Chapter 19 – I don’t believe men can have children.
Zhao Qi became nervous. Was he finally going to meet Zhao Tong, who was said to have a protagonist’s halo?!
Unexpectedly, Jiang Dehai was taken aback. “The emperor wants to see the Prince of Huai?”
Zhao Qi was confused. “Who exactly are you talking about?”
“The Fourth Young Master of the Ninth Prince’s family. The emperor used to enjoy his company the most. Every year during the Longevity Festival, the emperor eagerly awaited the unique and bizarre items he would bring from the east.”
Rong Tang’s shoulders relaxed. Zhao Qi remained indifferent. “Oh, him.”
The Fourth Young Master of the Ninth Prince’s family, named Zhao Qiao, was Zhao Qi’s cousin and also a buddy of the despised emperor. The Ninth Prince’s fief was in the east, near the Eastern Sea, and Zhao Qiao was very knowledgeable about various illusions and secret medicines from the east. Most of the emperor’s collection came from him, including things like “I Love a Dog,” “Strange/Obscene Joyful Powder,” “Fiery Passion”—besides sending medicines, Zhao Qiao also sent many beauties, one of whom, a curly-haired blue-eyed girl, unfortunately died from acclimatization issues after just six months in the palace.
Seeing Zhao Qi’s expression, Jiang Dehai was even more puzzled. “Doesn’t the emperor want to meet the Fourth Young Master?”
Before Zhao Qi could answer, a palace eunuch came in to report, “Your Majesty, the Fourth Young Master has arrived and is waiting outside the hall.”
“Already? Can he fly or something?”
Rong Tang said, “In that case, I’ll take my leave first.”
Zhao Qi extended his hand, “Wait—”
Rong Tang stopped in his tracks. “Also, I won’t be copying the characters for you. For long-term success, the emperor should practice more.”
“……” What is this nonsense? First, Xiao Shiqing, and now Rong Tang is also meddling?!
The eunuch asked, “Your Majesty, will you see the Fourth Young Master or not?”
Since he was already here, it would be unreasonable to chase him away. After all, he was Zhao Qi’s cousin. “Let him in,” Zhao Qi said.
As Zhao Qiao entered the hall, he happened to brush past Rong Tang. Rong Tang kept his gaze straight ahead, but Zhao Qiao glanced back at him a few times. Zhao Qi cleared his throat intentionally, and Zhao Qiao withdrew his gaze, smiling broadly as he greeted Zhao Qi, “Your humble servant greets the emperor.”
Zhao Qi responded coldly, “Hmm, you’re back. That was quick.”
“Of course, I rushed back from the Wang Residence, hurrying to the palace just to see you. Your Majesty, after a year apart, you’ve become even more robust! Just look at your complexion and your figure; you’re like a celestial being descending to earth! Ah—” Zhao Qiao raised his hand to shield his eyes from the supposed brilliance. “This dazzling light, I can no longer gaze directly upon the emperor’s holy visage!”
Zhao Qiao looked fairly decent, slightly chubby. His sincere expressions while flattering were enough to leave Zhao Qi somewhat dazed. He was quite a character.
“You’re so good at flattery, why don’t you go tell stories at an inn?”
Zhao Qiao smiled obsequiously, “What I’ve said is all the truth. In my eyes, the emperor truly shines.”
“I think you shine too, in a green light,” Zhao Qi said with a straight face. “Enough with the nonsense. Why are you in such a hurry to enter the palace? What’s the matter?”
Zhao Qiao stepped closer and lowered his voice. “Your Majesty, it seems that Young Master Rong has already bowed to your dragon robe?”
Zhao Qi picked up his tea cup and said irritably, “What does that have to do with you?”
“Your Majesty, if matters of romance are not my concern, then nothing in the world is,” Zhao Qiao looked at Zhao Qi’s expression. “I dare to guess the emperor’s intentions. Young Master Rong probably hasn’t yet received the emperor’s favor, has he?”
“Pfft—” Zhao Qi spat tea on Zhao Qiao’s face. “What kind of wolfish talk is this! How dare you discuss my offspring? Withdraw what you just said!”
“Yes, yes, yes. I spoke out of turn. Your Majesty, please don’t be angry. Be careful not to damage your health.” Zhao Qiao wiped his face with his sleeve. “I know the emperor genuinely likes Young Master Rong, so you don’t want to force him.”
