Month: October 2022 (Page 2 of 3)

Chapter 19

October 14, 2022 / hoenimochi / 0 Comments

Suo Yang was not worried that they would not have the chance to meet again. Although he had never seen the idol drama, he knew that when Shen Huiming proposed that bet, he must have already had the next step in mind. They both knew that as long as Shen Huiming was willing, it would not be difficult to find out Suo Yang’s flight arrangements; after all, Zhou Mo was there.

It was just that Shen Huiming was really surprising. Half a month had passed, and except for text messages to exchange reading progress and reading experience, there was no other action, and the text messages were not every day.

During this period, Suo Yang flew two trips to Rio de Janeiro and two trips to New York, and the rest of the time was basically short trips.

During his breaks, he would flip through the book and put the bookmark on the page where Shen Huiming was “reporting”, but he didn’t read it much.

First, there was no time, and second, he wasn’t in the mood.

He found himself completely hung up on Shen Huiming. As long as he stayed still and picked up the book, his mind would be full of him.

It wasn’t that he missed him, not really, he just felt puzzled.

What was Shen Huiming’s tactic here?

He couldn’t figure it out.

This actually annoyed Suo Yang a bit. It was fine if Shen Huiming wanted to go back and forth with his moves on him, but it was absolutely not fine if he wanted to play mind games on him like that.

So later on, he simply didn’t reply to Shen Huiming’s text messages.

He didn’t reply to the text messages, but his thoughts never stopped spinning.

Suo Yang has never liked to ponder about people, but the human heart was incomprehensible. The same kind of rice could feed all sorts of people¹, and what’s more, he felt that he and Shen Huiming were not eating the same kind of rice. He would not even try to explore this topic even philosophers could not understand why.

But that was only before, and these days, Suo Yang completely overturned his original thoughts.

It was true that people were difficult to understand, but human behaviour could be analysed. Shen Huiming’s purpose was very clear, and in order to achieve the purpose, he used some methods. Wasn’t this a typical ‘result-oriented’ approach? Suo Yang was feeling a little disappointed when he thought about this. In the few times he got along with Shen Huiming, he accepted the other man easily and had concluded from experience that he was to a large extent the type of person he would like to get along with.

But he had forgotten that Shen Huiming was a businessman. He was asking for trouble when he talked to crafty businessmen about the Art of War.

After he thought about it clearly, Suo Yang was sulking with himself for a while and then decided to take a shower and go to bed.

He suddenly realised that he had ‘grown wiser’ through this incident, which was not a great loss.

When he got out of the shower, the phone rang.

It was from Zhou Mo. He called and asked about his progress with Jiang Tongyan.

Suo Yang said with a smile while drying his hair, “I haven’t been in touch since then.”

“Haven’t been in touch?” Zhou Mo was a little surprised, “That’s not right, I remember he told me at the time that he had a very good impression of you!”

“You believe everything people say? Would you say something bad about my friend to my face?”

“Tsk tsk tsk, Jiang Tongyan really has a bad eye. He doesn’t even know to grasp an excellent person like you when you put it there. No future.”

Suo Yang smiled as he sat in front of the window and basked in the sun.

“Is it your day off?”

When he heard Zhou Mo’s question, Suo Yang’s nerves were suddenly affected. Could it be that Shen Huiming had started to act now?

“Yes, I’m flying tomorrow afternoon.”

“Then should we have dinner tonight?” Zhou Mo said. “Old Cheng is on a business trip. It’s been more than a week since he left. It’s too lonely for me to be alone in an empty room.”

“It’s been more than a week since he’s gone before you think of me?” Suo Yang deliberately ran on him, “I think you’re not that lonely.”

Zhou Mo laughed loudly over there, “No a, I was afraid that you would be too busy and that you wouldn’t rest well, so I didn’t dare to look for you!”

For Suo Yang, Zhou Mo was the only one who would not be turned down if he asked him out.

“Okay, what time and where?”

“Come to my place, I’ve been learning to cook recently, so I’ll practice with you.”

What could be done? He could only say yes.

Suo Yang told him that he would catch up on his sleep first and come later. With this, the two of them set up an appointment.

After hanging up the phone, Suo Yang realized that Zhou Mo hadn’t asked him about his future flight arrangements, so he laughed to himself at his own expectations, but before he lay down and went to bed, he still thought maybe he would ask when they were having dinner tonight?

Whether he admitted it or not, the bet did have an impact on Suo Yang. It was like someone hid a diamond in the calm water. It looked as if it was the same as before, but in reality, there was already an undercurrent surging violently underneath the lake.

All of Suo Yang’s expectations about Shen Huiming were in vain because when he and Zhou Mo had dinner in the evening, the other party didn’t mean to inquire about his flight at all. The two chatted about trivial matters in their lives, but Suo Yang didn’t tell him about his entanglement with Shen Huiming; it was not easy to talk about it.

