Separated by a door, neither could sleep.
The people outside the door were waiting uneasily, while the people inside were leaning on the bedside and quietly looking out the window at the moon hanging high in the night sky.
It wasn’t until the sky began to lighten with dawn that Chu Yichen said, “Let him in.”
Upon hearing the words, Chu Yunhan jumped and rushed into the room in a few hurried steps. Seeing the man seated on the sofa, he grew nervous again and asked cautiously, “Did you… get some rest?” He hadn’t slept all night, and his eyes were swollen and red from crying, looking pitiful like a tearful little rabbit.
Du Chuan and Bai Xiao both retreated, leaving only two people in the room.
The man glanced at him and said, “Sit down.”
Chu Yunhan sat down on the nearby sofa, his gaze stopped on Chu Yichen. The memory of last night’s scene flashed before his eyes, as if he could see through the pajamas to the terrifying scars underneath. His heart trembled, and his eyes grew red again. Catching sight of Chu Yichen’s somber expression, he quickly realized and lowered his head to adjust his own expression, muttering, “There seems to be something in my eye…”
Chu Yichen was silent for a while and said, “I didn’t let you see these scars because I felt it unnecessary. I know very well the kind of person you are, and I know the situation I might face. Rescuing you meant abandoning my responsibilities as the family head—it was my own decision, and the consequences should be mine to bear. They have nothing to do with you.” He paused and continued, “I forced you to submit because I didn’t control myself or keep my emotion in check when I saw the traces left by Sheng the fifth on your body. That was my one-sided obsession with you. I tried to turn you into my private property through my status as the head of the family, which pushed you to almost commit suicide. I will try my best to make up for these mistakes in the future. If you want, we can continue as strangers with a casual relationship. If you’re tired of it, we can end the arrangement. I can even help you find another Dom.”
Chu Yunhan never expected that the other party would say such words, and he was stunned. “It has nothing to do with me…?” He murmured and repeated, with a layer of bitter sadness on his face, “If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t have done this at all. If it weren’t for me…”
“So?” Chu Yichen abruptly interrupted his words, stared at him with a pair of black eyes, and said, “Aside from guilt, what else do you plan to do? What can you do for me? What I want, you can’t give me. And the one thing I don’t want is your pity.” He added, in a soft voice that dissipated like smoke.
But Chu Yunhan heard it. What the man said was—”I’d rather it be hatred than pity.” He froze in place, unable to say a word.
A dry and long silence spread in the room, and a deep chasm seemed to have formed between the two of them. They were standing on opposite sides of each other, looking at each other—close yet impossibly far.
“Leave. You should get to work,” Chu Yichen finally said, his voice laced with an indescribable weariness. He stood and walked toward his desk.
The moment their gazes broke apart, a wave of inexplicable panic surged from the depths of Chu Yunhan’s heart. His chest felt hollow, as though he were being pushed into that abyss, tumbling downward, about to be shattered to pieces. The person before him seemed to be moving further and further away, on the verge of disappearing altogether.
He sprang to his feet suddenly, walked over quickly, and hugged the figure tightly with both hands. He didn’t know why he did this, but he knew that at this moment, he wanted to do this. Only by doing so could he dispel the fear and unease, only by doing so could he hold on to the person in front of him. The urge was so strong it made him tremble slightly, his body pressed tightly against the man in his arms.
Chu Yichen, who was suddenly hugged, froze, and the documents in his hand fell on the table.
His hands trembled, his heart trembled, and his body seemed to be about to lose control due to tension. Chu Yunhan lowered his eyelashes, resting his forehead against the nape of Chu Yichen’s neck, his voice tinged with a crying tone as he murmured, “I’ll give you… anything you want… Just don’t push me away…”
The usually cold man’s eyes now had an uncontrollable reddish colour. His hand, pressed against the desk, tightened, knuckles white. He tried his best to force his voice to remain steady and said, “Do you even know what you’re saying?”
“I do,” Chu Yunhan said, his voice trembling. “It’s not pity. It’s regret… regret for what I’ve done, regret for my stupidity, for knowing nothing, for letting you get hurt so badly… When I saw those scars, I…” He lowered his head and couldn’t go on. The feeling of distress seemed to come up again as if it was going to tear him apart. Hot tears seeped into Chu Yichen’s back, leaving small, warm stains. He choked out and said, “I thought about it all night yesterday. I owe you too much, more than I can ever repay. If you want, I’ll give you my heart and my life. For the rest of my time… we’ll stay entangled like this. And if you don’t want that… I still want to stay by your side…”
A heart, a life, a lifetime. That was what he was offering.
