Even though Pei Qing said that, Zhan Weiyang still felt uneasy. He couldn’t understand how things had been fine in the morning, but by the afternoon, Pei Qing suddenly decided to leave.
Zhan Weiyang was a little flustered, but this kind of panic was not necessarily morbid. It might also be because he had just drunk coffee, and his heartbeat was a little erratic.
He began to think whether he had a way to keep Pei Qing and not let him go.
Zhan Weiyang had tried very hard, but his not-so-bright little head couldn’t come up with any good ideas.
When it got dark, the New Year’s Eve dinner officially began.
The sound of the TV in the living room outside was still ringing, and the dining table in the dining room was already filled with steaming hot meals.
The whole family sat around the dining table. Zhan Pengcheng first asked everyone to sit down, then took out the wine from the wine cabinet and enthusiastically poured it on everyone.
Zhan Weiyang was sent to sit at the small table, and he couldn’t help turning his head to look at Pei Qing.
Perhaps the action was too obvious, Zhan Weiguang, who was sitting next to him, said, “What are you doing?”
“Huh?” Zhan Weiyang looked at him.
Zhan Weiguang tapped the plate in front of him with chopsticks and said, “Just eat well. Why are you looking around?”
Zhan Weiyang whispered, “Don’t bother me.”
Zhan Xueqing sat opposite Zhan Weiyang. She had not spoken all night, but now she looked up at him.
Zhan Weiyang thought of Pei Qing’s departure again, and he had no appetite for food.
Zhan Xiusong sat next to him, quickly finishing the sweet and sour pork ribs on the plate in front of him. For him, today was New Year’s Eve, and this kind of New Year’s Day should give his body, which had worked hard to lose weight, a holiday, so he made an agreement with himself that he could eat as much as he wanted on the last day of this year and continue to lose weight next year.
Zhan Weiguang saw that the sweet and sour pork ribs on the plate were quickly finished, and he couldn’t help but stretch out his chopsticks to pick up one for Zhan Weiyang and put it in the bowl.
Zhan Weiyang’s attention was obviously not focused, and he didn’t react at all.
Zhan Weiguang said, “Isn’t it the sweet and sour spareribs you like?” In his impression, Zhan Weiyang likes all sweet and sour food.
Zhan Weiyang then looked down and said to Zhan Weiguang calmly, “Thank you.”
For some reason, Zhan Weiguang felt as if something had suddenly choked him. Unhappily, he said, “Eat it if you want; I don’t care.”
At this time, Zhan Weiyang turned his head to look at Pei Qing, who was sitting next to the big table. Pei Qing was toasting Zhan Pengcheng. He looked like an adult with an adult smile on his face.
Pei Jingrong said beside him, “Pei Qing has caused you too much trouble in the past six months.”
Zhan Pengcheng said, “No way. When I was away, it was Pei Qing who helped me take care of Yangyang and grandma. This glass of wine should be toasted to him.”
They drank the wine with mutual courtesy.
When Pei Qing sat down, Pei Jingrong said, “After the Chinese New Year, Pei Qing will go back with us.”
Zhan Pengcheng was a little surprised, “Is Pei Qing leaving too?”
Pei Jingrong did not answer for Pei Qing but just looked at him.
Pei Qing’s slender fingers were still holding the edge of the wine glass. He was silent for a while and said to Zhan Pengcheng, “Yes, my internship here has ended. I was supposed to return to school next semester to handle graduation and job matters, and with the New Year coming up, it’s also a good time to go back and see relatives and friends.”
Zhan Pengcheng nodded, “That’s right.”
Zhan Weiyang kept looking at them without turning back. He heard Pei Qing’s words, and his disappointment and sadness were written on his face.
Zhan Xueqing, who was sitting opposite him, put down his chopsticks and looked at him.
Zhan Weiguang also noticed his expression and asked, “What’s wrong with you?”
Zhan Weiyang put down his chopsticks and said to Zhan Weiguang, “I don’t want to eat anymore.”
Zhan Weiguang frowned, “Why do you suddenly not want to eat? It’s Chinese New Year today, and there are so many guests at home, don’t be angry.”
Zhan Weiyang opened his mouth but couldn’t say anything. At this time, he realised that Zhan Xueqing was looking at him. Even Zhan Xiusong, who had never stopped eating, was looking at him while gnawing on chicken wings. He thought that what Zhan Weiguang said actually made sense. It was Chinese New Year at home today, and there were so many guests. It would be very rude for him not to eat well. So he picked up the chopsticks and the bowl and said listlessly, “Then I’ll eat.”
He looked at the dishes on the table and didn’t think there was anything he wanted to eat, so he took the bowl directly to the kitchen to add more rice for himself. He filled a full bowl, came back to the table, sat down, and showed his bowl to Zhan Weiguang.
Zhan Weiguang said, “What are you doing?”