After dinner, Zhou Mo tried to drag Suo Yang to the bar but was rejected by Suo Yang.

Although he knew that he would not drink as he did last time, after all, he had to go to work tomorrow afternoon, and he didn’t want to accompany Zhou Mo until late at night.

He didn’t go, but Zhou Mo couldn’t stay at home, so he gave him a lift to the bar.

The two chatted on the way about nothing more than their personal life.

Suo Yang won’t talk to others about this kind of topic, but if it was Zhou Mo, he could still talk about it briefly.

Zhou Mo was curious about why he and Jiang Tongyan didn’t work out, but Suo Yang thought it was normal. He was not an RMB², where anyone who saw him would like him³.

“What about Shen Huiming?” Zhou Mo suddenly mentioned this person, “I remember the last time we met, the two of you were still dancing.”

When it came to Shen Huiming, Suo Yang didn’t say a word.

Zhou Mo was used to his behaviour and didn’t take it seriously. He got out of the car at the entrance of the bar and joked with a smile, “My friend, adults should arrange some of their X life properly, otherwise, their hormones will be out of balance.”

Suo Yang laughed out loud and waved his hand to tell him to drive safe and go home early.

After he watched Zhou Mo enter the bar, Suo Yang closed the car window and drove away.

There were bars on both sides of this street, many of which they had frequented before.

It had been a while since Suo Yang had gone to a bar for a drink, and his life was getting duller and duller. Not to mention an X life, he didn’t even fantasize about X…

At the red light ahead, Suo Yang stepped on the brakes.

When he thought of his X fantasy, he was going to laugh at himself for not even having one, but then he suddenly remembered that not too long ago, on the night of Zhou Mo’s birthday, he came home drunk and got turned on because of a phone call from Shen Huiming.

Shen Huiming.

It was neverending.

Suo Yang was a little upset and wanted to find a place to have a drink, but when he looked up, the light was green, and he ended up driving home.

The feeling of being disturbed by someone was bad, and Suo Yang felt the need to do something about it.

=======

Shen Huiming sent a message to Suo Yang at two o’clock in the middle of the night, and the content was: I have time to read that book carefully this time.

At that time, Suo Yang was still awake. He had slept in the afternoon and had some trouble sleeping at night.

He was sitting at the table flipping through the book ‘On Love’ when Shen Huiming’s message came in.

It had been three days since the last time Shen Huiming sent a text message, and it had been a week since he replied.

Suo Yang looked at his message, and he originally didn’t want to reply. But at night when all was still, people could easily become emotional.

He replied: What? Finally had some rest?

Shen Huiming didn’t expect that he would reply to the message. After all, it was so late. If he was not on the plane, he should have been sleeping.

Shen Huiming smiled when he saw the reply and sent a message to Suo Yang to ask: Is it a good time to call?

After he sent it, a few minutes later, Suo Yang’s phone call came through.

Suo Yang himself was surprised. There were only his parents and Zhou Mo in his call records. His colleagues only sent out WeChat, but all of them were only related to work, and there were no casual calls.

He originally still had some grudges towards Shen Huiming, yet he called on this night.

He should have pretended to be asleep and not even answered text messages.

“Why are you still awake this late?”

Shen Huiming’s voice came from the other side of the phone, and what made Suo Yang feel a little incredulous was that this man’s voice seemed to have a kind of magic, and it was extra sexy at night.

Suo Yang was never easily seduced, but there was something that people could not resist.

He stood up, walked to the balcony and opened the window, lying on the window sill as the cool wind in the early autumn night blew and said to Shen Huiming, “I slept in the afternoon, so I can’t sleep now.”

“How have you been? Still very busy?”

Suo Yang laughed, “I’ve always been the same, but you, are you very busy?”

Shen Huiming heard his laughter and laughed along, “Yes, I’ve been so busy that I’ve left you out.”

Suo Yang’s eyes flickered, but he didn’t speak.

“But this next period of time should be quite empty,” Shen Huiming said. “All that should be dealt with has been dealt with, and then there’s a bit of my own business to deal with next.”

Suo Yang thought he was talking about their business.

“So, our agreement may have to be delayed.”

“What do you mean?”

Shen Huiming sighed, “If I tell you that I’m in the hospital now, am I guilty of selling a tragedy for sympathy?”

“Hospital?” At the hospital at two o’clock in the middle of the night?

“Well, I was so busy a while ago that I didn’t get in touch with you very much.” Shen Huiming said lightly. “I’m finally done with it, so I’m doing a little something in advanced so that I can go on a date with you in good health.”

