Category: My Crush Picked Up My Diary (Page 5 of 5)

Mai Dong regretted it deeply. He knew for sure it would be like this, knew that Yan Xuming must have seen it. He insisted on this unnecessary move and wanted to ask.

But deep down, he also understood his own thoughts. It was nothing more than the unwillingness of a crush and a desire to get closer. Breaking the pot just seemed fitting. After all, since Yan Xuming had seen it, why not take this opportunity to have a few more words with him?

He even wanted to get Yan Xuming’s questioning and rejection, as if participating in a segment of Yan Xuming’s life. In a twisted way, he thought that maybe in the future, Yan Xuming would remember having such a pursuer, and that would be enough.

Sometimes, Mai Dong doubted whether he was a masochist, insisting on things going south to a certain point before he would give up. With these thoughts, he replied.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. If you feel offended, I’ll tear off that page right away. I really didn’t mean anything else. I’m truly sorry.”

Yan Xuming replied, “Don’t feel embarrassed or awkward. I opened it, read a few lines, realized it was a diary, and didn’t read further. Get some rest soon.”

Yan Xuming was always considerate, Mai Dong had always known that.

This kind of consideration carried a sense of lofty detachment, making Mai Dong always feel that Yan Xuming was someone above everyone else.

He compassionately observed everyone with an equal God’s-eye view. Like when he, as the vice president of the student union, agreed to help the Hanfu Club as a living advertisement, smiling and distributing promotional flyers for a whole day.

And there was… in high school.

During the high school sports meet, Mai Dong and his deskmate were reluctantly dragged into a three-legged race. Both were typical bookish nerds, with Mai Dong’s deskmate being even more extreme—a chubby guy with bottle-bottom glasses.

With no athletic talent and no coordination between them, it was unsurprising that after struggling to move about five or six meters, they ended up harshly falling onto the track. Knees were scr4p3d, the wounds mingling blood and dust, a painful and embarrassing sight.

At that time, Mai Dong felt both frustrated and angry.

Frustrated with himself for not being able to perform even such a simple “parent-child game” well, and angry with his chubby desk mate for essentially acting as his burden. Although Mai Dong was an obscure figure, he was not a pushover. His deskmate tripped right before the fall, which was the main reason for them being wrestled together.

So he sat on the ground, frowning, because of pain and anger.

Yan Xuming appeared at that very moment. He had just finished running in the relay race. His face was slightly red, holding a bottle of water given by a girl, which he had drunk half of. He handed over a portable iodine swab and said, “Is it okay? Let me help you clean up.”

For various reasons, Mai Dong didn’t believe that Yan Xuming hadn’t really read it, and he firmly believed that it was just a comforting and friendly lie to avoid awkwardness.

This secret crush was buried strongly.

“Senior should also get some rest early. Good night.” Mai Dong replied with this message and turned off his phone.

It was such a small matter, just finding an irrelevant diary.

Although Mai Dong’s world seemed to be collapsing, for anyone else, it was just an insignificant episode.

Life continued as usual.

Mai Dong has been reluctant to go out for a week now. Fortunately, it coincided with the National Day holiday,¹Celebrated on October 1st each year. The holiday is part of the Golden Week, which typically lasts for seven days, including the three days before and after October 1, providing a week-long break for people to celebrate the founding of the People’s Republic of China. and there were no classes to attend, so he seldom went to the library. He even avoided the cafeteria during meal times and ordered takeout for a whole week.

He continued to write in his diary, and this is what he wrote today:

October 4, 2023. Cloudy

I know nobody cares about this except me. There are so many people who like Yan Xuming. He probably doesn’t even remember who I am. Even if we pass by each other again, he won’t think I look familiar. But I still dare not go out, afraid of meeting him.

I’m afraid that after meeting him, he might remember me, but I’m more afraid that after meeting him, he forgets who I am.

Ah, ah, ah, Mai Dong, Mai Dong, you’re really a super-duper, ultra-cowardly awesome little ghost in the universe!

He decided to find something to do for himself. As everyone knows, self-care is the best remedy for a broken heart.

Because even though Mai Dong has secretly loved Yan Xuming for four years, he still feels that he isn’t an overly love brain. Secret love, secret love, these two words always come with a predictable outcome, which is the end.

Things have developed to this point, and continuing to secretly love would be impolite, Mai Dong persuaded himself in this way.