Chu Yichen was stunned and stood motionless as if even his breathing had stopped.
He didn’t dare move, like a child suddenly given a long-coveted toy, too overjoyed to even touch it; like a lonely tree where, after ages of solitude, a bird finally landed, afraid to rustle its branches lest it scare the bird away; like someone lost in a long-awaited dream, holding his breath, afraid of waking the one who had never appeared in his dreams before.
This was enough, wasn’t it? To hear these words in this lifetime, even if it were a dream, he seemed to have no regrets.
There was moisture in the man’s eyes, and he suppressed it, rolling in his eyes.
Chu Yunhan, who had not received a response for a long time, was full of loss and sadness. These words had drained all his courage, leaving him without the strength to demand an answer. The hand around Chu Yichen’s waist slowly loosened, and he took half a step back dejectedly. Feeling that the other party turned around to face him, without daring to raise his head, he said hastily, “Did I… make it difficult for you again? I won’t cause you any more trouble in the future…” He tried to force a smile, but it wouldn’t come. His expression was painfully forlorn, and he didn’t know what to do. Before he could even finish talking, and he said, “I’ll leave now,”
He suddenly felt an arm hook around his waist, pulling him into a firm embrace. His chin was tilted upward at the same time.
A layer of soft warmth enveloped his lips, very light and shallow, like a dragonfly passing over the water or like snowflakes touching the wings of a bird.
It took Chu Yunhan a long time to realise that it was a kiss. He stood there stunned and slowly closed his red eyes.
It was a kiss of utmost gentleness, like an answer, like a comfort. It felt as though a patient and polite gentleman was lingering and moving tenderly, awaiting a shared, intimate dance. The more intense the emotions, the more restrained the movements became. Chu Yichen treated him with the caution one would afford an ancient, priceless porcelain artifact.
The heat in the air gradually rose; their breathing grew uneven, their heartbeats chaotic, their thoughts tangled. It felt intoxicating, as though his entire body was aflame, each inch burning with the uncontrollable desire to get closer to the other. The phrase ‘skin-to-skin contact’ floated into Chu Yunhan’s mind. He realized that the touch of skin could indeed convey emotions. In that kiss, he seemed to sense the buried emotions within this cold and lonely man—his restraint, his sadness, and his inexpressible love and hate. Chu Yunhan gently raised his hand to embrace the other, then lifted his face and pressed his lips firmly against the man’s fervent ones.
There was a momentary pause in the other’s movements. Then, fiery breaths surged forward with unyielding dominance, and the man roughly captured his lips. Chu Yichen’s hot and wet tongue pried his lips open, relentlessly occupying and consuming his mouth as if determined to seize even his very breath. Chu Yichen was like a wild beast, rough and aggressive, deepening the kiss with such ferocity that it felt as though he wanted to devour him whole and fuse him into his very being.
Chu Yunhan closed his eyes tightly, raised his neck and let the other party take over. There was a chaotic buzzing in his head, and his whole body felt like it was on fire, almost burning.
For the first time, he saw Chu Yichen’s heart clearly.
After he tore through the dust-covered heart in every possible way and cut it open layer by layer, he finally understood.
It turns out that within his heart, it was him.
That man had hidden it so deeply—so deeply that it required stripping down to the bone to uncover. And he had been so foolish—foolish enough to repeatedly let him down.
At this moment, Chu Yunhan also saw his own heart clearly for the first time.
At some unknown point, a shadow had begun to take shape within it. Slowly, it occupied more and more space. Slowly, it grew clearer and clearer. Slowly, it became a constant attachment, a perpetual concern.
Chu Yichen.
I owe you a heart, so I will repay you with this heart. Your heart holds me; my heart holds you. Only then will it be fair—only then will it be whole.
Brotherhood, debts, entanglements, the past—none of it matters anymore.
Even if I end up falling into hell for this forbidden love, I only hope to face it together with you.
There were tears in the corners of his eyes sliding down his cheeks. Chu Yunhan tightened his arms around the man as if he wanted to become one with him in the scorching flames.
Let us start over.
No longer as ignorant and naive boys, no longer as estranged brothers, no longer as tormenting adversaries, no longer as awkwardly silent master and servant.
I am willing to accompany you, using my life as a yardstick, to accompany you all the way until the end.
Leave my thoughts in your ears word by word, so that I may never again wander alone.
Let me gather your emotions, bit by bit, into my palm, so that you may never again drift aimlessly.
Chu Yichen, let us start over.
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