Qian Xiaoke now understood that no matter what he did, he had to be careful, or else he would suffer the consequences himself.
For example, carrying a huge box of condoms home.
Awkward.
Very awkward.
Extremely awkward.
Qian Xiaoke felt that he could practically write an entire poem using just the word ‘awkward’.
When the elevator reached the first floor, his colleagues all made way for him, letting him go first.
Under everyone’s gaze, Qian Xiaoke hugged the big box of ‘instant noodles’ and walked out of the elevator. Because the box was so large, the way he carried it made him feel like he had been pregnant for three years without giving birth, which was ridiculous to the extreme.
After exiting, Qian Xiaoke deliberately slowed down, lagging behind the others. He smiled brightly and said goodbye to every colleague who passed him, walking slower and slower, slower and slower, until he finally couldn’t help turning his head around and said to Jiang Tongyan, who was walking behind him with a beaming smile, “Why aren’t you walking faster?”
“I’m quietly admiring your beauty,” Jiang Tongyan said, sounding very convincing. “For some reason, I find the way you walk while carrying condoms very charming.”
“Shh! Shut up!” Qian Xiaoke panicked and looked around. “Keep it low-key!”
Jiang Tongyan had been holding in his laughter for ages, and now he could finally laugh freely.
Laughing loudly, he reached out to help Qian Xiaoke take the box, but Qian Xiaoke dodged away.
“Oh? You don’t even need my help?”
“Don’t talk to me!” They still hadn’t left the office building. If someone saw them, it would be impossible to explain!
Qian Xiaoke—be cautious.
Jiang Tongyan followed behind him helplessly, not knowing whether to laugh or cry.
With the way Qian Xiaoke’s brain worked, it was no wonder he hadn’t been able to find a boyfriend before.
Thinking this, Jiang Tongyan actually felt a bit smug. After all, interesting souls weren’t that easy to come by. There was no way he wouldn’t feel proud, being able to capture such an interesting soul into his arms was like catching a butterfly.
The box of condoms wasn’t heavy; it was just too bulky. Holding it made it hard for Qian Xiaoke to see the road ahead.
Jiang Tongyan directed him from behind. “There’s a manhole cover ahead. If you step on it, I’ll smack your butt three times.”
Qian Xiaoke snorted. “Pervert!”
Then he stepped on it anyway—on purpose.
Jiang Tongyan laughed. “So which one of us is the pervert, exactly?”
“You are!”
The two of them swayed along to another road, finally distancing themselves from any colleagues who might appear. Jiang Tongyan hurried over and took the huge box of condoms from Qian Xiaoke’s arms.
Standing by the roadside, Qian Xiaoke said, “Looks like we can only take a taxi home.”
Totally not worth it.
When he had bought those condoms, he had stayed up until midnight competing with others for deals. In the end, all the money he saved went into the taxi fare.
Totally not worth it!
Jiang Tongyan asked him, “Why do you look so miserable? What are you thinking about?”
“Doing the math,” Qian Xiaoke said. “I think I’m at a loss.”
“At a loss for what?”
“Happiness.” The joy of 12.12 bargain-hunting was just gone like that. He hadn’t gained any advantage at all. Qian Xiaoke leaned against Jiang Tongyan and put on an exaggerated act, letting out pitiful ‘waah-waah’ sounds.
No matter how much he ‘whimpered’, carrying such a big box on public transportation was clearly impossible. The two of them took a taxi home. The moment they entered the apartment, Qian Xiaoke collapsed onto the sofa in utter despair, while Jiang Tongyan eagerly opened the delivery box.
Condoms were something only people who could actually use them knew how to appreciate.
Jiang Tongyan sat on the floor, taking out box after box.
“Gold-series ultra-thin, smooth passion, extended endurance…” Jiang Tongyan turned his head to look at Qian Xiaoke sprawled on the sofa. “You bought this model—do you think I’m not enduring enough?”
“Huh?” Qian Xiaoke sat up, looking at him innocently. “What?”
“This one.” Jiang Tongyan held up a box of condoms. “This model is called ‘long-lasting.’”
He brought it closer and read the words on it. “Classic delay formula, shared endurance…”
“Ahhh! I’m not listening!” Qian Xiaoke covered his ears. “So embarrassing!”
Jiang Tongyan let out a cold laugh. “Qian Xiaoke, you’ve offended me.”
“Hm?”
“You buying this is definitely hinting at something,” Jiang Tongyan said as he stood up. He walked toward the lovely person on the sofa while pulling down his pants. “Today, gege won’t wear this crappy ‘long-lasting’ condom and can still last long enough to make you kneel and beg for mercy!”
Sitting on the sofa, Qian Xiaoke watched him stride over aggressively, feeling both excited and a little panicked.
“I didn’t—I didn’t mean that at all,” he said. He really hadn’t meant it that way.
Ever since Jiang Tongyan’s ‘problem’ had been cured, the man had become ridiculously fierce. No matter how one evaluated him, from any angle, he was a top-tier, full-on ferocious top. Qian Xiaoke could personally vouch for that.
The only reason he had bought that particular model was that he hadn’t paid attention.
Who was Qian Xiaoke?
A pure, innocent boy!
Before dating Jiang Tongyan, this pure boy would blush just walking past the condom shelf at the supermarket, okay? He had zero research or understanding of this kind of thing.
He couldn’t tell the difference between ‘smooth passion’ and ‘long-lasting’. To him, condoms were all the same.
But whatever.
What mattered now wasn’t researching the unique features and charms of each condom type, but taking off his pants and fooling around with his boyfriend on an empty stomach.
Qian Xiaoke opened his arms and sweetly wrapped them around Jiang Tongyan.
