Sleep was a haven for the exhausted body to resist harsh reality.
And dreams were hallucinations given by the brain that stubbornly refused to sleep.
In his dream, there was a spiral staircase winding down in endless circles, descending deep below. Chu Yunhan stood on a step, glancing up with a hint of confusion, yet he could not see the way back. Overhead was a circular patch of sky, hazy and gray, as if a heavy rain was imminent. He lingered there for a moment, dazed, before taking his first step downward. The steps felt cold beneath his bare feet. The spiral staircase seemed endless, but just as he was about to lose patience and stop, he realised he had finally reached the bottom.
At the bottom of the stairs was a door. A dusty gray wooden door, with mossy green patches crawling up the frame, stood alone at the center of the circular floor. The door was slightly ajar, and a sliver of white light shone through the crack. He reached out to push it, but the door suddenly vanished, and the light that hit him made him squint his eyes.
The sound of boiling water came to his ears.
The scene before him was all too familiar. In the kitchen, a middle-aged woman was making soup. She picked up some with a spoon, blew on it, took a sip, and smiled with satisfaction. She turned off the fire, filled two full bowls, and walked to the study carefully carrying them.
The tall man who was working at his desk raised his head and smiled at the person who came in. The young man reading a book on the side also raised his head.
“I made sweet soup, one bowl for each person.”
The young man stuck out his tongue, “…Mom, do you want to poison me and my father?”
“Ungrateful child, are you going to drink it or not?” she said with mock indignation. “This time, it really turned out well.”
“Not drinking it… Dad can have both bowls instead.”
“One bowl per person. If you don’t want to drink, don’t go out tonight.” The man said.
“Dad! I have something to do tonight!”
“Then drink the soup.”
“But I want to live…”
“That’s not negotiable.”
“Is there no justice left?” He took the bowl helplessly, smelled it, picked up a spoonful and licked it tentatively with his tongue. He thought it was okay, so he took a big sip and immediately sprayed it out. “Mom, how much sugar did you put in? It’s crazy!”
“Is it very sweet? The rock sugar was all clumped up, and I thought I’d dissolve a bit of it in the soup. But then the whole chunk fell in, and it was too late to fish it out.” She pursed her lips, “I tasted it just now, and it seemed fine to me. You’re exaggerating.”
“It’s so sweet that I almost puke!”
She turned to the man with some frustration, “Is it really not delicious?”
“It tastes good.” The man drank it all night without changing his expression and said seriously, “Everything you make tastes good.”
“…Dad, has she tortured your taste buds to numbness?” The young man looked at him in disbelief.
The man ignored him and continued, “But from now on, just let the cook do these things. I will be worried about what to do if something happens.”
“Husband, you are the best…” She was so moved that she pounced on him like a puppy.
“Hey, hey, I’m still here. Can you choose a place where no one is around to show your affection?” The young man shook his head unbearably, put down the bowl and sneaked out.
“Where are you going? You’re not allowed to go to the bar.”
“Hey, it’s Yichen’s birthday today. I’m going to prepare a surprise for him.” The captured boy grinned.
“Come back before ten o’clock in the evening. Otherwise, your pocket money will be gone for the next month.”
“Got it. So annoying.” He pouted and walked out of the study, passing by Chu Yunhan who was standing by the door. His eyes were bright and clear, with the high spirits of a young man.
He couldn’t see him.
Because it was all just fiction. In this way, his brain replayed a long-forgotten memory for him, turning him into a bystander at this moment.
His father, mother, and his younger self.
What was once an ordinary scene had become the deepest thought in his memory, making him cry in his dreams. He looked at his father and mother in the study, unable to get closer. He couldn’t move, and couldn’t speak. He could only watch everything turn into blurry smoke, and watch their silhouettes become blurred little by little until they disappear.
The door appeared again.
He pushed away eagerly, but his father and mother were no longer there.
There was a drizzle in the slanting wind, and the raindrops fell on the pond, forming small water ripples that pushed away in circles. Under the corridor of the old house, the young man was sitting on the floor, staring at the chessboard with a frown on his face. After a long while, he sighed in annoyance. He then threw the white pieces in his hand back into the rattan chess jar, and rubbed his hands, “I should have known not to teach you Go, now I can’t beat you.”
“How about I give you a two-stone handicap?” The handsome young man sitting across from the chessboard smiled.
“No way. A real man takes his losses fair and square.” He leaned back on the cushion and said, “I prepared a grand birthday party for you, but you didn’t even show your face, and you hid here with the old man. Really… you are always so averse to fun. What will you do in the future?”
“This is fine.”
“Okay, if you want any birthday present, I’ll prepare it for you.”
The man smiled, “No need, just play a few games with me.”
“…You’re easy to please. I’m too lazy to go back at night, so I’ll crash here tonight; my dad won’t complain. Up for some games later?”
“Sure.”
