The next day, Qin Mu woke up a little late. Even though his expression appeared calm, traces of embarrassment inevitably showed through in the small details. Shen Liu understood perfectly well and, to spare him any awkwardness, did not mention a single word about what had happened the night before.
Qin Mu quietly let out a sigh of relief. He had never known how to define the relationship between the two of them. Over so many years, he had long grown accustomed to living alone. His work and daily life were orderly, his social interactions proper and regulated. Everyone had been placed by him in an appropriate position, with clear boundaries and a measured distance. Shen Liu alone was the exception.
Rationally, he knew he should not allow this ambiguity to continue. When it was time to cut things off, he should do so decisively. Yet when it truly came to that point, he found he could not bring himself to act. When he should have been calm, he could not help but lash out at that man. When he should not have wavered, he instead softened again and again. The bottom lines he had drawn were revised repeatedly, until in the end even he himself no longer knew which one he was supposed to hold fast to. All he could do was play deaf and blind, tacitly allowing Shen Liu to draw closer time after time.
Shen Liu was not in a hurry. He knew that Qin Mu had not yet figured things out. The entanglements of gratitude and resentment, love and hatred between them could not be explained clearly in a few words, nor could the knots in one’s heart be erased with a single stroke in just a few days. He was very satisfied with the current state of affairs. It was like a stubborn traveller braving a sky full of yellow sand in search of the lone city from his memories—he had walked too far and searched for too long, and the moment he finally glimpsed the city walls, he was so happy he was nearly driven mad. That magnificent spectacle from ten years ago, when the entire city bloomed like a dream, had only taken a single glance to bind him with longing for a lifetime. He was willing to wait. When it came to Qin Mu, he had always possessed more than enough patience.
Thus, the two of them tacitly used ‘letting things take their natural course’ as a pretext, maintaining this vague yet delicate relationship. They lived together, slept in the same bed, exchanged familiar jokes, and had even shared certain special ‘interactions’, yet they strictly adhered to an unspoken boundary. With mutual understanding, they avoided explaining the current situation, did not interfere in each other’s private affairs, did not force the other to make changes, and did not rush to take things further. It was like two neighbouring countries on friendly terms; they benefited each other through exchanges, yet each retained complete sovereignty and refrained from interference. This was not their first time living together. They were well acquainted with each other’s habits, and getting along felt entirely natural. Only one thing was slightly awkward—Qin Mu had another sub.
Some time ago, Lu Cheng had been busy dealing with matters at the medicinal herb base. Now that things had been resolved, he took the initiative to invite Qin Mu out. When Qin Mu received the message, he was sitting in the car Shen Liu was driving to take him home. He deliberated for quite a while before finally speaking. “Shen Liu.”
“Hm? Have you decided what to eat tonight?” Shen Liu asked while driving. He had been staying for over half a month. He had not only figured out every street and alley in K City but also memorised a wide range of distinctive restaurants, bars, and cinemas, making him more useful than a navigation app. “I heard from the young lady at your front desk that a new Thai restaurant just opened on Fuxing Road. The environment is nice too. Interested?”
“Lu Cheng asked me to have dinner, and I agreed.”
Shen Liu froze slightly at the words and fell silent for a few seconds. He then said naturally, “Alright. Where are you meeting? I’ll drop you off.”
“Beishan Street intersection.”
The car turned right at the junction. Shen Liu stopped at the zebra crossing to wait for an elderly person with mobility issues to cross before slowly starting again. “Is it a Spanish restaurant?”
“Yes.”
“I think I’ve seen it before. That place has pretty good ratings. Try it first, and if it’s good, remember to take me there next time.”
“Alright.” Qin Mu agreed, then thought for a moment and asked, “What will you eat tonight?”
Shen Liu laughed. “Are you worried I’ll go hungry?”
Qin Mu glanced at him and said nothing.
When they reached the destination, Shen Liu asked, “Do you need me to pick you up later?”
“No.”
“Okay. You probably won’t be back very early, so I’ll make my own arrangements.” Shen Liu bid him farewell with a smile, not forgetting to add, “Have fun.”