Suo Yang smiled, “What? Mr Shen also went to have plastic surgery? “

“Do you think I have to do that?” Shen Huiming likes to listen to Suo Yang’s joke, “I’m still very confident in my appearance.”

It was as if all the grudges from before had disappeared, blown away by the wind of this night.

Suo Yang asked, “Are you not going to tell me why you’re in the hospital?”

“I want to say it, but I was afraid you would think I was using this to beg your pity.” Shen Huiming said, “I’m not the kind of person who likes to win pity.”

“How do you know I’m bound to be sympathetic? I’m not the kind of Holy Mother who feels sorry for anyone she sees, either.”

“I had a minor operation on my stomach,” Shen Huiming said. “It’s the third day today, and I sent you a message as soon as I had the strength. Are you touched? Do you want to feel sorry for me?”

Suo Yang didn’t expect Shen Huiming to be in the hospital for the past few days after he had cut off contact and suddenly felt a little despicable for guessing haphazardly.

“A little.” Suo Yang said, “So do you need me to go visit?”

“If you want,” Shen Huiming said with a chuckle, “However, a visit is a visit, it’s not really a date, and our bet will continue.”

The author has something to say:

Thank you to the little angel who voted for me or irrigated nutrient solution during 2020-04-24 06:21:17~2020-04-25 06:25:30~

Thank you very much for your support, I will continue to work hard!

Notes:
Honestly, I wonder how hot it’ll be if not for the censorship… Maybe the author would explain in great length what Suo Yang did on that night….

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Extra: Ze’an 4

October 13, 2022 / hoenimochi / 6 Comments

The first thing ‘Ze’an’ did after he recovered and was discharged from the hospital was to find a moving company and plan to move his old things to a new place to start over.

Maybe it wasn’t to start anew, but it was just a way to live well…for that person.

Ji Qin didn’t stop him. He and Ji Qin just looked at each other and then quickly looked away—it was strange, they used to be best friends, the ‘perfect couple’ in other’s eyes, but now they didn’t even have the courage to talk or even look at each other.

He could smell the heavy smell of smoke and alcohol in the air that had not yet dissipated. He was slightly stunned but didn’t dare to think much about it, and only felt sad.

At this moment, he suddenly caught a glimpse of a painting hanging on the otherwise empty wall. A cartoon with—in his opinion—particularly poor brushwork. But it was made with a lot of care, and it was clear that the artist had been meticulous in every stroke, and used colour carefully as if he was afraid of making mistakes.

The painting depicted a summer day with a cloudless blue sky and a young boy playing basketball in his school uniform, and the sunlight falls on the boy’s face as if the boy’s whole body was glowing.

The painting was…

“It’s me.”

Ji Qin walked over at some point, his voice particularly hoarse as if he hadn’t spoken in days.

‘Ze’an’ glanced at him hastily, and he quickly withdrew his gaze.

“He drew it…”

“…Well.” Ji Qin was silent for a while, “It was a gift from him to me.”

…

“He’s really, really nice.”

‘Ze’an’ murmured after a long silence.

“Mr. Fang, is this going to be moved?”

‘Ze’an’ sighed and walked in the direction of the moving company guy who had made the noise, but couldn’t help but glance at Ji Qin again before walking away.

The man stood in front of the painting with his head lowered, his back so heavy with despair that he himself could not help but wet his eyes for a moment.

Those of them who stayed in the end and chose to stay could only redeem their sins for the rest of their lives. As long as he remembered how that man had left in despair, he could no longer forgive himself.

As for Ji Qin, who had always been loved by that person…

A burst of despair and sadness seemed like a tsunami that would overwhelm him at any moment. He really didn’t dare to think much about Ji Qin’s psychological activities, and left the scene in a hurry.

Ji Qin often thought of the person who was silly and happy all day. Someone who was clumsy but treated him with the utmost care.

That person was Ze’an.

In the past, he had heard the gentle voice of the man in his drunken deep and bottomless dreams several times, responding to his every call.

He called, “Ze’an.”

The man gently wrapped his arms around him and whispered, “I am here.”

He asked, “When are you coming back?”

The man seemed to hesitate for a moment before saying—

“I’ll be back soon.”

He was indeed one of the culprits who had killed Ze’an. He couldn’t even imagine what kind of heart that Ze’an had, to be able to answer his cruel questions so gently.

His vision blurred, the one he had truly loved at first sight. As if was walking on thin ice, carefully and clumsily liked him. But he paid his love wrongly, never trusted him, hated him, disliked him and neglected him, and finally, he managed to……

Kill him.

Ze’an hoped to go see his parents with him at the end.

He didn’t even think about it and refused him. To this day, he still remembered Ze’an’s darkened eyes.

At that time he just thought it was ridiculous that that man had not only replaced what he thought was Ze’an, but also wanted to have Ze’an’s complete and happy family. It was impossible, and he wasn’t going to let him achieve that.