Zhan Weiyang said, “I’m eating.” After that, he really buried his head and started to use chopsticks to pick up the white rice in the bowl.
While eating, he thought carefully. What Pei Qing said actually made sense. He would always go back after the internship, and now that it was the Chinese New Year, he should go back to visit his grandmother too, right?
There was no reason for him to ask Pei Qing to stay, but when would Pei Qing come back after he left? Would he not see Pei Qing in the six months, or would Pei Qing stay there to work after graduation and would not come back after the past six months? Would he have to wait until next year’s New Year to see Pei Qing again?
Thinking of this, Zhan Weiyang felt scared at first, and then a wave of sadness came over his heart, and sad emotions kept coming up.
When Zhan Xiusong leaned over to get toilet paper to wipe the oil off his hands, his eyes suddenly caught something in Zhan Weiyang’s rice bowl. He turned his head to see and found that Zhan Weiyang was crying.
Zhan Weiyang continued to eat silently, crying silently. All his tears fell into his bowl and seeped into the snow-white and soft rice.
“Why are you crying?” Zhan Xiusong was puzzled.
Zhan Weiyang glanced at him and said nothing.
Zhan Weiguang’s attention was drawn to him. He pinched Zhan Weiyang’s face and asked him to turn around to face himself. He was stunned and asked, “What’s wrong with you?”
Zhan Weiyang lowered his eyes to look at his bowl. There was only a little rice left in it. He scooped all the rice into his mouth, chewed it hard, swallowed it, and asked Zhan Weiguang, “Can I leave?”
Zhan Weiguang still asked, “What’s wrong?”
Zhan Weiyang said, “Then I’ll leave first.” After that, he stood up and walked out of the dining room.
Zhan Pengcheng noticed it and called him loudly, “Yangyang!”
Zhan Weiyang didn’t answer and had already walked out of the dining room.
Zhan Pengcheng asked Zhan Weiguang, “What happened to your brother? Go and see!”
Zhan Weiguang put down his chopsticks and was about to get up when Pei Qing said, “I’ll go.”
After that, Pei Qing got up and left the dining room.
Zhan Pengcheng still felt uneasy. At this time, Zhan Yingfei persuaded him, “It’s okay. Pei Qing is a sensible child. Let him go and see. Don’t worry too much.”
After Zhan Weiyang came out of the dining room, he passed the living room and went up the stairs to the second floor. He stood at the stairs for a while, pushed open the balcony door and walked out.
The temperature outside was very low. He was only wearing a thin long-sleeved shirt and stood in a daze on the empty balcony.
The neighbourhood was quieter than usual, but from time to time, you could hear the sound from the dining room downstairs. It was the sound of the adults at home laughing and talking while eating and drinking. Then there was the faint sound of music coming from the single-family villa farther away.
Zhan Weiyang wasn’t actually thinking about anything. His mind was blank; he was just too sad and needed to catch his breath.
But soon, he heard footsteps coming out from inside, and then someone put a soft down jacket on his shoulders.
Pei Qing’s voice sounded, “Put on more clothes.”
Zhan Weiyang looked up and looked at him in the light of the street lamp.
Pei Qing chased up from downstairs, and when he saw Zhan Weiyang standing on the balcony, he immediately went back to the room to get him clothes. Now he grabbed Zhan Weiyang’s arm and put the sleeves of the down jacket on him like putting clothes on a child. When the clothes were put on, he carefully zipped them up and pulled them all the way to Zhan Weiyang’s chin.
Zhan Weiyang’s face still had traces of crying.
Pei Qing lifted his hand, wiped it with his fingers and asked, “Why did you cry?”
Zhan Weiyang said, “I’m sad.”
Pei Qing asked him, “Because I said I was leaving?”
Zhan Weiyang nodded, he pressed his chest with one hand, and said, “I feel so bad. What should I do?”
Pei Qing looked at him and found that Zhan Weiyang’s eyes began to redden again, and he looked like he was about to cry.
Perhaps it was the special night of family reunions and festive lights that stirred something deep within Pei Qing. He found himself recalling many people and events from his past—his parents’ cold war before their divorce, the awkwardness of suddenly having strangers become family after his father’s remarriage and even the confusion he felt during adolescence when he discovered his attraction to the same sex. He had faced all those emotions alone, enduring them on his own and believing that they didn’t matter. But did they really not matter?
Pei Qing looked down at Zhan Weiyang and smiled very lightly. Zhan Weiyang asked him, “Why are you smiling?”
Pei Qing said, “Do you want to cry? Do you want to cry for a while?”
Zhan Weiyang asked, “Can I?”
Pei Qing nodded, “Yes.”
Zhan Weiyang hugged Pei Qing’s waist, buried his face in his chest, and cried sadly. Pei Qing hugged Zhan Weiyang, patted his back gently, raised his head and felt the cold wind blowing on his face, but his eyes were slightly hot.
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