After Zhan Weiguang laughed, he calmed down again and looked at Zhan Weiyang in silence.
Zhan Weiyang was concentrating on fiddling with his new phone as if he were completely immersed in another world.
Zhan Weiguang and Zhan Weiyang were brothers, and they grew up together. To this day, Zhan Weiguang still remembered many details of the day when Zhan Weiyang fell into the water, even the ripples on the water’s surface caused by the sunlight coming in from the skylight of the swimming pool.
He used to think that if he hadn’t argued with the boy who accidentally kicked him that day, his father would not have ignored Zhan Weiyang to pull them apart, and Zhan Weiyang would not have drowned.
Zhan Weiguang wondered what Zhan Weiyang would be like if he hadn’t almost drowned. He figured that Weiyang probably wouldn’t be much like him—he’d likely be more cheerful, more radiant, and more likeable. Perhaps they could have become decent brothers, not too close, but able to play basketball and video games together, sharing some of their thoughts and secrets.
Zhan Weiguang watched Zhan Weiyang grow up little by little. He thought he knew Zhan Weiyang well enough, and he didn’t even need to talk to him. He saw everything about Zhan Weiyang, and he could guess his reaction when Zhan Weiyang spoke.
But today, Zhan Weiguang found for the first time that he still didn’t know Zhan Weiyang well enough. He didn’t know what Zhan Weiyang was thinking.
He always thought that one day, when they were older and after their grandmother and father had passed away, his mentally underdeveloped brother would have no one else to rely on but him. He never considered shirking that responsibility. In fact, he even thought that if his future girlfriend couldn’t accept his brother’s presence, he would still stand by him. It just didn’t occur to him that he wasn’t even in Zhan Weiyang’s plans for the future.
Zhan Weiguang looked at Zhan Weiyang for a long time, and suddenly he couldn’t control his emotions, and tears came out all of a sudden. He hadn’t shed tears for many years. The last time he cried in his memory was when his parents divorced and his mother left home with luggage. He stood in front of the window and looked at his mother’s back. At that time, he shed tears silently, and raised his hand and wiped them away quickly.
But now, Zhan Weiguang didn’t know why he was crying. The emotion came so suddenly that it brought him back to many past experiences in an instant, the swimming pool on the afternoon when Zhan Weiyang drowned, the morning when his mother left with the box, and then he saw Zhan Weiyang holding someone else’s hand with a blurred face for a long time, leaving him with an unclear back.
Zhan Weiyang had already installed WeChat to log in to his account. He wanted to video chat with Pei Qing, but Zhan Weiguang was still in his room.
He couldn’t ask Zhan Weiguang to leave directly and wanted to find a more tactful sentence to let him leave by himself, so he raised his head and looked at Zhan Weiguang carefully. Then, he found that Zhan Weiguang was crying.
Zhan Weiyang was a little dumbfounded. He seemed to have never seen Zhan Weiguang cry. He was so surprised at this moment that he didn’t even notice that the phone in his hand fell on the bed.
He thought about it and thought that Zhan Weiguang was probably crying because he had just said that he should live next door and not at home. He really didn’t expect Zhan Weiguang to be so sad.
So he stood up, took the tissue on the bedside table, walked around the bed to Zhan Weiguang, squatted down and handed him the tissue.
Zhan Weiguang felt that it was really stupid to cry in front of Zhan Weiyang. He took a tissue, turned his head and wiped his face hard.
Zhan Weiyang squatted beside him, was silent for a while, and said, “If you really want to live here.”
“What?” His words sounded a bit incoherent to Zhan Weiguang.
Zhan Weiyang’s tone was very unwilling, “If you really want to live in my house, then live there, but you can’t be mean to me.”
Zhan Weiguang’s eyes were still red, but he couldn’t help but feel amused and said, “Who wants to live in your house?”
Zhan Weiyang breathed a sigh of relief and said, “Yes, you should get married soon.”
Zhan Weiguang said, “I don’t even have a girlfriend. Who do you want me to marry?”
Zhan Weiyang urged him, “Then find a girlfriend quickly.”
Zhan Weiguang smiled and said nothing.
Zhan Weiyang said again, “And if you are in a relationship, you won’t always want to break us up.” He said the last sentence in a low voice.