Now that he thought about it, that was indeed the last wish of that Ze’an—as the real Ze’an, before leaving, seeing the family just having a simple and reunited meal, trying to save it as a last solace.

But he…rejected it outright.

That summer—

He remembered the shy teenager at their first meeting, remembered the soft touch on his lips at the KTV party, and remembered that person’s loving and tender eyes that rested on him every time their eyes met.

Obviously, that person was the Ze’an he liked first, how could he treat him like this?

The soul came alone and left alone after trying hard to live, without being recognized by anyone at present.

And as the only person who recognized that he was not ‘Ze’an’, he brought him more pain than anything else.

So, that was it.

He changed back to the ‘Ze’an’ that everyone was looking forward to.

In the end, he disappeared, evaporating into the air.

Never to be seen again.

END

The author has something to say:
Ze’an’s extra is over

Notes:
This is not really the end yet! One more extra for our lovely real Ze’an’s bright future (〃 ω 〃)
Eat that Ji Qin!

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Extra: Ze’an 3

October 13, 2022 / hoenimochi / 2 Comments

“I know I did something wrong, we all make mistakes. I watched him there for a long, long time, and when he decided to leave, I decided to stay and help him live his life and deal with everything after. Too bad, I do envy and yearn for his simple living environment, his parents and friends…”

As he saw Ji Qin’s hesitation in speaking, this ‘Ze’an’ also closed his lips slowly, as if embarrassed by the boredom.

Ji Qin was in a trance for a long time.

“It turns out that the real Ze’an is not you…” The whole thing was too unbelievable for him, and he was still digesting the first information he received, “Then when did you become… Ze’an?”

“After the car accident in the summer three years ago.” ‘Ze’an’ replied calmly, “Ah Qin, maybe you will think that I am cruel, but I have always regarded you as a very good friend, a family member even, but not a lover.”

“A lover is… that Ze’an’s wish, he has always, always liked you very much.”

“I just wanted to help him at first, but I made a big mistake.”

A self-righteous redemption that backfired and killed another man completely. The man himself was full of expectations for the world, and he watched, in the darkness, as the light in that man’s eyes brightened and faded until it finally disappeared altogether.

Ji Qin returned home.

He couldn’t quite recall the last exchange between himself and ‘Ze’an’. He just felt that his brain had been buzzing all the time. It must have been a dream, he thought.

It was so absurd.

He would go home, wakes up from a good night’s sleep and should be fine.

There was no sound in the house, and he suddenly recalled that every time he came home in the past, there was a person sitting on the sofa, as if waiting for him to come back. But he always had resentment towards that person, often ignoring the existence of that person, and went straight back to his bedroom.

That Ze’an seemed to always want to say something to himself.

But he…

He was a little dizzy, maybe because of exhaustion, or from a load of information he had received today. He deliberately wanted to forget those memories that he was afraid to look back on, and planned to go straight back to the house—and it was then that he suddenly noticed a letter on the living room table.

Intuition told him that the content of the letter was written by that Ze’an.

His actions were faster than his thoughts, and when he came to his senses, he had already rushed to the table and picked up the letter.

…

Ji Qin, Happy Valentine’s Day!

I’m sure by now, you must have had your wish granted and met the person you love and want to see the most.

I’m happy for you, really. In the past year, you have suffered a lot. I saw it all. I know that I can’t do anything well, and I can’t change anything. I’m actually very sad, I really tried many times, I want to be him, surpass him, (too clumsy. Don’t laugh at me when you see this).

But as you can see, there’s nothing I can do.

Bringing him back was the best choice I, personally, have ever made in my life.

There are many words of blessing, but I hope you can take care of your own body. Actually, I have secretly taken care of you many times. Of course, I knew that he would do better than me.

Jealously speaking, he does do a good job of being the ‘Zéan’ that everyone loves.

Since no one but you will ever find out that I exist, so I only prepared a gift for you, I hid it in his studio, the place you forbade me to go. Now you can’t control me either, can you?

Hope you will like it.

Anyway, it was nice to meet you that summer.

Good luck,

Ze’an

Extra: Ze’an 2

October 12, 2022 / hoenimochi / 1 Comment

It was hard for him to say what he felt about the new Ze’an.

But attentive as he was, he soon discovered that this person’s character, eating and living habits were completely different from the Ze’an he knew. Was it amnesia? A split personality? Or was it a complete change of person? From panic-stricken to overwhelmed and broken to finally forcing himself to calm down, he chose to observe the current Ze’an for some time.

Surprisingly, the current Ze’an didn’t seem like a bad person. He was more like a clumsy and optimistic person trying to live a life to one’s heart’s content. He didn’t even do many of the trivial things in life as well as Ze’an.