So, he dug up the chat records from his former classmates inviting him to join the debate group. Although it was a bit dated as it happened in the first half of his freshman year.

The incident started when Mai Dong, who had always been invisible, displayed astonishing eloquence during a presentation. Of course, Mai Dong felt that he was just reading the script off the ppt, but it didn’t stop his classmates from thinking he was a genius at debating.

After a hiatus of more than half a year, Mai Dong replied, “Mr. Chen, do you still need people for your debate team?”

The response came quickly from the other side, “Oh, Mai-zi, the child is dead, and now you come to milk it!”²Suggests a sense of insincerity or opportunism, as if the person is coming now that the situation has changed, akin to offering support when it’s no longer needed.

Mai Dong: “…”

Mai Dong: “Ahem, sorry, I just wanted to find something to do recently.”

“But you’ve come at the right time. There’s a college debate in three days, and our first debater got acute appendicitis and is undergoing surgery. I’m in a bind here. Cn you come to the rescue?”

“Three days later?! Isn’t it a bit too rushed? Besides, I don’t have any experience. Is that okay?”

“I think it’ll be fine. You may lack experience in gathering evidence, but we can all help you with that. Just memorize it with your disdainful tone and expression, and you’ll be good.”

Mai Dong stared at the message sent by the other party for a long time, rendered speechless.

Did he really not know how he appeared in the eyes of his classmates? Reflecting on himself, Mai Dong was never one to understand the emotion of nervousness, except when it came to matters related to Yan Xuming. Forced to participate in a two-person three-legged race, he wasn’t nervous. During the college entrance exam, he wasn’t nervous, and when presenting a ppt on stage, he wasn’t nervous.

Why be nervous?

After all, Yan Xuming wasn’t watching him from below the stage. Regardless of his performance, Mai Dong remained Mai Dong.

Is this what they call “disdain for the common people”?

So, Mai Dong immersed himself in the preparation for the debate which was running out of time.

Participating in the debate had a positive effect. In the busy week that followed, Mai Dong had no spare time to indulge in melancholy or long for Yan Xuming.

Self-deception played a significant role, such as every day after returning from the debate team to the dorm, when he thought of writing in his diary, he would open a new page. After hesitating for a moment, he would put the diary away.

He dared not write. It had become a habit for Mai Dong to avoid mentioning “him” in this diary.

He was afraid that if he picked up the pen, his true feelings would be exposed. The first sentence he wrote would undoubtedly be, “I haven’t seen him in the last few days. I wonder if he has already forgotten about this little incident with me.” As long as he didn’t write, he could convince himself that he was slowly forgetting Yan Xuming.

However, once this thought emerged, it was challenging to suppress.

Even though he dared not deceive himself by writing in the diary, lying in bed, he still found it difficult to fall asleep. All the images in his mind were of Yan Xuming.

Mai Dong and Yan Xuming attended the same high school. The student representative at the opening ceremony was undoubtedly Yan Xuming.

At that time, Yan Xuming appeared somewhat youthful, wearing the summer school uniform fittingly. He exuded a vibrant and youthful aura. Mai Dong believed that he probably wrote the speech himself. Yan Xuming even considered going off-script, occasionally holding the microphone with one hand. His gaze, not overly warm, swept over the row of freshmen standing on the field.

Mai Dong had consistently good grades, and Yan Xuming naturally became his pursuit. However, at that time, the pursuit was very pure, merely an academic pursuit.

Mai Dong stood below, fantasizing that after Yan Xuming graduated, he might replace him, standing in the center of the platform as the student representative. It was a good time back then. Mai Dong hadn’t contracted the disease called “liking” yet. Like his roommate Du Chuan, he considered Yan Xuming an excellent competitor.

Until that sports meet.

After his embarrassing fall on the track, sitting there defeated and disheveled, Mai Dong felt as if his entire future had collapsed. Yan Xuming handed him an iodine swab. Still catching his breath, Mai Dong hesitated for a while but didn’t reach out to take it.

So, Yan Xuming crouched down, his index and middle fingers pressed directly on Mai Dong’s knee. Those two fingers landed beside the wound, carrying the summer warmth. Yan Xuming’s brows slightly furrowed, “Can’t move?”

Mai Dong snapped back to reality, blushing intensely, and quickly explained, “No, no, it’s not that. I can move.” Then, he took the swab but didn’t open it immediately, preparing to move to the side to deal with it.

Yan Xuming naturally held onto Mai Dong’s wrist, “I’ll help you.”

