Chapter 29 – I am a straight man at the most cosmic level, understand? (Part 1)
“Zhong Kui?” Zhao Qiao’s mind was racing quickly. “The Emperor is right. Li Chisu is indeed Zhong Kui. He’s determined to take my body and soul, which both belong to the Emperor…”
“Stop your damn nonsense,” Zhao Qi couldn’t help but curse. “Wasn’t your life miserable at home? Always complaining about being ‘lonely and destitute, weeping constantly, and surviving on nothing but the bare essentials’? So this is what you call ‘lonely and destitute’? In that case, I’d like to experience ‘lonely and destitute’ myself.”
“Your Majesty is wrong. Today, it was Li Chisu who came to me. I was only putting on an act for your grand plan, pretending and feigning,” Zhao Qiao said in distress. “You don’t know how tortured I am inside.”
“Tortured?” Zhao Qi recalled Zhao Qiao’s recent gaze at the young female musician and grimaced. “I suspect you’re fabricating things out of thin air, sneaking around, and making things up with no basis. Absolutely speechless and beyond help!”
Zhao Qiao started wailing again. “Your Majesty is truly wronging me—”
Zhao Qi waved his hand dismissively. “Forget it. I can’t be bothered with your nonsense. What did Li Chisu say to you?”
Zhao Qiao took a moment to catch his breath and burped before answering, “He said he wanted to see the little mute girl.”
“Little mute girl?” Zhao Qi frowned. “Who is that?”
Zhao Qiao: “……”
Zhao Qi pointed at himself. “Could it be me?”
“Your Majesty is brilliant! Your Majesty, I’ve already tested it, and Li Chisu seems to genuinely like you. It feels like he won’t marry anyone else but you. He even said that during the Wan Shou Festival banquet, he definitely wants you to designate the little mute girl as his queen.”
Zhao Qi got goosebumps. “Is this person sick?”
“I said the same thing. He replied,” Zhao Qiao imitated Li Chisu, trying to look like a dashing rogue, “‘Since I first saw her, I can no longer tolerate anyone else in my eyes. Perhaps this is a kind of illness’?”
Zhao Qi covered his chest. “Stop, stop… I’ve never been confessed to so directly by someone of the same sex before. Even though I know Li Chisu sees me as a girl, this feeling is still quite complex, uncomfortable, and awkward.”
Zhao Qiao cautiously asked, “Your Majesty, what do you think?”
“What do I think? I…” Zhao Qi mumbled, “Even if I were dead and nailed in my coffin, I would still shout from my grave with these decayed vocal cords: ‘I refuse!’”
“Huh?” Zhao Qiao looked shocked. “If you refuse, what about the beautiful men in the harem…”
Zhao Qi looked pained. “Who hasn’t been naive in their youth?”
“Indeed.”
The two brothers fell silent for a moment. Zhao Qi then asked, “You mentioned in your letter that you have a solution to the problem. Are you now suggesting that you want to stay in my belly to have babies?”
Zhao Qiao came to his senses and said, “Your Majesty, I’ve inquired about Li Chisu. Although he is charming and has many beautiful concubines, he has his principles.”
“What principles?”
“He never forces himself on beautiful women,” Zhao Qiao explained. “All the beauties in his residence are willing to follow him, devoted to him, and won’t leave even if chased away. But if they say a single ‘no,’ no matter how much he has doted on them, he will let them go without a word.”
Zhao Qi pondered, “So you mean, as long as I say no, he won’t insist?”
Zhao Qiao nodded. “I’ve already told him that Your Majesty has no interest in him and doesn’t want to marry him, but he said he wants to hear Your Majesty refuse him in person.”
“But I’m a mute girl. How can I refuse in person?!”
“Then write the refusal yourself. Anyway, only you can do it.”
Zhao Qi said slowly, “So your plan is for me to dress up as the little mute girl again and meet Li Chisu?”
“Heavens, Your Majesty, your wisdom is unparalleled! I’m in awe!”
Zhao Qi struggled but couldn’t hold back. “Idiot, stay away from me!”
Though he scolded, the problem still needed to be solved. If personally refusing Li Chisu could resolve the issue, it was worth a try.
As for cross-dressing, it’s either zero times or countless times. He had long come to terms with it… or so he thought.
After Zhao Qi agreed, Zhao Qiao quickly arranged for the two to meet. Zhao Qiao’s concubine, who was highly skilled in makeup, was tasked with transforming Zhao Qi, reportedly capable of turning him into a beauty unrecognizable even to Zhao Qiao’s own mother.
Zhao Qi asked, “Can you make me look a bit uglier?”
The maid was surprised. “Why?”
“To avoid Li Chisu being infatuated with me again.”