He thought maybe, only that person knew where Ze’an went.

He asked that question when he was sure that the person had no ill will.

Where had Ze’an gone and when would he be back.

Unexpectedly, after the current Ze’an was flustered, he smiled and told him that Ze’an would not come back.

He even said that he was Ze’an himself.

He tried to let himself accept that person in all kinds of ridiculous and clumsy ways. He took it all in, but was still indifferent to the other man’s presence. It was hard for him to forgive that person or to trust him, and he thought he resented him.

But that person always looked at him purely and innocently, with Ze’an’s face.

So he chose not to come back as much as possible.

“The patient is awake.” The nurse came out of the ward and said softly when she saw him in a daze in the corridor.

He let out an ah and stood up.

He felt that his mood was complicated, but he did let out a huge sigh of relief when he heard the nurse’s words.

When he entered the ward, he was suddenly unsure what attitude he should take toward this man. Condemnation? Indifferent? Or properly concerned? Why was that person always like that, so pessimistic…

Today was actually Valentine’s Day, and he knew that that person called him to go back, but he didn’t want to go back.

Valentine’s Day was supposed to be spent with the person he liked. He already knew that Ze’an was no longer Ze’an, so how could he face the person who wore the same face.

Besides, that was the day he had lost Ze’an a year ago.

He took a deep breath and faced the pale face on the hospital bed.

“You’re awake.” He felt weak, “Can you be kinder to yourself and stop…”

“Ah Qin.”

Ji Qin was startled, and all the words he wanted to say were swallowed back.

“It’s me…” The man smiled and frowned as if uncomfortable.

“Ze…an?” Ji Qin couldn’t believe it.

The man supposedly heard him but didn’t answer him directly.

“I’m so tired, let me sleep first.” The man smiled a little and then quickly closed his eyes.

Ze’an had returned.

After the huge ecstasy, he quickly ordered a bunch of things that Ze’an liked to eat. After so long, he naturally remembered all the things Ze’an liked to eat and didn’t like to eat.

It suddenly occurred to him, what about the moody, death-seeking Ze’an?

He didn’t know that Ze’an at all, especially comparing to his Ze’an, that Ze’an was like a stranger to him.

That Ze’an…shouldn’t really disappear, just like Ze’an, maybe he would find another body and woke up again.

He…hadn’t treated that Ze’an well.

Forget it. Zain already woke up. So let’s forget about that for now.

…

When Ze’an woke up again, he saw him sitting on the edge of the bed. Ze’an then asked him to help him sit up.

“I want to look out the window,” he said.

Ji Qin hurriedly said, “Okay.”

He helped Ze’an to sit up. Ze’an stared at the scenery outside the window with great care and concentration for a long time before he breathed a very slow sigh of relief.

“Zean, where have you been all this time.”

Ji Qin spoke carefully, the scene in front of him felt so imaginary it was almost unreal to him.

Ze’an didn’t speak quickly, and it took a while before he slowly turned his gaze towards him.

“Ah Qin, I did something wrong, but I can’t find a way to make up for it.”

Such a calm and steady way of speaking was indeed the Ze’an he knew so well.

Ji Qin thought, but the content of his speech made him feel strange.

“What’s the matter, can we solve it together?”

Ze’an was silent for a while, then said, “You’re right, and I think you should know that too.”

“Actually—”

Having a vaguely bad feeling about what he was going to say, Ji Qin inexplicably tensed up.

“I’m the one who ruined what was Ze’an’s life.” For the first time, Ze’an, who had always had little emotion on his face, showed a sad expression.

Ji Qin was stunned.

“I don’t like men, I don’t like to make friends and live in groups. I’m just living the life I thought the real Ze’an would like after that car accident, the way I thought it would be good for him.”

“But… the real Ze’an was driven away by me and will not be coming back.”

Extra: Ze’an 1

October 12, 2022 / hoenimochi / 1 Comment

Ji Qin was called to the hospital on Valentine’s Day because that person had attempted suicide by cutting his wrists in the bathroom.

He didn’t know what was going through the man’s mind, and he didn’t know why the person who replaced Ze’an looked silly every day, but he always seemed to have so many pessimistic emotions every day. Last time it was sleeping pills, this time it was wrist cutting, what was he going to do next time?

He rushed to the hospital in a hurry, and it was not until the door of the hospital that he realized that his fingers had been holding the phone tightly, and the knuckles were white in pain.

He loosened his fingers hesitantly.

It was only an attempt.

He thought that what he was worried about should be only Ze’an… No, it was rather his real love Ze’an’s body. Just his body.

That person… just loved to commit a suicide attempt to gain his attention by hurting himself, thinking that he would accept him who occupied Ze’an’s body.

He had liked Ze’an for a long time.