Mai Dong originally wanted to say “no need,” but his polite refusal didn’t come out. His heart raced, his brain seemed to stop functioning, and his mouth became uncooperative. For some reason, he started to feel nervous and awkward. He was sure he didn’t like Yan Xuming at that time, yet he felt inexplicably shy.

Suddenly, Mai Dong pulled the blanket up until his entire face was engulfed in darkness, making it hard to breathe.

He took a deep breath, trying hard to expel Yan Xuming, this bastard, from his mind.

Needless to say, his efforts were in vain. Not only did he fail, but he also shamefully apologized in his heart for calling Yan Xuming a “bastard” and silently wondered who he was apologizing to.

Yann Xuming is a very good person, definitely not a bastard.

Mai Dong knew what he wanted–Either to receive Yan Xuming’s attention and affection or to face his rejection and dislike. Not this current situation, where his crush had been exposed, yet it seemed like nothing had happened at all.

It felt as if his feelings weren’t even worth Yan Xuming’s serious rejection.

I…

I’m not a bad person either, am I?

Mai Dong thought to himself.

I look decent, my grades are good, and my family background is passable. Though I may not stand out in any particular area, alright, I’, really not worthy of Yan Xuming.

Crushing is a stubborn illness.

So, Dr. God Mai is trying his best to cure himself. He doesn’t want to be afflicted with such an incurable condition at such a young age. The virus is a dangerous entity named “Yan Xuming,” and once you get close, you quickly become infected.

Curing stubborn illnesses requires patience, and Dr. God Mai must be patient with himself.

---

Author’s Note:

Dr. God Mai’s medical skills seems terrible. Let’s call him Dr. Mai Quack for now.

Mai Dong was restless until the evening.

Du Chuan returned to the dormitory quite late.

The freshman recruitment for the Hanfu Club was remarkably successful this time. Despite not wanting to admit it, Du Chuan had little to do with this success. It was all thanks to his girlfriend bringing in an impressive external support—Yan Xuming.

Du Chuan felt a tinge of sourness in his heart. During the dinner gathering in the evening, his girlfriend couldn’t stop praising Yan Xuming’s handsomeness. Of course, Du Chuan maintained a positive and polite attitude; he was well aware of the principle that showing gratitude naturally leads to favor in return. However, he couldn’t suppress the bitterness in his heart. Men, as a species, tend to subconsciously view more capable counterparts as rivals and harbor a sense of hostility.

As he entered the dormitory, Du Chuan spotted Mai Dong sitting by the bed railing, looking forlorn. He hesitated for a moment, forgetting the complaint that was about to escape his lips and asked cautiously, “Mai-zi,¹Adding zi to a name shows ones closeness used commonly among friends or people close to each other. It doesn’t change the meaning of their name but adds a sense of familiarity. what’s wrong?”

Before Mai Dong could respond, Du Chuan suddenly remembered something and spoke again, “Ai, by the way, how did you end up going to the sports field today? I wanted to talk to you, but you ran off without looking back. Did you lose your precious diary?”

Mai Dong’s “brightened” all of a sudden.

He nodded eagerly, “Ah, yes, it was too crowded there, and I accidentally lost it. Did you… did you find it?” His excitement quickly faded as he thought about the possibility that Du Chuan might have seen the contents of the diary. So, he cautiously asked the last question.

Du Chuan shrugged, “Nope, Yan Xuming found it. He picked it up and asked at the dinner table if it belonged to any of us. I recognized it and said it seemed like it belonged to my roommate.”

Mai Dong slowly widened his eyes.

By reasonable logic, since this item belonged to Du Chuan’s roommate, then shouldn’t it have been directly handed over to Du Chuan?

However, Du Chuan scratched his head, “But I’m not really sure. You treasure that diary so much, and I haven’t seen it many times. Yan Xuming didn’t give it to me. Since it’s yours, I’ll tell him, and you can ask him for it.”

Mai Dong’s world slowly cracked open with numerous fissures.

Upon Du Chuan’s recommendation, Mai Dong tremblingly added Yan Xuming on WeChat.

Yes, Mai Dong didn’t have Yan Xuming’s WeChat.

However, in reality, he had numerous opportunities to add Yan Xuming on WeChat.

Yan Xuming, the Vice President of the student union at Nanjing University, would undoubtedly receive many requests for contact, both for work and personal matters. Presumably, he wouldn’t meticulously filter through them, and most likely accepted them all.