Zhao Qi glared at him. “Are you still talking?”
Zhao Qiao slapped himself hard. “I won’t talk anymore. I’ll just do it directly.”
Zhao Qi asked warily, “What are you planning to do?”
Zhao Qiao winked and said, “I’m here to present a longevity gift to the emperor.”
“Aren’t longevity gifts usually given during the Longevity Festival?”
Zhao Qiao smiled. “Your Majesty, don’t you know me? I can’t give such gifts in front of others.”
Zhao Qi understood. “……So, what exactly is this gift of yours?”
Zhao Qiao took out two porcelain bottles, one red and one green. “Your Majesty, please take a look!”
Zhao Qi’s inner emotions were flat. “More aphrodisiacs? Can’t you bring something new?”
“Not at all, not at all,” Zhao Qiao shook his head, “Ordinary aphrodisiacs is not something that would be offered to the Emperor. These two types of medicine are secret formulas from the Eastern Realm, meant only for the Eastern Royal Family.”
“Then how did you get them?” Zhao Qi teased. “Have you become part of the Eastern Royal Family too?”
“I’m ashamed to say that to obtain these two medicines, I had to become a servant to the Eastern Empress Dowager…”
Zhao Qi thought he had misheard. “What Dowager?”
“Empress Dowager.”
Zhao Qi covered his eyes with his hand. “Just tell me what these medicines do.”
Zhao Qiao picked up the red porcelain bottle. “Your Majesty, this medicine is called Longing for You. It is specially for men. No matter how virtuous and self-restraining a gentleman is, after taking this medicine, he will feel an intense heat and desire, burning with passion—more so than even the most lecherous of men…”
Zhao Qi interrupted him. “That doesn’t seem particularly special.”
“Please let me finish, Your Majesty. Besides that, the user will also experience hallucinations, mistaking those around him for his—” Zhao Qiao paused deliberately to create an atmosphere, “beloved.”
Zhao Qi said, “Oh.”
“This medicine, compared to ordinary aphrodisiacs, has the greatest advantage of making the other person completely willing. You see, a man’s reaction differs greatly when faced with an ordinary person versus someone he truly likes.”
Zhao Qi yawned. “So if he calls someone else’s name in bed, you wouldn’t mind?”
“Well…” Zhao Qiao seemed to have not considered that, “How about you block Young Master Rong’s mouth, Your Majesty?”
Zhao Qi’s eyelid twitched. “When did I say I would use this medicine on Rong Tang? Stop throwing mud at me! Next!”
“Oh, oh,” Zhao Qiao picked up another green bottle. “Your Majesty, this medicine is called Longing for You No. 2.”
Zhao Qi was speechless. “Who came up with these names? They’re so lazy!”
“Though the name is careless, its effects are unparalleled,” Zhao Qiao said with an air of mystery. “It can make a man become pregnant and give birth.”
Zhao Qi looked at Zhao Qiao with sympathy. “Qiao, you’ve been tricked by that Empress Dowager.”
“I didn’t believe it at first either, but when I saw a man with a big belly in the Eastern Palace, I had to believe it!”
“Are you sure he didn’t stuff a pillow under his clothes?”
Zhao Qiao swore earnestly, “I’m sure. I even touched his belly; it was moving!”
Zhao Qi remained firm. “I still don’t believe it.”
Zhao Qiao grinned. “Well, Your Majesty can find someone to try it out. But I worked three days and nights to get a bottle, and it’s only enough for one person. Once used, it’s gone. Who do you want to use it on?”
Zhao Qi didn’t believe that men could get pregnant and casually said, “We’ll talk about it later.”
After returning to the capital, Zhao Qiao ran to the palace frequently. Zhao Qi’s feelings about him were quite complicated. There was no doubt that Zhao Qiao was a lecherous and obsequious little man, but at the same time, he had a great talent for humor, and even Zhao Qi, no matter how unwilling, would end up laughing at his antics.
One sunny day, with the spring breeze just right, Zhao Qiao brought a kite into the palace and asked the Emperor to fly it.
Zhao Qi was disdainful. “I’m almost nineteen years old. What do I need to fly kites for?”
Later Zhao Qi thought: Flying kites is actually quite fun.