The guy was shy and cute when he first met him. He noticed him the first time he came to the court—it felt like someone made that person look exactly like how he liked.

The guy often came to the stadium with a girl he thought that the girl was his girlfriend. So he didn’t pay more attention but deep down he felt a little regretful in his heart. It wasn’t until a pass came his way and the girl nudged the guy and he jogged with his head down and handed the ball over.

He took the ball and thanked the guy, and the guy hummed with red ears and ran off in a huff. He didn’t even get a good look at the guy’s expression.

So lovely.

He thought.

Too bad he had a girlfriend.

The guy and his girlfriend would come here often, and he wouldn’t have any conversations with that guy. However, he could often feel that guy’s gaze this way, and he couldn’t help but work harder when he played.

The first time they officially met was at his graduation party. He noticed that the guy and his girlfriend had also infiltrated in, maybe there was someone the guy knew, but he was still quite happy—he was not very interested in this kind of group activity, but the presence of the guy made him be in a better mood.

He wanted to leave early during the KTV, but the man was pushed and pulled, and actually ended up sitting opposite him, with only a small tabletop separating the two. When he looked up, he could see the other guy’s nervous appearance. He smiled secretly and felt that the guy was more and more lovely.

It was the first time in his life that he played Truth or Dare. Finally, there was a round of Dare in which he and the guy were to kiss for 15 seconds. The man seemed to stay for a while, then stood up amid the roar, put his hand on the back of his head, and took the initiative to press his lips together.

So soft.

His heart was beating wildly, and if the man hadn’t held him down, he might not have been able to control himself—

……

After it was over, they added each other on WeChat. In the corner of his eye, he saw that the girl had been silently cheering that guy up from a distance, and he realized that they might not be a couple.

So that was that.

Then, after the exchanges on summer vacation, they got together naturally.

He always thought that guy was cute and fun, but after the first date, he realized that he was actually very sensible and humble, and he was very careful and caring for others, which was not exactly what he thought he was.

But anyway, Ze’an…was the one he liked.

They hadn’t been together for very long.

In the past two years, he and Ze’an had almost never quarrelled. They had a very tacit understanding, and their relationship was like an old married couple. They respected and cherished each other, and just when he thought his whole life was going to go on like this, a new Ze’an came along.

And his Ze’an, on Valentine’s Day, which he had prepared so carefully, suddenly disappeared.

Notes:
In Youlan’s work, the most exciting part is the extras where we can cursed the partner and laughed at how stupid they are

Chapter 24

October 9, 2022 / hoenimochi / 2 Comments

Ning Junyan briefly talked to Gu Yaojia about the child’s current physical condition. Actually, these attending physicians had already talked to Zhou Yan, Gu Yaojia and others. After that, he went on to talk about the follow-up treatment after the surgery. Gu Yaojia listened silently and kept nodding her head.

Chen Yuncheng stood by and forwarded the photo of Zhou Yan’s ID card in Gu Yaojia’s mobile phone WeChat to himself, and then returned the phone to Gu Yaojia.

When he was leaving, Gu Yaojia asked Chen Yuncheng, “Cheng ge, are you going to find Zhou Yan?”

Chen Yuncheng said, “I don’t know if I can find him.”

Gu Yaojia nodded, “Anyway, thank you very much both of you.” She said this to Chen Yuncheng and Ning Junyan at the same time.

Ning Junyan responded flatly, “It’s fine for you to only thank him.”

Chen Yuncheng couldn’t help but glance at Ning Junyan, and then said to Gu Yaojia, “Don’t worry about it, take good care of the child.”

After they took the elevator down to the lobby on the first floor, Ning Junyan went directly to the finance office to swipe the card to pre-pay the child’s treatment fee.

He came out of the office and saw Chen Yuncheng sitting quietly on the seat against the wall. As soon as Chen Yuncheng saw him, he immediately stood up.

Ning Junyan walked to Chen Yuncheng.

Chen Yuncheng asked him, “Do you still have to go back to work?”

Ning Junyan raised her wrist and glanced at the time, and replied, “I haven’t gotten off work yet, but I don’t have any work for now.”

Chen Yuncheng looked at him and suddenly didn’t know if he should tell that he was leaving, but if he didn’t leave, he didn’t know what else to do in the hospital.

At this moment, Ning Junyan suddenly said, “I have two days off tomorrow and the day after tomorrow.”

Chen Yuncheng gave a soft “um” and waited for his next words.

Ning Junyan said, “Can you go out with me for two days?” Before Chen Yuncheng answered, he said again, “To have consecutive vacations are more precious to me.”

Chen Yuncheng was silent and did not answer immediately. His expression was even a little strained, firstly because he had that ambiguous feeling again from last night, and secondly because he did not quite want to refuse Ning Junyan when he had just done him such great favour, but he did have other arrangements.