Mai Dong could have easily blended in, found a discreet corner in Yan Xuming’s friend list, and cautiously peeked into his crush’s life.

But he didn’t. Mai Dong was a content person, and the most out-of-the-line thing he did was fill the front page of his diary with Yan Xuming’s name, using it to fantasize that the notebook was a gift from Yan Xuming.

Apart from that, orchestrating chance encounters, summoning the courage to brush past Yan Xuming, and unilaterally labeling this shoulder-rubbing moment as a chance encounter that only he experienced were the things he took delight in.

Now, holding his phone, Mai Dong looked at the chat interface with a very familiar avatar, a very familiar nickname, and words of message.

I’m sorry.

Mai Dong felt dizzy and disoriented. With his almost perverted level of crush, even though he had never added Yan Xuming on WeChat, he was well aware of Yan Xuming’s WeChat ID, WeChat avatar, and WeChat nickname. This made him acutely aware that the person chatting with him was indeed Yan Xuming.

His fingertips trembled, and he didn’t reply to those words for a while.

Then, another message arrived.

“I’m sorry.”

“I heard from your roommate that this belongs to you. [Picture]”

“Is it convenient to pick it up? I live in East Dormitory Two.”

Mai Dong quickly replied.

“Yes, yes, it’s my notebook. I’m really sorry for the trouble, it’s entirely my carelessness. I’ll come to pick it up right away. Please wait for me downstairs, I’ll be there in about three or four minutes. Thank you!”

After sending this message, Mai Dong tossed his phone aside, changed out of his pajamas, put on his shoes, checked his face in the mirror to see if it was clean, and ran his fingers through his barely noticeable hairstyle.

In the background of the dorm, Du Chuan was passionately complaining about how Yan Xuming was way too handsome, stealing all his limelight today. Mai Dong’s heart was about to jump out of his throat. Every time Du Chuan mentioned the name “Yan Xuming,” he felt his heart tightening as if it might jump out on its own.

“I’m going to get my diary,” He informed his roommates and walked out of the dorm.

Because Yan Xuming was waiting for him, Mai Dong walked quickly.

Although it was only a three or four-minute journey, his heart was pounding as if he had just finished running a kilometer.

As he turned the corner towards East Dormitory Two, he saw Yan Xuming standing under a tree.

Yan Xuming had already changed out of the clothes he wore during the day.

It was the simplest combination of a black short-sleeved shirt and jeans, an outfit worn by countless people in the world. Yet, Mai Dong was certain that Yan Xuming must be the most good-looking one among them.

At this moment, he felt an emotion remarkably similar to “homesickness.” He could brush past Yan Xuming many times, but he was unwilling to have a face-to-face conversation like this. This was easily understandable; face-to-face interaction would make the unrequited love seem pessimistic. The meaning of unrequited love lies in fantasizing that ‘we will be together someday.’ Face-to-face encounters shatter this fantasy.

Mai Dong would be acutely aware that this exchange with Yan Xuming was a one-time occurrence, with no possibility of any other.

Mai Dong ran a few steps forward and stopped in front of Yan Xuming, panting heavily.

Even though neither of them had said anything, Mai Dong felt as if this unrequited love had already come to an involuntary end. His mood was terrible, and he hung his head, reluctant to meet Yan Xuming’s eyes directly.

Unexpectedly, Yan Xuming spoke with extreme politeness and gentleness, “Your name is Mai Dong, right?”

Mai Dong replied softly, “Yes, that’s right. I’m sorry for troubling you,²Formal/Courteous you was used. senior. It’s all my carelessness.”

Yan Xuming said, “A very unique name.”

Mai Dong explained, “It’s actually the name of a medicinal herb.³Mai Dong (麦冬) means dwarf lilyturf (Ophiopogon japonicus) My parents were probably lazy when they named me.”

The person then chuckled.

During the day, he was obviously envious of those who received Yan Xuming’s smile. Now, he was deceiving himself and unwilling to look at the smile meant for him. The thoughts of a person in unrequited love were indeed intricate, making it hard to understand. Even Mai Dong himself couldn’t figure out what he was doing.

Yan Xuming handed over the diary.

This notebook was carefully chosen by Mai Dong and bought from a physical stationery store. When he purchased it, he exclaimed at how expensive notebooks had become.