The maid giggled. “Young master, you’re naturally beautiful. How ugly can you get? How about I give you a light makeup?”
Zhao Qi thought for a moment and said, “Let’s go with heavy makeup. I’m afraid it might be too light and Li Chisu might recognize me.”
Zhao Qiao enjoyed elegance and had planted many apricot trees in the courtyard. It was now the season when the apricot blossoms were in full bloom, and the petals fell like rain in the breeze.
Zhao Qi was dressed in a bright red Confucian robe, heavily made up, walking through the apricot flower rain like a blooming peony.
He entered the pavilion and didn’t see Li Chisu. Just as he was feeling puzzled, his head was suddenly tapped with a folding fan. He instinctively turned around but found no one behind him. Turning back, he bumped into a chest with a faint scent of alcohol. His chin was then lifted by the fan handle, meeting a pair of peach blossom eyes.
“Miss Zhao, long time no see. I hope you’ve been well.”
As expected, a frivolous playboy with unguarded flirtation. Zhao Qi turned his face away and stepped back, maintaining a safe distance from Li Chisu.
Li Chisu looked at him with a gaze full of admiration. “Seeing Miss Zhao is harder than seeing the emperor. You seem to have lost some weight. How have you been recently?”
Zhao Qi had indeed lost some weight recently, mainly due to staying up late and worrying about state affairs and Rong Tang during the day. But he decided to shift the blame to Li Chisu.
Zhao Qiao had already prepared paper and ink. Zhao Qi took the pen, dipped it in ink, and wrote:
【Not good, you’re driving me crazy.】
Li Chisu studied Zhao Qi’s handwriting for a while before politely saying, “Miss Zhao’s handwriting is as interesting as she is. But how have I upset you?”
Zhao Qi continued writing: 【I heard you want me?】
Li Chisu tapped the character “want” with his fan. “Miss wrote it wrong.”
Zhao Qi looked at him with confusion. Li Chisu smiled. “I don’t just ‘want’ you, I ‘want to marry’ you.”
Zhao Qi snorted, as if to say, what’s the difference?
“There is a difference,” Li Chisu said. “I desire many people, but for marrying in a proper manner, there is only you.”
The way he spoke sounded like classic lines from a playboy. “I was just playing with them, but I’ve fallen for you”; “Meeting you made me realize what true love is”; “I’m ready to step into the marriage grave for you”… Perhaps such lines might work on a young girl, but to deceive him, a straightforward man, was futile.
Li Chisu seemed to sense Zhao Qi’s disdain and said, “The reason I want to marry you as my queen, besides genuinely liking you, is that I made a mistake.”
Zhao Qi looked at him.
Li Chisu leaned in, filled a cup with wine, and pushed it to Zhao Qi. Zhao Qi shook his head, indicating he didn’t need it. Li Chisu didn’t insist and drank it himself. Then he said, “I mistakenly took you for a courtesan. I’ve taken considerable advantage of you, so it’s only right and proper that I give you a legitimate status. Otherwise, if this matter gets out, you might not only face criticism but also have trouble with future marriage prospects.”
On that day, Zhao Qi didn’t think much of being held by Li Chisu, having his skirt tugged, or resting on his thigh. To Zhao Qi, these were insignificant matters. However, in the Dajing Dynasty, while the restrictions on women weren’t overly harsh, and it was not uncommon to see young ladies out and about, it was still a feudal society. A lady’s reputation would suffer if she was touched or embraced by a man.
Zhao Qi wrote: [I don’t need you to take responsibility.]
Li Chisu responded, “Oh?”
[You didn’t do anything too outrageous that day. Ignorance is no crime. I choose to forgive you.]
Li Chisu snorted with a hint of amusement and said, “That wasn’t even considered outrageous.” He advanced step by step towards Zhao Qi. “What would be considered outrageous then?”
Zhao Qi retreated until his back hit the pillar of a pavilion; he had nowhere else to go.
Holding a pen in his hand, Zhao Qi gave a warning glance to the approaching Li Chisu: Don’t come any closer. If you do, I’ll scream my throat out. Don’t blame me if you get scared.
Li Chisu leaned in, and Zhao Qi quickly covered his mouth with his free hand. Unexpectedly, that rogue grabbed his wrist. Zhao Qi’s palm brushed against the rouge on his lips, looking like a fiery red sunset. Li Chisu’s fingertips lightly traced that “sunset” and chuckled, “Why are you covering your lips, my lady?”
Zhao Qi glared at him.
“Is this considered outrageous?” Li Chisu moved closer, picking up an apricot blossom that had fallen on Zhao Qi’s shoulder and tucking it behind his ear. “You really smell wonderful.”
Zhao Qi’s expression was now one of gritted teeth.