After a while, he said to Ning Junyan, “I want to visit Zhou Yan’s hometown tomorrow.” He tried his best to keep his tone and expression very sincere, and he didn’t want Ning Junyan to think that he was just making excuses.

Ning Junyan was not angry, and asked him calmly, “Is Zhou Yan that important?”

Chen Yuncheng said, “I feel like I have a responsibility to Zhou Yan.”

Zhou Yan was five or six years younger than him and had been brought back by his foster father less than a year before the foster father and foster mother were arrested by the police, and Zhou Yan had not spent nearly as much time with him as Ning Junyan had. But when Chen Yuncheng came out to work at the age of eighteen, within two years, he met Zhou Yan, who also came out to work and earn money. At that time, to the adult Chen Yuncheng, Zhou Yan was really still a child.

Over the years, Zhou Yan had always trusted and relied on Chen Yuncheng very much. Once Chen Yuncheng was injured and hospitalized, Zhou Yan went everywhere to lend money to Chen Yuncheng to pay for the hospitalization. The reason why Zhou Yan got to know Zhang Wenyong was through Chen Yuncheng. People like Zhang Wenyong were not good people. Although Zhou Yan did not listen to Chen Yuncheng’s advice and insisted on continuing to work with Zhang Wenyong, Chen Yuncheng always felt that everything started because of him.

Now, as long as he could do so, he would definitely pull Zhou Yan along.

Ning Junyan looked at him calmly and said, “Okay.”

Chen Yuncheng didn’t understand what Ning Junyan meant for a while, he hesitated a little, and then said, “I’m sorry, next time as long as you have time, I’ll invite you out to play, and can go anywhere.”

Ning Junyan didn’t seem to care much about this issue, he just said, “I will accompany you to find Zhou Yan tomorrow.”

Chen Yuncheng suddenly showed a surprised expression.

Ning Junyan continued, “Is it the address on the ID card?” He had seen it on Gu Yaojia’s mobile phone just now.

Chen Yuncheng said subconsciously, “No need, it’s too much trouble.”

“It’s no trouble,” Ning Junyan said, “You said it was a responsibility.”

Chen Yuncheng said, “But Zhou Yan’s matter has nothing to do with you. You have already helped so much, how can I cause you any more trouble.”

Ning Junyan said, “It doesn’t matter. The last thing I care about is you giving me trouble.”

No other words come out of Chen Yuncheng’s lips anymore because although Ning Junyan’s expression was serious, there seemed to be frivolous teasing in his tone, and Chen Yuncheng didn’t even know if it was his own delusion.

However, the next moment, Ning Junyan’s tone became serious, he said, “You’re going to have to pay it all back anyway.”

As soon as Ning Junyan finished speaking, the phone on his body suddenly rang. He said to Chen Yuncheng softly, “Sorry,” picked up the phone and walked aside to pick it up.

Chen Yuncheng looked at his back with mixed emotions.

After a minute, Ning Junyan hung up the phone and came over and said to Chen Yuncheng, “The director is looking for me, I’m going back to the department.”

Chen Yuncheng nodded, “Get on with your work.”

Ning Junyan said, “At what time do you want to leave tomorrow?”

Chen Yuncheng opened his mouth, but couldn’t say what he refused, and finally said, “Early.”

Ning Junyan nodded, “How about I pick you up at 7.30 am?”

Chen Yuncheng said, “Okay.”

Before Ning Junyan left, he put his hand on his shoulder and said, “Don’t worry too much, everything will work out.”

Chen Yuncheng forced a smile and said, “I know.”

Before 7:30 the next morning, Chen Yuncheng opened the shutter door and saw that Ning Junyan’s Land Rover had parked in front of his store.

Ning Junyan was not in the car but stood by the side of the road leaning against the car, wearing the thick down jacket he had worn last time.

Chen Yuncheng was a little surprised, “Why didn’t you tell me when you arrived?”

Ning Junyan glanced at the time and said, “It’s not even half past seven, so I can’t bear to bother you.”

Chen Yuncheng had actually woken up a long time ago, he had something on his mind and had not slept well last night. Apart from Zhou Yan’s matter, he could not help thinking about Ning Junyan’s attitude.

All of this had made Chen Yuncheng annoyed and perplexed.

The small county where Zhou Yan lived was about a five-hour drive from the city. If everything went well, they should be able to go back and forth on the same day; if Zhou Yan was not found, or Zhou Yan did not go back there at all, then there was no need to stay there overnight.

So Chen Yuncheng only brought his wallet and mobile phone, nothing else, he just pulled down the rolling shutter and locked it from the outside.

After locking the door, he asked Ning Junyan, “Have you eaten breakfast? Do you want to leave after breakfast?”

Ning Junyan said, “What do you want to eat?”