He had the habit of writing a diary from early on. During middle and high school, he used to buy notebooks from the school’s stationery store. A thick, hardcover notebook with illustrations would only cost ten yuan. Now, buying a similar notebook surprisingly costs forty to fifty yuan.

“Don’t lose your diary next time,” Yan Xuming said.

“Um… Yes, I’m really sorry for the trouble,” Mai Dong had repeated this apology many times, and he was waiting for Yan Xuming to question him. He was ready to answer any question, such as why the cover page of the notebook was filled with the three characters “Yan Xuming,” or why the person secretly admired in the diary seemed so much like Yan Xuming.

However, Yan Xuming didn’t ask anything. After returning Mai Dong’s notebook, he simply said, “Then, go back and rest?”

Mai Dong stood there in a daze for quite a while, then nodded absentmindedly.

Watching Yan Xuming turn around and head back to the dormitory, Mai Dong was still in a daze.

Even when Mai Dong returned to the dormitory, sat in his own seat, and opened his diary, he still hadn’t come back to his senses.

It couldn’t be true. Anyone who found a notebook would at least flip it open to see if the owner’s name was written inside, so they could return it. Mai Dong was certain that Yan Xuming must have seen the densely written name on the cover page. So, why didn’t he ask?

It was almost eleven, and there was no sign of the male dormitory quieting down.

The other three people in the dormitory, two of them were playing games side by side, their occasional swearing making the room noisy. The third was on a video call with his girlfriend, exchanging sweet nothings that were more grating to Mai Dong’s ears than the swearing.

Mai Dong felt like he was sitting on pins and needles.

He flipped to the first page of the diary, where he had written a diary entry when he first entered university.

September 2, 2022, Sunny

Today is the first day of my admission to Nanjing University!

The weather is so hot. I spent a long time on Nanjing University forum and knew where they would welcome the new students before reporting. Fortunately, I saw him. I’m so happy. I don’t know what words to use to describe my happiness. I also feel like I’m too easily satisfied. Just entering the university where he is, just catching a glimpse of him, makes me believe that the next four years will be very happy.

Today, he wore a white short-sleeved shirt with a red vest on top. The welcoming seniors and senior sisters all wore this, probably provided by the school. Others look like sanitation workers when they wear it, but he looks like he’s walking on a fashion runway. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, my filter is just too thick ah. I want to change it too, but I can’t!

Mai Dong knocked his head on the table, emitting a few sorrowful “groaning” sounds.

Anyone who saw it would know he was definitely talking about Yan Xuming.

Yan Xuming must have seen it, but why didn’t he ask Mai Dong? Perhaps he was accustomed to being liked, secretly admired, and noticed. Hence, he didn’t care at all.

The feeling of awaiting judgment was too agonizing. Mai Dong was certain that if he didn’t clarify today, every day thereafter, he would wonder, ‘Did Yan Xuming really read my diary? If he did, why didn’t he ask me about it?’

Unable to endure it any longer, Mai Dong succumbed.

After much inner turmoil, he finally opened his phone.

With the phone resting on the table, he stared at Yan Xuming’s chat box for several minutes.

After taking a deep breath and exhaling slowly, he solemnly picked up the phone and typed:

“Senior… um, I still want to ask, did you read the contents of my diary?”

It was just a simple question, yet its impact on Mai Dong was no less than directly saying, “Senior, I like you.” He anxiously awaited a response, but fortunately, Yan Xuming didn’t keep him waiting for too long.

“Sorry.”

“Because I picked up this notebook, I had to open it to check if there was a name inside.”

“As for the content…”

“It’s hard not to look, right? After all, the first page is filled with my name.”

Mai Dong banged his head against the table hard.

Aiyo, that hurts!

It’s that time of the year again at Nanjing University, marked by the lively commencement of the new academic season.

Mai Dong, now a sophomore, finds himself detached from the back-to-school excitement. He hasn’t joined any clubs or taken part in student union activities.

The weekends are dominated by the Hundred Organizations War, a day dedicated to club recruitment. The sports field transformed into a vibrant showcase with various booths, each club putting in great effort to attract freshmen to join.

Mai Dong has two roommates,¹I double-checked and it says two but there were some where the author mentioned three. So far, I only remembered his two roommates who were named lol T-T I’ll edit this once I determined. both hold leadership positions in the E-Sports Club and the Astronomy Club. Additionally, one of his roommate’s girlfriends serves as the president of the Hanfu Club. The three are engrossed in their respective responsibilities, leaving Mai Dong alone in their empty room.