What’s inside this door was that man.
Chu Yunhan looked at the young Chu Yichen and himself with compassion in his eyes. Which one was more hurtful, the irreversible past or the unsightly present?
The clock on the wall stopped ticking, its hands slowly turning counterclockwise. Flowers on the trees reversed from wilted back to bloom, shrinking to tiny buds and fresh leaves. The shadows shifted eastward, then vanished. Raindrops flew up into the sky, leaving no trace.
Snow started to fall aimlessly.
The boy in the down jacket held the woman’s hand and walked forward. His foot slipped and the Transformer toy in his hand broke his arm. He lost his temper angrily, “I didn’t even want to come! Why make me come? What’s so special about some kid the Second Uncle picked up?”
The man who helped him up said angrily, “Brat! How can you talk like that!”
“I don’t want such a bastard to be my brother!” the boy shouted and ran away angrily. He almost bumped into people on the courtyard arch bridge.
He raised his eyes and met each other’s eyes.
Another boy.
The boy had black hair and a fair face and wore a small suit. His expression was calm, studying him with a scrutinizing look. His eyes were dark as if hiding a hidden light, resembling the gem he’d gotten on his birthday.
The boy was very beautiful.
He was stunned.
His mother touched his head and said, “Idiot, this is your brother. Go over and say hello.”
He didn’t know why he was a little nervous, so he walked over slowly and held it in for a long time before asking, “Well… Do you like Transformers?”
The other party was slightly startled and then smiled. The gentle brows and eyes were like bringing a gentle breeze, making people feel beautiful.
“Like it.”
…
The world spun, toppled, and crumbled as if it had turned into a huge music box. The white snow in the sky was swaying, making it difficult to open one’s eyes.
Chu Yunhan woke up.
There was still dampness in his eyes, and a small patch of wetness stained his pillow. An IV needle was inserted into his hand, and the cool scent of medicinal cream filled the room. The slightest movement awakened the pain along his back, his waist and abdomen sore and exhausted, with a dull ache on his lower body that was hard to describe. He felt as if he’d been broken apart and pieced back together, every part of him worn and numb.
He curled up and buried his head between his knees.
It was the safest position for him, yet he still felt so much fear.
The house he had lived in for a long time had now become a prison, trapping him inside with no way to escape. The person who once talked and laughed with him has now turned into a cruel existence, which frightened him.
Master and slave. In the shackles of this identity, he would no longer be an independent person from now on.
Chu Yichen did not break his promise.
He finally tasted the feeling of ‘having nothing’. He lost his identity, his freedom, his happiness, and ultimately himself.
If everything was gone, what was the meaning of living?
Chu Yunhan raised his head and looked out the window.
The sky was grey, probably because it had just rained, and was shrouded in a thin layer of mist.
He pulled out the needle and stood up, struggling to prop up his body with his legs. The dizziness and pain made him hold on to the bed for a while before he recovered. He walked to the window and pushed it open. The strong wind rushed in like a wave, blowing the soft hair on his forehead.
A flying bird chirped across the sky, and Chu Yunhan kept looking at it until he could no longer see it. He stepped on the stool and stood on the window sill, staring steadily at the direction in which the bird disappeared.
There was some noise behind him.
Chu Yunhan turned his head to look. His eyes met the person who walked in, and he trembled slightly. Then, for the first time in his life, he saw a look of panic on that usually calm and indifferent face.
“Chu Yunhan…” Chu Yichen stood stiffly on the spot, his voice seemed to be shaking, “What are you going to do…”
He looked at him, his lips moving as if he wanted to say something, but in the end he said nothing, only smiled faintly. He turned his head back toward the sky in the distance, lowered his lashes, closed his eyes, and let go of his grip on the windowsill, falling straight down. Like a bird leaving the nest, never to return, without a single look back.
At that moment, Chu Yichen, who rushed to the window and almost fell down, was hugged by the housekeeper who rushed up at the same time.
The cry of ‘Young Master!’ was almost shrill. The bodyguards and Hei Yu outside the door hurried over. They saw Du Chuan hugging the man tightly and shouting, “Call Dr. Zhang quickly, the Young Master… is down below.”
Hei Yu was equally stunned. After recovering, he quickly ordered someone to find Zhang Juan, while he stayed behind, looking worriedly at Chu Yichen, not knowing what to say, and softly called, “Master…”
Chu Yichen was hugged tightly by Du Chuan, like a body that had lost its soul. His gaze fell to the ground, and he stared at the window blankly. In his desperate grab for the window frame, his fingers had bled.
In his state, Hei Yu and Du Chuan did not dare to do anything and could only wait impatiently for news. They had followed Chu Yichen for many years and knew his obsession with Chu Yunhan, so they understood better what it meant to him once he lost Chu Yunhan.
The two looked at each other, each seeing anxiety in the other’s eyes.
If that person died…
Then, this man before them might also…
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