The kite Zhao Qiao brought was “Chang’e 1Mooncake/Mid-autumn festival mythology in chinese traditionFlying to the Moon,” and it was quite realistic. From a distance, it really did look like a fairy flying in the sky.
At first, Zhao Qiao was the one flying the kite, while Zhao Qi gave him pointers. Later, Zhao Qi found Zhao Qiao’s skills lacking and decided to give it a try himself. “Let me show you what Chang’e Flying to the Moon really looks like.”
In no time, not only did Miss Chang’e fail to reach the moon, but she ended up hanging from a tree.
Zhao Qi: “……”
Zhao Qiao didn’t miss the chance to flatter, “Your Majesty, the fairy must be reluctant to leave, she doesn’t want to go.”
Zhao Qi said, “I think she’s seen you and become so distraught that she’d rather hang herself—Old Jiang, get someone who can climb trees to retrieve the kite.”
“Your Majesty.”
A few people turned to see He Changzhou walking towards them with a smile. This was Zhao Qiao’s first time meeting He Changzhou, and he couldn’t help but comment, “This person looks quite impressive. Is he also one of the beauties in the Emperor’s harem?”
Zhao Qi replied, “Shut up. Just because someone is eye-catching doesn’t mean they’re one of mine. He’s the son of General Fu Yuan, He Changzhou.”
Zhao Qiao understood, “So it’s Young General He. Seeing him in person is indeed better than hearing about him a hundred times.”
As they spoke, He Changzhou had already reached them. “I was wondering who was flying a kite, turns out it’s the Emperor,” he said, glancing up at the kite in the tree. “Should I carry the Emperor up to get it?”
Zhao Qi recalled how He Changzhou had once carried him to pick peaches at Muyang Temple and frowned, “Do you take me for a fool? I won’t be tricked by you again.”
He Changzhou laughed, “This time I won’t let go of the Emperor. Please give me another chance, alright?”
“No,” Zhao Qi refused firmly, “You should carry Zhao Qiao.”
He Changzhou glanced at Zhao Qiao, “Can’t carry.”
Zhao Qiao: “……” Felt somewhat offended.
Zhao Qi added, “Since there are so many people here, pick someone. That little eunuch looks quite thin; you can carry him.”
“Still can’t carry,” He Changzhou insisted, “I can only carry the Emperor.”
“Anyway, I’m not letting you carry me.”
He Changzhou looked at him for a moment, sighed, “Then there’s nothing I can do.” With that, he lightly jumped and easily reached the kite. He handed it to Zhao Qi, “Here.”
Zhao Qi smiled, “At least you have a conscience.”
“Your Majesty, something terrible has happened!” A eunuch rushed over anxiously, “The Prime Minister has found out about the beauties in the harem copying characters for the Emperor. He went to Yonghua Palace just now but couldn’t find you, and he’s heading towards the Imperial Garden!”
Zhao Qi was stunned, as if someone had hit him on the head, and then cried out, “It’s over, it’s over—I’m doomed!”
He Changzhou comforted him, “Don’t be afraid, Your Majesty, I’ll protect you.”
“How will you protect me? Will you drive the Prime Minister away?”
“This…”
Xiao Shiqing arrived quickly. His gaze swept over everyone present before finally landing on Zhao Qi, who was hiding behind He Changzhou. Anger ignited in his heart, but his tone remained neutral: “Why is the Emperor hiding behind Young General He—come out.”
Zhao Qi looked to He Changzhou for help. Xiao Shiqing’s voice turned cold, repeating, “Please come to me, Your Majesty.”
Knowing Xiao Shiqing was in a rage and not wanting to add fuel to the fire, Zhao Qi lowered his head and stepped out from behind He Changzhou.
Just as he took a step, his arm was pulled by someone behind him. “It seems like the Emperor is unwilling to go to the Prime Minister,” He Changzhou said, “Why make things difficult for him?”
T/N: There is plenty more where that came from, so stay tuned! And stay healthy! Straighten your posture, so some stretches and drink some water before continuing hehe~
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Also, check out the other series we have on HoH!
If you like cats, check out Revenge of the Garfield
If you like dragons, check out I’m Pregnant with the Hope of the Entire Planet and The Dragon and the ‘Princess’
How about some mystery or showbiz? Check out Morbid Addiction & Perfection
What about the perfect, most non-toxic male lead ever? Laws of Love
How about MC nursing ML back to health? Forced into the Deep
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