Even within the dormitory, one can feel the spirited atmosphere reverberating from the bustling sports field.

Mai Dong doesn’t mind being alone; it’s just that his solitude tends to be a bit dull.

He doesn’t have many hobbies. He doesn’t like reading, sports, games, or crafting. When alone, he diligently starts with homework, then moves on to reviewing lessons, and finally, previews upcoming coursework.

It’s not that he enjoys studying; he just can’t find anything else to do.

Once everything was done, he opened the diary hidden in the farthest corner. With great reverence, he turned to a new page. He even specifically bought a fountain pen for writing a diary at a considerable price. After saturating the ink, he wrote a few inconsequential words on scrap paper to ensure the first stroke on the diary was smooth and full.

This is how he wrote.

September 30, 2023, Saturday. Clear skies.

I didn’t meet him by chance today, probably because I didn’t go out today.

Damn it, Mai Dong, you need to make an effort to go out for these chance encounters ah!

It seemed that he was really reflecting, so he only wrote two lines in the diary, and Mai Dong put down his pen fiercely.

Following that, he approached the full-length mirror, glancing at the white short-sleeved shirt he had worn only for the day. He decided to change into a new one. The hairstyle was ok, freshly washed last night; the pants were ok, newly worn in the morning. As for the shoes… the shoes seemed a bit dirty.

He hastily pulled out a pair of shoes he had brushed but hadn’t worn yet and put them on, feeling at ease.

Before leaving, he didn’t forget to tuck his precious diary. He had written only two lines and planned to stroll to the library to find a quiet spot to finish it.

Mai Dong could be considered a rather marginal figure at school.

So marginal that besides his three roommates, he could recall the names of, in his second year now, some classmates he had been interacting with for a year were unrecognizable to him when they crossed paths. He suspected he might have a bit of face blindness, but face blindness wasn’t a major concern, not something worth going to the hospital for. So, he remained unsure whether he was genuinely face blind.

While other college students explored student unions and clubs, even if not all, participating in singing contests, hosting auditions, English corners, and campus e-sports competitions, the array of activities overwhelmed every student transitioning from high school. Yet, Mai Dong hadn’t joined a single one.

He was simply that marginal figure.

The only thing he engaged in was being a conscientious yet boring college student, and…

Mai Dong’s phone suddenly rang.

It was a message from his roommate, Du Chuan, in the WeChat group.

“F*ck, I thought I was coming to be the protagonist today, but I didn’t even get the supporting role. Don’t know what to say. I can only blame myself for not having Yan Xuming’s face.”

Soon, his other roommates replied to him.

“I saw a group of girls gathered around your side at the Hanfu Club booth. Amazing ah.”

“Old Du, hahaha, haven’t you thought about it yourself? Can your face serve as a storefront?”

In reality, Mai Dong’s roommate, Du Chuan, was quite good-looking. However, his other roommates often joked that he and his girlfriend, the president of the Hanfu Club, were like flowers blooming in cow dung. Mai Dong never commented on this; he wasn’t the type to engage in such “impolite” jokes with his roommates.

Although Mai Dong didn’t speak in the group chat, he squeezed his phone and once again scrutinized himself from head to toe. Taking a deep breath, he abruptly turned around and headed towards the direction of the sports field.

As expected, the sports field was lively.

People crowded in front of various booths, and there were more clubs here than the typical high school offered, making the experience dazzling. As a result, most freshmen were filled with curiosity and romantic visions of university life, determined to join two or three clubs.

One booth, in particular, had an especially large crowd.

Mai Dong held three books and two notebooks to his chest. These books weren’t too thick, and he had decided not to carry a backpack, thinking of going straight to the library. However, he found himself at the sports field when he stepped out. Clutching the books tightly, he made an effort to squeeze into the crowd.

Mai Dong was of average height, standing at 1.74 meters. Among guys, he wasn’t particularly tall.

Fortunately, he worked hard enough and managed to squeeze in.

Mai Dong’s belly got caught at the edge of the Hanfu Club, and he couldn’t escape. The people behind him kept pushing.

But the slight discomfort didn’t bother him much. His gaze was glued to the person wearing the traditional Chinese-style shirt.

The crowd surrounded the person, amiably handing out pamphlets for the Hanfu Club to the freshmen. He repeated, “If you have any questions, find a senior sister in purple. She’s the president of the Hanfu Club.”