Teasing a beauty can be fun, but if it really makes her angry, it’s not worth the trouble. Li Chisu, understanding this well, released his hold and said, “Don’t be angry, my lady. When I first smelled your scent at Chunfeng Pavilion, I couldn’t forget it. I even specifically sought out a renowned perfumer in the capital, but no matter what, I couldn’t replicate your scent. If you could share the formula with me, I’d make a sachet and wear it every day.”
Zhao Qi moved past Li Chisu, returning to the stone table, and wrote: [I can tell you, but you must agree to one condition.]
“Feel free to say it,” Li Chisu replied.
[Don’t look for me again. I will not marry you. Give up on this idea.]
Li Chisu’s fan snapped shut, and the smile in his peach blossom eyes dimmed slightly. “Then, my lady, perhaps you should not tell me.”
Zhao Qi: ???
Li Chisu’s expression turned serious. “Miss Zhao, there are indeed many reasons I want to marry you, but I genuinely have feelings for you.”
Zhao Qi: …I don’t want your affection. Your affection, which is scattered everywhere, isn’t worth much.
“I’ve looked into your situation at the Ninth Prince’s residence,” Li Chisu gazed at him with soft eyes. “You suffer from a speech impediment, and your birth mother is an insignificant concubine. Life for you and your mother in the residence is quite difficult. Rest assured, if you marry me, you will not be a concubine or a side consort. You will be my only queen. I will ensure that you and your mother live in wealth and honor, with unbounded respect.”
How can that compare to being the ruler of a country?! To be honest, even straight men would be swayed by such affectionate gazes from Li Chisu. But Zhao Qi prided himself on being a cosmic-level straight man; he wouldn’t be easily enchanted.
[But I don’t like you!]
Zhao Qi wrote urgently, his characters flowing wildly. Li Chisu saw that his hand was stained with ink and said, “It’s fine. I will make you like me.”
Zhao Qi pinched his philtrum, producing a bit of powder.
“If you truly don’t want to, I won’t force you.”
Zhao Qi’s eyes lit up: Hmm, there’s hope!
“After the wedding, I won’t touch you,” Li Chisu said. “We’ll respect each other like guests, and being a couple in name only is acceptable.”
…So after all this time, Li Chisu still wants to marry him?
Zhao Qi wrote frenetically: [I heard from my brother that you never force anyone. Why are you forcing me?]
Li Chisu raised an eyebrow slightly, half-serious and half-joking, “Yes, I only force you. Even if it’s force, I will have you.”
Zhao Qi’s breath caught, and he gave up on communicating with Li Chisu. He drew a turtle on the paper, wrote “Li Chisu” beside it, tossed the pen aside, and walked away.
Li Chisu admired Zhao Qi’s masterpiece and looked at the beauty’s unpretentious back, smiling to himself.
Xiao Yu came over from the side, gleefully saying, “Oh, finally, a girl who doesn’t fall for the master’s charms. How does it feel, master?”
Li Chisu tapped Xiao Yu’s head with his fan. “After all this time with me, have you ever seen me fail?”
Xiao Yu pouted and quietly said, “Tch.”
Li Chisu said, “You’re so unruly. It seems I’ve spoiled you too much.”
“Xiao Yu just can’t stand it,” Xiao Yu replied.
“What’s wrong with me?”
“You treat pursuing a girl like a game. You’re enthusiastic during the chase, but once you get her, you quickly lose interest. No wonder you end up with so many romantic troubles.”
“I part ways amicably with those I pursue, not like what you describe.”
Xiao Yu shook her head. “As they say, ‘If you walk by the river often, how can you not get your shoes wet?’ Master, aren’t you afraid that one day a pregnant girl will come knocking and demand to be your concubine?”
Li Chisu, unfazed, replied, “I’m charming. What you’re describing is vulgar.”
Xiao Yu grumbled, “What’s the difference? They’re all just heartless, promiscuous men. Xiao Yu really hopes someone will come and properly deal with the master, so he can experience the taste of being desired but unattainable, and see if he can still handle things as effortlessly as he does now.”
Li Chisu rolled up the paper with the turtle drawing and placed it in his sleeve, smiling, “To be honest, I hope for someone like that too.”
T/N: There is plenty more where that came from, so stay tuned! And stay healthy! Straighten your posture, so some stretches and drink some water before continuing hehe~
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Also, check out the other series we have on HoH!
If you like cats, check out Revenge of the Garfield
If you like dragons, check out I’m Pregnant with the Hope of the Entire Planet and The Dragon and the ‘Princess’
How about some mystery or showbiz? Check out Morbid Addiction & Perfection
What about the perfect, most non-toxic male lead ever? Laws of Love
How about MC nursing ML back to health? Forced into the Deep