==============
As if to prove that he really could last that long, Jiang Tongyan actually did make Qian Xiaoke almost kneel down and beg for mercy.
He just wouldn’t finish, while Qian Xiaoke had long since finished and was still hungry, so aggrieved that he kept urging him on.
Mr Ferocious Top Jiang Tongyan was delighted. He forced Qian Xiaoke to say a whole lot of mushy, shameless things—words that would make anyone else blush, race their heart, and curse him for having no shame, but that left Jiang Tongyan feeling refreshed and ready to fight another five hundred rounds. Finally satisfied, he let Qian Xiaoke go.
Qian Xiaoke had already slid off the sofa onto the floor, lying on the warm winter floor like a little turtle flipped onto its back, unable to right itself.
Not far from him, the half-opened delivery box lay scattered on the floor. One box of ‘long-lasting’ faced him directly, letting out an evil grin.
Jiang Tongyan happily leaned over to kiss and hug him, taking full advantage and feeling extremely pleased.
“Baby.”
“…That’s so cheesy,” Qian Xiaoke said. “I can’t take it.”
“Wife.”
Qian Xiaoke snickered. “You’re so annoying.”
“Don’t like it? Then I won’t say it.”
“Hey, that’s annoying!” Qian Xiaoke clung to his arm. “Say it, say it—say it again.”
Jiang Tongyan was so happy his eyebrows practically flew off his face. While kissing him, he kept calling him ‘wife’ in a sweet, affectionate voice.
These two really had no shame at all. Even the furniture in the house would have wanted to roll its eyes if it could.
After they had had enough of clinging to each other, Jiang Tongyan carried Qian Xiaoke off to take a bath.
“You soak first,” Jiang Tongyan said, giving himself a quick rinse. “I’ll go make you some food.”
Qian Xiaoke was shocked. “You? Cook?”
He knew Jiang Tongyan could cook a little, but it was all Western food.
Pan-seared steak, fried eggs, and boiled pasta.
But Qian Xiaoke wasn’t used to those, and Jiang Tongyan didn’t make them especially well either.
“I learned a couple of moves from Cheng Sen,” Jiang Tongyan said. “I’ll show off today.”
After drying himself off, he leaned over and kissed Qian Xiaoke’s rosy, springy lips again. “Just watch, my precious wife.”
With that, Jiang Tongyan strutted out naked, leaving Qian Xiaoke behind, pursing his lips and smiling shyly. “Who’s your precious wife? You’re so nauseating!”
After muttering that, Qian Xiaoke smiled until his eyes curved into little crescents. He sank into the bathtub, so sweet that he wriggled in the water like a loach.
When Jiang Tongyan said he was going to cook, he really wasn’t joking.
He opened the fridge, took out the ingredients, sorted them one by one, then opened his phone.
Cheng Sen had sent him a ‘cooking tutorial video’, which was actually just Zhou Mo recording Cheng Sen while he cooked, complete with heart effects added on.
The reason Jiang Tongyan had thought of cooking wasn’t really to cook, but because he also wanted to practice until Qian Xiaoke could film a video like that for him, with heart effects too. No need for background music—just Qian Xiaoke’s praise, ‘Hubby is amazing!’ or ‘Hubby, mwah mwah!’
He was immersed in these beautiful fantasies, and then the cooking failed.
When Qian Xiaoke came out, what he saw was a plate of tomato scrambled eggs that had neither proper colour, aroma, nor taste. He didn’t even dare ask what the dish should be called.
Still, Qian Xiaoke was a broad-minded person, and he loved Jiang Tongyan deeply.
Relying purely on his love for Jiang Tongyan, he ate two bowls of rice with that dish-that-dared-not-speak-its-name.
Love could save everything.
Qian Xiaoke was the bravest warrior in love.
Jiang Tongyan asked, “Do you like it? If you do, I’ll make it for you again tomorrow.”
“No need!” Qian Xiaoke’s delicate body trembled. “Husband, tomorrow I’ll do it.”
“Don’t,” Jiang Tongyan said. “Work is too hard for you. I’ll do it.”
He knew there was a gap between his cooking and other people’s, but he had a filter for himself and didn’t think it was bad at all. Plus, Qian Xiaoke had eaten so much, so he assumed he had hit his sweet spot. His Xiaoke just liked this kind of thing.
He inflated again.
Jiang Tongyan inflated again.
“It’s not hard at all. How could I be more tired than you?” Qian Xiaoke said. You really didn’t see couples fighting over who got to cook at home.
Qian Xiaoke was afraid that if Jiang Tongyan kept cooking like this, it might eventually affect his love for the man. So he said, “Husband, how about this—going forward, I’ll be in charge of cooking, and you’ll be in charge of washing the dishes.”
“That won’t do,” Jiang Tongyan said, gazing at Qian Xiaoke with deep affection. “Cooking is too tiring. How could I let you do it every day?”
He said, “Leave it all to me. I’m a fierce top. Cooking, washing dishes, chopping wood, fvcking you—I’ll do it all.”
Qian Xiaoke said, “…No need. I’ll do the cooking and dishes. Chopping wood… there’s no need to chop wood nowadays.”
Qian Xiaoke blinked. “You just be responsible for doing me, that’s enough.”
“Huh?” Qian Xiaoke said so vaguely that Jiang Tongyan didn’t hear it clearly at all. “What did you say?”
“I said…” They were already this close, already in this kind of relationship, but the essence of a pure boy never changed. Even at eighty, he would still be shy. Qian Xiaoke’s ears turned red at the tips as he practically buried his face in his bowl. He lifted his eyes to glance at Jiang Tongyan and said shyly, “I said… You can just be responsible for fvcking me.”
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