The guy was tall, and his features seemed softer today, likely due to his choice of clothing. Normally not one to smile much, he seemed unusually cheerful today. Thinking this, Mai Dong’s eyes greedily stared at him for a while.

Before he could get enough of watching, someone suddenly called out Mai Dong’s name.

“Ai? Mai Dong!”

Mai Dong jumped at the sudden call, his gaze darting around before finally settling on his roommate, Du Chuan. His mind, filled with thoughts of a coincidental encounter, had overlooked the fact that coming directly to this area would undoubtedly be noticed by Du Chuan.

Feeling a bit awkward, Mai Dong greeted Du Chuan. However, with the overwhelming crowd, he didn’t consider this an appropriate place for a conversation. Besides, he didn’t really want his roommate to know he had been here.

In haste, he blurted out, “Ah, it’s nothing. I just passed by. I’ll go now,” Then awkwardly maneuvered his way out of the crowd.

So awkward that in the process of squeezing out, Mai Dong’s books scattered all over the ground.

Some oblivious freshmen hurriedly passed by, and one even stepped on Mai Dong’s course books.

He had no choice but to quicken his pace, swiftly gather the scattered books from the ground, and hurriedly make his way out, feeling like a thief.

It wasn’t until he left the sports field that Mai Dong heaved a sigh of relief.

He carefully checked the books in his arms, realizing that the course books weren’t crucial. What truly mattered was his diary—hoping it hadn’t suffered the same fate by being stepped on by an unsuspecting passerby.

As he was contemplating this, stooping to gather the books—one, two, three, four—diary? His heart sank suddenly, and he hastily searched again. Indeed, there was an unmistakable absence in the pile of books cradled in his arms. Unfortunately, it was the heaviest one—the diary.

Mai Dong’s world seemed to be collapsing!

He let out a shocked exclamation, producing a sound akin to a cry, and without looking back, he headed back towards the sports field.

Throughout the journey, there was no sign of the diary. It had undoubtedly been left behind at the Hanfu Club.

Mai Dong stood outside the crowd, desperately trying to say, “Excuse me, please make way. I lost my things inside,” But no one paid him any attention, probably because his voice wasn’t loud enough.

Feeling defeated, Mai Dong could only squat awkwardly, scanning the ground for his diary at every person’s feet. However, he didn’t find it.

His initial reaction was relief—though that diary was filled with his crush, he had never written the person’s name in it.

His second reaction was that it was over–Despite never writing the person’s name, his selfishness had filled the notebook’s front page with the person’s name, making it easily visible upon opening, a convenient tool for daydreaming that the notebook was a gift from that person.

His third reaction was ‘Ah, ah, ah! My diary ah!!!’

Mai Dong had a wretched day.

Even in the fleeting moment of seeing that person, he had already planned what he would write in the diary later at the library–Great, diligent Mai Dong had another chance encounter with him today. He stood out in the crowd, the clothes he wore suited him well, and he was smiling all day. I envy those who received his smiles. It’s childish and selfish of me, but I am childish and selfish, and that’s Mai Dong!

But he lost his diary.

He couldn’t stop envisioning various scenarios.

The best-case scenario, of course, was that nobody found his diary. The diary would quietly lie in an unknown corner, becoming a piece of discarded paper for the rest of its life. As long as it rains, all the ink inside will fade into a blur.

But what if someone found it?

What if that person was rude, discovered it was a diary, and eagerly read on? They would then know that in some corner of this university, someone secretly has a crush on someone else almost perversely! Would they post it on the campus confession wall? Would they post it at the lost-and-found, wait for him to claim the notebook, and then mock him?

And what if that person was polite, opened the diary, saw the densely written “Yan Xuming,” connecting it to Yan Xuming himself, and returned the lost item… Oh god, Mai Dong couldn’t even bear to think further. He fervently prayed that whoever found his diary must be rude. Read, Read, read it all, let everyone mock him, just as long as it wasn’t Yan Xuming.

Indeed, it was Yan Xuming who Mai Dong has a crush on.

In university, Mai Dong was a rather marginalized figure.

His life was very boring.

The only thing he did was be a conscientious yet boring college student and have a crush on Yan Xuming.

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Author’s Note:

Let’s add a little sweetness to the mix!

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Jie Jie: Something sweet for this love month! Let’s be bitter together with the sweetness :blobcheer:

p.s The main text is over. I just checked the raw today and looks like the author will be posting Extra/s. I just don’t know how many, for now, there’s only 1.