There were many, many things that I wanted to do.
It was just that at one time these things used to be meaningful to me, but nowadays, it felt more like I was doing it for another person.
It didn’t seem to make any sense anymore.
So I thought, I should gave up.
I went to visit my parents.
They were still slightly upset that I hadn’t brought Ji Qin over. I smiled and said, “He is busy with work these days. I think he will come with me in a few days.”
“Really?” My mother asked suspiciously, “Are you really not making trouble? I think you’ve been acting weird lately.”
I pursed my lips and my smile stiffened slightly.
“Really… that weird?”
“Ah, I’m just saying.”
My mother said, and as if she thought of something else, she added as she worked in the kitchen, “But it does seem you are going back to your younger self now. You are not that young anymore…”
It was true.
It was true that I didn’t do a lot of things as well as the fake Ze’an, and what they said was right, even though I tried so hard to learn from him after I came back and wanted to reach his heights.
But I am just me.
I hesitated for a moment, but in the end, I said nothing.
The night before Valentine’s Day, I left a message to Ji Qin to remind him to come back. He was indifferent and even a little perfunctory in his response. I thought about it for a while and couldn’t help calling him directly.
Surprisingly, he answered.
So I got nervous and asked, “You should remember to come back tomorrow.”
“We’ll see.” Ji Qin said vaguely.
I inexplicably thought of that kiss in the middle of summer, moist and sticky, with the youthful ignorance and love of a teenager. It was the first time I had kissed him, and it made me even more determined to pursue him then.
I think I had succeeded now, but I had also failed.
“Ji Qin, when did you fall in love with Ze’an?” I asked gently.
Ji Qin became impatient: “What’s the matter?”
I hold on to the microphone and said, “I’m just curious to ask.”
He paused, not sure if it was out of compromise or a desire to end our conversation sooner, and after a moment of silence, he said faintly, “Love at first sight.”
I was taken aback.
It was as if he had found an opening, he quickly said, “I’ll hang up first.”
“Thank you, Ji Qin.” I muttered.
The call was disconnected. And my brain was still running slowly, about what he said about love at first sight, and whether he knew which Ze’an I asked.
But I had him to thank for that, precisely because his answer allowed me to delude myself into thinking that my existence was still meaningful.
Assuming, what he meant by falling in love at first sight, was with…… the original Ze’an, that was, me.
That was very nice.
Thank you, Ji Qin.
I wrapped his portrait as a gift and placed it on the studio table. Compared with the fake Ze’an, I didn’t draw very well, but I earnestly drew a cartoon version of Ji Qin in his school uniform—that image of him had always stuck deep into my heart. So I’m personally happy with the final product, I guess, haha.
That’s it, you guys see, I really really tried my best.
It was time for me to embrace a whole new life, one that belonged to the real Fang Ze’an.
The night I took too many sleeping pills was actually planned out. I was probably…really in a trance to the point where I didn’t want to live.
In the chaos of consciousness, the first person I encountered was the grim reaper. This time he didn’t talk as much as before, he was very silent when he saw me, and I even seemed to even see him guilt-ridden.
“Give it back to him,” I whispered.
Grim Reaper was silent, I think he was shaken too, I should be able to make a deal with him.
“I want to have a new and complete me,” I said. “No one likes me here, haha.”
The grim reaper said, “…I will ask his opinion.”
It didn’t take long for him to tell me that the fake Ze’an agreed.
I felt really jealous, and the fake Ze’an really missed the life here too. This was the so-called two-way street, right? I really was the redundant one.
But anyway, the deal had been done.
The time was set on Valentine’s Day, the first anniversary of fake Ze’an’s departure.
It was also the one-year anniversary of my return, but since no one cared. So…forget it.
I would give a real gift that would make everyone happy.
No one would be sorry, and no one would be disappointed anymore.
I would also reincarnate and experience a complete life of my own.
And then… this time, the people who like me would only like the most original me.
I lay in the bathtub and slowly closed my eyes as my body temperature gradually drained away.
This would be a happy ending.
END
The author has something to say:
End of article, there is really an extra
A song called “Love” by A-lin is dedicated to Ze’an (go listen to it)
Notes:
Go listened to it here A-lin <Love>, I found a video where they also place the English translation for the song~
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Check out other translation of other works of this author No One Saved Me Me and No One Knows~
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I
Have no words.
Ze’an, will be in my heart💖
He’s great.
Thank you for translating this 🙂
I’m not crying, not crying~ ｡ﾟ( ﾟஇ‸இﾟ)ﾟ｡Thank You for translating (´,,•ω•,,)♡