In Ji Qin’s dream, the Ze’an he loved was always by his side.
In other words, he always believed that Ze’an would come back, so he endured the days of continuing to see me without looking up, enduring the me who had a very different personality from his lover but was using the same body.
Did I cry…?
I slowly stroked my cheek, which was indeed wet.
I hadn’t cried for a long time, and I had always been a happy-go-lucky person since I was a child. Of course, I’ve bawled my eyes a lot about some things in my life that didn’t go my way, but never had the grief come in such a huge and intangible way as it did now.
Ji Qin suddenly took my hand and murmured, “Don’t cry, Ze’an.”
I stared at him with teary eyes, is he talking to me? He wasn’t, was he? No one was, everyone was trying to talk to the fake Ze’an through the shell. No one could see my grief.
Ji Qin looked at me and sighed, “Don’t be so sad, Ze’an… I’m so sad too.”
After he said that, he leaned down and kissed me again.
This time, it was no longer a simple lip contact, his tongue was entangled with mine gently. Perhaps sensing my tears, his movements became softer after a slight pause, as if he was soothing me.
It was clearly a dreamy moment…
So then, I slowly closed my eyes.
When I woke up that day, Ji Qin was still holding me tightly. I was a little overwhelmed, and more over, it seemed like unreal happiness.
I pretended that this was an ordinary morning.
Ji Qin, whom I had always loved, and I fell asleep with our arms around each other like normal lovers. Then I would wake up first and trace the outline of my sleeping lover who was close at hand with my eyes, praying that this moment would last forever.
Until he woke up.
My own beautiful dream also shattered the moment Ji Qin spoke.
“It’s you?” Ji Qin met my infatuated gaze and instantly sobered up. His handsome brows furrowed in what looked like disgust.
I unconsciously stepped back a little and pulled out a smile, “Good morning.”
Ji Qin stopped looking at me and got up in silence to change his clothes and prepare to leave.
Was it time to go back to the time he regarded me as the air before?
I was a little flustered and hurriedly called him, “Wait, Ji Qin…”
He paused for a moment but didn’t stop.
“Why do you like the former Ze’an so much?” I gritted my teeth and continued, “He and I obviously shared the same body, and I’ve actually been interested in you…”
“I was drunk yesterday.” Ji Qin interrupted me.
I was stuck for a moment, momentarily unsure whether to continue the confession.
“When I’m sober, I can recognize the difference between you at a glance. You are two people,” he said. “I wish you would stop talking about him.”
I gave a dull sigh.
He hesitated.
“If …… I gave you any false impressions yesterday, I hope you won’t take them to heart.”
I smiled stiffly, “I…know.”
Ji Qin stopped talking, changed his clothes and left the bedroom. The door was gently closed, and I was left quietly inside, everything was so logical.
I suddenly wanted to have a conversation with the fake Ze’an, whom I had never actually met, but with whom I felt I was already familiar.
The fake Ze’an and Ji Qin had been together for so long, how did he feel when he was forcibly squeezed out of his body by me? He must be… sad too.
And it was not easy for Ji Qin, who saw my face every day but knew deep down that I was not his lover, to still be painfully strong.
It suddenly dawned on me that maybe I was the one who should go.
People really shouldn’t make fools of themselves.
Notes:
Ack! Ze’an!!!! I already read couple of Youlan’s work to know I really don’t like how the story developed…
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God, my heart hurts so much, I want to hug Ze’an so badly 😭
Thank you!