It was hard for him to say what he felt about the new Ze’an.
But attentive as he was, he soon discovered that this person’s character, eating and living habits were completely different from the Ze’an he knew. Was it amnesia? A split personality? Or was it a complete change of person? From panic-stricken to overwhelmed and broken to finally forcing himself to calm down, he chose to observe the current Ze’an for some time.
Surprisingly, the current Ze’an didn’t seem like a bad person. He was more like a clumsy and optimistic person trying to live a life to one’s heart’s content. He didn’t even do many of the trivial things in life as well as Ze’an.
He thought maybe, only that person knew where Ze’an went.
He asked that question when he was sure that the person had no ill will.
Where had Ze’an gone and when would he be back.
Unexpectedly, after the current Ze’an was flustered, he smiled and told him that Ze’an would not come back.
He even said that he was Ze’an himself.
He tried to let himself accept that person in all kinds of ridiculous and clumsy ways. He took it all in, but was still indifferent to the other man’s presence. It was hard for him to forgive that person or to trust him, and he thought he resented him.
But that person always looked at him purely and innocently, with Ze’an’s face.
So he chose not to come back as much as possible.
“The patient is awake.” The nurse came out of the ward and said softly when she saw him in a daze in the corridor.
He let out an ah and stood up.
He felt that his mood was complicated, but he did let out a huge sigh of relief when he heard the nurse’s words.
When he entered the ward, he was suddenly unsure what attitude he should take toward this man. Condemnation? Indifferent? Or properly concerned? Why was that person always like that, so pessimistic…
Today was actually Valentine’s Day, and he knew that that person called him to go back, but he didn’t want to go back.
Valentine’s Day was supposed to be spent with the person he liked. He already knew that Ze’an was no longer Ze’an, so how could he face the person who wore the same face.
Besides, that was the day he had lost Ze’an a year ago.
He took a deep breath and faced the pale face on the hospital bed.
“You’re awake.” He felt weak, “Can you be kinder to yourself and stop…”
“Ah Qin.”
Ji Qin was startled, and all the words he wanted to say were swallowed back.
“It’s me…” The man smiled and frowned as if uncomfortable.
“Ze…an?” Ji Qin couldn’t believe it.
The man supposedly heard him but didn’t answer him directly.
“I’m so tired, let me sleep first.” The man smiled a little and then quickly closed his eyes.
Ze’an had returned.
After the huge ecstasy, he quickly ordered a bunch of things that Ze’an liked to eat. After so long, he naturally remembered all the things Ze’an liked to eat and didn’t like to eat.
It suddenly occurred to him, what about the moody, death-seeking Ze’an?
He didn’t know that Ze’an at all, especially comparing to his Ze’an, that Ze’an was like a stranger to him.
That Ze’an…shouldn’t really disappear, just like Ze’an, maybe he would find another body and woke up again.
He…hadn’t treated that Ze’an well.
Forget it. Zain already woke up. So let’s forget about that for now.
…
When Ze’an woke up again, he saw him sitting on the edge of the bed. Ze’an then asked him to help him sit up.
“I want to look out the window,” he said.
Ji Qin hurriedly said, “Okay.”
He helped Ze’an to sit up. Ze’an stared at the scenery outside the window with great care and concentration for a long time before he breathed a very slow sigh of relief.
“Zean, where have you been all this time.”
Ji Qin spoke carefully, the scene in front of him felt so imaginary it was almost unreal to him.
Ze’an didn’t speak quickly, and it took a while before he slowly turned his gaze towards him.
“Ah Qin, I did something wrong, but I can’t find a way to make up for it.”
Such a calm and steady way of speaking was indeed the Ze’an he knew so well.
Ji Qin thought, but the content of his speech made him feel strange.
“What’s the matter, can we solve it together?”
Ze’an was silent for a while, then said, “You’re right, and I think you should know that too.”
“Actually—”
Having a vaguely bad feeling about what he was going to say, Ji Qin inexplicably tensed up.
“I’m the one who ruined what was Ze’an’s life.” For the first time, Ze’an, who had always had little emotion on his face, showed a sad expression.
Ji Qin was stunned.
“I don’t like men, I don’t like to make friends and live in groups. I’m just living the life I thought the real Ze’an would like after that car accident, the way I thought it would be good for him.”
“But… the real Ze’an was driven away by me and will not be coming back.”
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