Qin Mu: “……”
Between the two of them, that kind of well-wishing sounded awkward no matter how he listened to it.
The restaurant was called Moustache. The servers were all international students from nearby universities. Their Chinese was somewhat halting, but they were extremely enthusiastic. The ingredients were carefully chosen, the plating refined, and the flavours were very good. This was the first time Qin Mu had agreed to meet him in a public place. Lu Cheng was especially happy and ordered a table full of dishes.
Qin Mu seemed different from their previous meetings today. He appeared very relaxed. Two buttons of his shirt collar were undone, and he sat with one arm casually resting on the edge of the table. Perhaps it was the angle, but Lu Cheng felt that even the light in his eyes had softened, making him appear even more alluring. Unable to resist, he called out softly, “Master.”
“In public places, you can just call me by my name,” Qin Mu said.
Call him by his name directly.
Lu Cheng suddenly felt inexplicably excited. He carefully drafted what he wanted to say in his head several times. When he finally spoke, his voice unconsciously softened. “Qin Mu.”
The man curved his lips slightly, cut the braised beef tongue in front of him into neat pieces, and passed the plate over.
“Thank you, Mas…Sir.” Lu Cheng felt flattered and overwhelmed. He still could not quite make the turn in his head and awkwardly corrected himself mid-sentence. He pushed the salad plate over. “This Iberian ham is pretty good. You should try it.”
“Alright.” Qin Mu tasted a piece. The meat was fresh and tender, melting in the mouth, and paired with arugula and vinaigrette, it tasted light and refreshing.
They discussed the renovation project at the medicinal herb base, the future prospects of the traditional Chinese medicine industry, and several business cases and disputes. During the conversation, Qin Mu’s extensive knowledge, incisive thinking, and measured yet engaging way of speaking utterly captivated Lu Cheng.
After dessert had been served, Qin Mu set down his fork and said, “Our contractual relationship has lasted about a year and a half now. I’d like to hear your thoughts.”
“To me, you’re a perfect Dom,” Lu Cheng answered sincerely.
Qin Mu smiled. “Perfection is only a surface impression. In a scene, a Dom needs to take control of everything, so what I’ve shown you has always been a strong and composed side. In reality, I’m not always like that. I also have moments of hesitation and emotional impulsiveness.”
This was the second time he smiled that evening. Lu Cheng found it hard to look away, like a poor scholar whose soul had been stolen by a spirit. Acting on impulse, he blurted out his true feelings. “I want to understand every side of you. If you’re willing to give me a chance… I mean, I really like you.”
Qin Mu had not expected a confession at this moment and was slightly taken aback. Over the years, he had handled many situations like this, and his response was composed and solemn. “I’m very sorry, but I can’t reciprocate your feelings. I accepted you as a sub because of Fang Mingyan’s commission, and the contract clearly states that our relationship does not involve private emotions. According to the agreement, either of us may terminate this relationship at any time…”
“I take back what I just said.” Lu Cheng panicked when he heard this and spoke with a hint of pleading. “I’ve never interfered with your private life, nor have I done anything that crossed the line. What I said just now was a moment of impulsiveness and poor judgment. Please forgive me.”
“Lu Cheng, my decision to end the relationship isn’t because you haven’t done well. It’s simply due to some personal reasons.” Qin Mu’s tone was very gentle. “I hope you understand that a good emotional relationship should be one of equality. There shouldn’t be one person who is always dominant and another who is always subservient. You’re very good—whether in terms of personality, appearance, or ability, you’re someone worthy of being loved. Don’t keep compromising yourself for the sake of others.”
Lu Cheng froze. A flood of emotions surged up inside him, impossible to suppress without losing control elsewhere. His eyes reddened as he lowered his head, steadying himself for quite a while before speaking. “I know I shouldn’t ask, but I can’t help it… Is your personal reason that the person called Shen Liu?”
Qin Mu fell silent for a moment, then answered, “Yes.”
“In your heart, I can’t compare to him.”
“There’s no meaning in making that kind of comparison,” Qin Mu said slowly. “He appeared too early.”