Zhan Weiguang looked at him and asked, “Do you still think there is no problem with you being with Pei Qing?”
“What’s the problem?” Zhan Weiyang asked him.
Zhan Weiguang said, “You are too young, and some things are too beautiful in imagination.”
Unexpectedly, Zhan Weiyang nodded, “I will be eighteen in a few months.”
Zhan Weiguang didn’t know what to say. He could have said to Zhan Weiyang, have you ever thought about what you would do if Pei Qing didn’t like you one day or couldn’t stand the pressure to get married? But he suddenly couldn’t say these words. He couldn’t think of the meaning of these words. He had never thought that Zhan Weiyang would fall in love with a healthy and normal girl and get married. If that day came, wouldn’t Zhan Weiyang still be alone?
Was it really appropriate to stop Zhan Weiyang from falling in love just because of fear of possible harm?
Zhan Weiguang was in an extremely complicated mood. He couldn’t help but imagine that if Pei Qing was serious about Zhan Weiyang and they got together, with Pei Qing’s ability and skills, the life he could give Zhan Weiyang might be something that he, his blood brother, couldn’t give. The future that Zhan Weiyang imagined sounded too beautiful.
What should and shouldn’t be done?
Zhan Weiguang raised his hand and covered his face.
Zhan Weiyang was a little worried about him. He raised his hand and retracted it. He then stretched out only one finger, poked his arm, and asked, “Are you okay?”
Zhan Weiguang replied to Zhan Weiyang, “I don’t know.”
Zhan Weiyang felt that Zhan Weiguang was very inexplicable. He squatted beside him, was silent for a while, and asked again, “Are you okay?”
Zhan Weiguang said, “Is there something on your mind?”
Zhan Weiyang said, “If you are fine, I want to sleep for a while.”
“I’m fine,” Zhan Weiguang said. He stood up and said to Zhan Weiyang, “You can sleep if you want to, I’ll go out first.”
Zhan Weiyang also stood up and followed Zhan Weiguang to the door. After watching him leave, he quickly shut the door, then, still uneasy, locked it. Only then did he return to his bed, lie down, and pick up his phone to video call Pei Qing.
When Zhan Weiguang returned to the room, Zhan Xiusong was still playing games.
He glanced at Zhan Weiguang and asked, “Coming?”
“No,” Zhan Weiguang rejected him coldly. Then he walked to his bedside and lay down against the headboard.
He hesitated for a long time and sent a message to Pei Qing, “Can we talk again when we are free?”
Pei Qing replied after a while, “Sure, later.”
It was not until the evening that Zhan Weiguang and Pei Qing had another phone call.
Because Zhan Xiusong was in his room, Zhan Weiguang put on his coat and took his mobile phone to the second-floor balcony to call Pei Qing.
Zhan Weiguang’s mind was in a mess. He was also a freshman who had just entered college. He felt that he could not handle such a complicated situation, but he did not dare to tell Zhan Pengcheng.
If Pei Qing were not the person involved in this matter, perhaps Zhan Weiguang would take the initiative to seek Pei Qing’s help and let Pei Qing tell him what to do.
The two talked on the phone for more than an hour.
Zhan Weiguang’s hands and feet were cold from standing outside. He put on the hood of his down jacket and squatted in the corner of the balcony to avoid the wind, but his face was still hurt by the cold wind.
He repeatedly warned Pei Qing not to touch Zhan Weiyang.
Pei Qing asked him, “What do you mean by touching?”
Zhan Weiguang said, “You know what I mean.”
Pei Qing said, “Eighteen years old is not allowed?”
Zhan Weiguang was a little angry, “You know his intelligence is not up to the level of eighteen years old.”
Pei Qing asked, “Then when can it be allowed?”
Zhan Weiguang was going crazy. Why on earth was he discussing when some guy might sleep with his brother? He pulled the hood of his down jacket down hard, almost covering his eyes, and finally said with gritted teeth, “Wait until the day when my father and I agree.”
Pei Qing was not angry but said calmly, “Oh? Does it mean that you and Uncle will agree one day?”
Zhan Weiguang was stunned by his question and said, “I don’t think my father will.”
Pei Qing was silent for a while, “I understand.”
Notes:
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