sorts of beneficial pastimes, except for reading.

He didn’t even have the courage to log back into the Xinghe Century backstage again.

He felt sorry for those who had loved him.

Forget it! Stop thinking about it! Sleeping is what matters most now.

Gu Lizhou launched himself onto the bed, just about to drift into sleep when his phone buzzed on the nightstand.

It was a message from Zhong Weishi.

[The Head Thing from 301]: I’ve found another great job for you.

[The Head Thing from 301]: High pay, low effort, the only requirement is that you’ve got to be handsome with good genes. Half of the world’s population can’t even apply, which shows how exclusive it is. And the most important part: to complete it, you’ll need real skill! I think it’s absolutely perfect for you. You’re the only one for this!

Gu Lizhou didn’t even want to reply, but couldn’t suppress a tiny bit of curiosity.

[Useless Yet Awake]: ?

Zhong Weishi sent a small advertisement on a roadside utility pole asking for a child.

I, Zhang Miaochun, 30, curvy and charming, my husband is a local businessman, but due to an unfortunate accident, he has lost his ability to have children. To continue the family’s huge business empire, we are seeking a tall, strong, healthy, and handsome man to help me fulfill my dream of becoming a mother… Successful pregnancy will be generously rewarded.

Gu Lizhou blocked him without hesitation, but a moment later, Zhong Weishi sent a friend verification request.

[Weishi]: Hey, hey, hey, it was just a joke! Don’t be mad ah! Be a man and let it go!

[Weishi]: Hello?

[Weishi]: Alright,, I’m sorry! Forgive me!

Gu Lizhou laughed as he added him back and updated the contact note.

[Useless Yet Awake]: You’re annoying as hell.

[Lunatic]: Oh, right. You didn’t finish what you were saying earlier. What is it that you do again?

[Useless Yet Awake]: A rich man who makes money while lying down and doing nothing.

[Lunatic]: …

Gu Lizhou tossed his phone aside.

Inside, he felt extremely comfortable.