Lu Cheng understood.
So Qin Mu’s years of restraint and emotional coldness were simply because someone had already taken up residence in his heart long ago. The old acquaintance had gone away, and so the lone city sealed shut. After that, every encounter could only ever be a passing one, and all affection was like drifting clouds and smoke.
And he himself had merely been dazzled by a mirage, one of the countless ordinary people stranded outside the city.
Lu Cheng felt utterly miserable. Forcing himself not to lose composure in front of him, he clung to a trace of faint hope and asked, “Will you still meet me in the future?”
“Not in the near future.” Qin Mu paused, then smiled when he saw his crestfallen expression. “Once you’ve adjusted your mindset, we can meet again as friends. So I’ll pay for this meal today. Next time, it’ll be your turn.”
He was willing to be his friend.
Lu Cheng stood there in a daze, momentarily disoriented, and only nodded after a long while, saying yes.
When they parted, he lingered in place, watching Qin Mu’s figure recede farther and farther away, until at last he let out a dejected sigh.
Unrequited love was truly bitter.
He had lost unwillingly, yet there was nothing he could do about it.
When Qin Mu returned home and pushed the door open, he immediately saw the man sprawled on the sofa, lying on his back with a cat in his arms.
Shen Liu had not expected him to come back at this hour and was startled. Like a naughty boy caught red-handed by a teacher, he reacted instinctively. He scrambled to his feet in a flurry, his long leg accidentally knocking over the beer cans beside him. Full and empty cans rolled all over the floor, startling both cats into stunned confusion.
Qin Mu’s gaze moved from the carpet soaked with beer to the open bag of chips on the sofa, then to the flustered man, his eyes narrowing slightly.
“Why are you back so early?” Shen Liu asked, wiping the carpet while putting on his signature smile to cover the awkwardness.
“Your ‘self-arranged’ evening looks pretty eventful,” Qin Mu said teasingly.
Shen Liu cleared his throat and showed a rare trace of embarrassment. “I wasn’t very hungry, and there happened to be a game on, so I thought I would just have some snacks to tide me over.”
“Didn’t someone just yesterday lecture me very seriously about eating on time?”
“I was going to order takeout, but then I thought… Without you here, eating alone would’ve felt too lonely.” There was a hint of grievance in his voice, awkward and restrained.
The corner of Qin Mu’s mouth lifted imperceptibly. He had seen through it long ago—Shen Liu was nothing more than a stubborn duck putting on a tough front. On the surface, he spoke magnanimously and played the gentleman, but inside, he had already been pickled through with jealousy, drowning his sour mood here with alcohol.
Childish and ridiculous.
Shen Liu tossed all the empty bottles and chip packaging into the trash, then casually rubbed the side of his nose with a finger and asked, “You came back at this hour—did you not go with him to… that?”
“That?” Qin Mu asked knowingly.
“Didn’t you have a contract? Your Friday interaction?”
“The contract was terminated.”
Shen Liu froze for a moment, staring at Qin Mu in astonishment.
Qin Mu looked back at him.
They held each other’s gaze for several seconds.
Shen Liu’s lips curved upward. This time it was a genuine smile, joy showing clearly at the corners of his eyes and brows. “So that means I’m your only sub now?”
“Did I ever admit that?” Qin Mu shot him a glance that was half-smile, and walked into the kitchen. After washing his hands, he took out a pot and put water on to boil.
“What are you making? You’re still not full?” Shen Liu followed him over.
“Noodles. Want some?” Qin Mu busied himself without looking back, efficiently slicing the greens into fine shreds.
Shen Liu thoughtfully helped him tie on an apron, but refused to leave. He leaned in close behind his ear and murmured suggestively, “Of course. Whatever you make down there, I like eating it.”
Perfectly ordinary words, twisted into innuendo by him. Qin Mu’s ear went numb and itchy. Unable to stand it any longer, he raised the gleaming kitchen knife, his face stiff, and said coldly, “Get your ass back to the sofa.”
“As you command.” Shen Liu flagrantly disobeyed by taking the opportunity to plant a kiss on the back of his neck before slipping away.
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