Afterwards, all the conflicts I had with him disappeared.
He was just like he always was.
He stayed out of trouble, and lived his life as he should, like an old cad.
Except that the whole class had to take a detour when they saw him.
It was as if the words ‘not to be messed with’ were plastered on his face.
……
I felt amazing when I spent time with him.
I couldn’t help but want to say more. He listened quietly every time, and the expression on his face was as flat as ever. He never talked nonsense, and his reply could hit the nail on the head every time.
I tried so hard to make waves on his face, to get him to reply to me as if it were a daily challenge.
I wanted to get closer to him, I wanted to do everything related to him, read the books he usually read, find out what he liked to do, worked and saved up to try and buy him something, even though he never asked for it.
I especially like this feeling.
……
I didn’t know when did I go from liking the feeling to liking him as a person.
It might have been that one time when the light of Tyndall1Click more to see about Tyndall Effect was suddenly released in a not-so-clear sky and he was there waiting for me as I rushed to the point.
Or maybe it was that one time when I was studying with him at night and I just couldn’t get back before the gate, and he took me into his dorm to stay the night.
It left a deep impression on me.
It was a bit cold in his dormitory, everyone was busy with their own work and the only sound you could hear when you went in was the sound of code being pounded.
He changed into a very large black vest, which made his skin very fair. His figure was slender, and he looked a little weak.
He said, Want some fruit?
I snapped back to my senses and said, Yes.
So he unscrewed two tins with his empty hands.
I thought I must be going crazy, my heart was beating inexplicably faster and I couldn’t keep my eyes off him at all.
I saw the strong muscular lines in his stomach and arms, and his light eyelashes that were flapping several times from time to time.
When we were on the same couch, I could smell the fragrance on the back of his neck.
It was very annoying.
I tried my best to stay away from this dangerous smell and pretended to casually ask him, Senior, you smell so good, what brand of shower gel do you use?
He said he didn’t know, and that his mother bought all his toiletries for him. After he recognized a brand, he would keep buying them.
I remembered that night vividly.
With his back to me, my heart was going crazy, and I had to fight to keep the heat inside me from kissing the swirl of his hair or biting him hard on the neck.
I realised something unbelievable and irreversible.
I might have fallen in love with a man.
There was a certain desire that allowed me to clearly separate this feeling from the friendship.
What would Lin Chu think of me if he found out?
I didn’t want to think about it.
I was spooked to learn about this area, and I went to the hospital to get a blood test on my own.
It was ridiculous and childish to think about it now.
This person unknowingly took root in my heart until his every move touched my whole heart, and I knew I was hopeless.
……
That day I told him, I like you, Lin Chu.
Can you try it2refers to trying to have sex with me?
He was silent.
When people were in their second grader syndrome phase, they always felt that they were fearless and resolute. But at that moment I was scared to death.
I thought what if we couldn’t even be friends anymore.
I thought that even if he ignored me, I would stick to him stubbornly.
I wanted to find a reason to treat this as a joke, such as a bet played by my roommate and me…
Then he agreed.
I felt like I was dreaming. I actually pinched my thigh blue and still felt like a dream.
It wasn’t until he took the initiative to kiss me, and we embraced in a deserted corner of the restaurant for a long time with our lips intertwined, that I pulled myself out of a daze.
I didn’t think I was dreaming, the warmth was real and it was coming from this man.
I was happy to the point of madness.
I went back and catch my roommates who have escaped everywhere and hug them one by one.
……
I made love to him for the first time the very next day.
I really couldn’t wait, and I was just so inexperienced, green and reckless, to possess him in a youthful and reckless manner, to mark him for all those females and male juniors who coveted him.
This was Xie Chenmin’s, and no one was allowed to touch it.
If he hadn’t warned me that he would beat me up if I dared to leave the mark, I would have actually carried out this crazy and childish idea.
The first time he held back and said nothing. I asked him if it hurt and he just frowned and said to keep going on.
It wasn’t until he finally couldn’t help but wet the corners of his eyes red that I knew I’d done a terrible job the first time.
He would always adapt to me.
At all times.
So much that I had a feeling of what I should rely on if I didn’t have this person.
……
Before I opened my eyes, I saw his memory and me like a revolving beacon in my mind.
Every moment was flashing instantly in my eyes.
Only for the moment when we first begin, it was very, very long, so long that I could even clearly feel how I was feeling at the time.
It was always good to have more memories of good things, to temporarily break free from the reality that I had lost him for a while.
But one must always look ahead, and even dreamers would have to wake up one day.
I guess I’ll just have to keep on living.
The sun was shining brightly on the day I was discharged from the hospital. Zhaocai came to pick me up, wagging his fluffy white tail and came over to nuzzle my leg.
I said, Come on, let’s get some sausages to eat.
He gave a woof.
Mom was still worried, and I apologized to her and promised her that I won’t have these assholes’ suicidal ideas again.
That day I took Zhaocai and he went to see the kitten, Mum went to see our dad and I went to see you.
What a family full of trouble and misfortune we were.
……
……
Lin Chu, Chu.
I have finished reading your diary.
I listened to you and read it one day at a time for five years.
You can’t blame me for that, blame yourself. A number of your entries just watered past in one sentence, and I couldn’t help it… So I just read a few more entries.
I’m doing pretty well now. I quit my job and become a freelancer. I write a little every day and took on some planning work and whatnot.
My three roommates were planning to start a business together, so they dragged me over to make up the number.
Now our company is doing well, except for those kids in the programming department who occasionally get into some trouble.
They joked that if you were the head of the department, we could be three or four times stronger than we are now.
I now earn enough money to support myself and my mother and all the little ones in the house.
I picked up another kitten from the street, but it had totally different temperament from Jinbao, that I thought I had two huskies.
Apart from the fact that these two worked very well together to make a mess in the house when I’m not around, they almost always fight over food and make a mess.
They made the house very lively.
Also, I’ve become a ‘dad’.
Did not expect it?
They were a mother and a daughter. I adopted the woman driver’s child as my goddaughter and I thought I could do what I could to help them out.
Chu, I had a really good time.
I’m trying to adjust to life without you, don’t worry about me.
Chu, I miss you.
And I still can’t forget the way you look, your voice. I can’t go looking for another half who can keep me company.
Forget it, I still have our mother, a daughter, a cat and a dog. I am not lonely at all, and I’m not in a hurry to find another companion.
Chu, after five years of coaxing and pestering, your parents finally let me in for a cup of tea.
I think if I continue to grind for a year or two, I will probably be able to completely change their mind about me.
Ha ha.
……
Chu, there were more and more kindhearted people in this world.
I compiled our story into a novel and posted it on the Internet, and I didn’t expect it to be quite popular.
The Lin Chu inside it lived a hundred years old.
And the Xie Chenmin inside it still likes Lin Chu very, very much.
Chu……
……
Notes:
There’s an extra posted by the author on Weibo that luckily is posted also in gongzicp~
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