Chen Yuncheng glanced at the noodle shop next door and asked, “Is it okay to eat noodles?”

Ning Junyan said, “Yes, I’m fine with it all.”

The owner of the noodle restaurant and Chen Yuncheng had known each other for a long time, and it was too early for business. He stood at the gate and kept looking at the Land Rover that Ning Junyan parked on the side of the road.

When he saw Chen Yuncheng and the others come to eat noodles, the boss greeted Chen Yuncheng loudly and invited them to sit, and then asked Chen Yuncheng, “Is that your friend’s car? I’ve seen it a few times.”

Chen Yuncheng let out a laugh and replied, “Yes.”

The boss took a rag to wipe the table for them, and said, “An eight hundred thousand dollar¹ car, right? That’s nice.”

Chen Yuncheng glanced at Ning Junyan and saw that Ning Junyan took two pairs of chopsticks out of the chopstick holder with a blank expression, and Chen Yuncheng said to the boss, “It’s not like other people’s cars are mine, so I have no idea.”

When the boss saw that Ning Junyan had no intention of saying anything, he laughed dryly and turned around to go inside the shop.

Ning Junyan handed a pair of chopsticks to Chen Yuncheng and said, “You can take the car and drive it if you need to.”

Chen Yuncheng raised his hand and brought over both pairs of chopsticks. While getting up to go to the pot to heat the chopsticks, he said, “I don’t need it, I’m afraid I can’t afford it.”

Notes:
Okay, not only he doesn’t mind Chen Yuncheng troubling him, lending him a large sum of money, helping Chen Yuncheng look for another man, and picking him up earlier than the scheduled time, but he also offered his $120k car to use

Good thing they are canon or I’m gonna go mad >:(

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Chapter 23

October 9, 2022 / hoenimochi / 0 Comments

Chen Yuncheng ended the phone call with Guan Anlin and immediately went out to the hospital.

He arrived at the hospital early, and they were still doing rounds in the ward. He stood outside the ward and waited patiently for a large group of doctors in white coats to leave before knocking on the door to enter. He saw that the person guarding the child’s bed was not Zhou Yan but Gu Yaojia

Gu Yaojia was sitting on the edge of the bed and was wiping the child’s face with a towel. Suddenly, she saw Chen Yuncheng and got up in surprise, “Cheng ge, why are you here so early?”

Chen Yuncheng asked, “Where’s Zhou Yan?”

Gu Yaojia said, “He’s not there.”

Chen Yuncheng felt it was somewhat strange, “Wasn’t he the one who kept watch here last night?”

Gu Yaojia shook her head, “Yesterday he came over and said he had some urgent business to attend to, so he didn’t stay long before he left. I ended up being the one to keep watch over the child here.” Having said this, Gu Yaojia’s tone unconsciously carried some complaints.

Chen Yuncheng asked, “Did he contact you after that? Do you know why his phone was turned off?”

Gu Yaojia suddenly averted her eyes and said, “I don’t know, he didn’t contact me.”

“Jiajia, think about it carefully,” Chen Yuncheng said, “Could I have harmed Zhou Yan? Is there something you’re helping him hide from me?”

Gu Yaojia didn’t look at Chen Yuncheng and turned to look at the poor child lying on the hospital bed.

Chen Yuncheng continued, “I contacted a doctor friend who can help lend money to the child’s treatment. I wanted to tell Zhou Yan the news last night, but I haven’t been able to find anyone else.”

Gu Yaojia suddenly turned her head to look at Chen Yuncheng, “Really? Are you serious, Cheng ge?”

Chen Yuncheng said, “I’m serious, you tell me where Zhou Yan went. I will tell him the news as soon as possible, and then I’ll bring my friend here to see the attending doctor in the afternoon.”

During this period of time, Gu Yaojia looked very tired, as if she had suddenly aged several years and the bright and beautiful shadow of her past could not be found. At this time, her eyes became brighter, and she looked at Chen Yuncheng with anticipation. However, she soon frowned again and said softly, “But I really don’t know where Zhou Yan went.”

Chen Yuncheng looked at her.

Gu Yaojia said, “Zhou Yan called me last night and said that he was going to leave to borrow some money for our son’s medical treatment. He told me not to look for him, and that he would come back as soon as he got the money.”

“Who else can he borrow money from?”

Gu Yaojia shook her head, looking like she was hiding something, “I really don’t know. I asked him, but he wouldn’t say anything.”

Chen Yuncheng finally asked, “Who else do you think he might be looking for?”

Gu Yaojia still shook her head.

Chen Yuncheng left the ward. When he walked to the door, Gu Yaojia suddenly stopped him and said, “Cheng ge, you know that Zhou Yan’s parents are still around, right?”

Chen Yuncheng didn’t answer but only looked back at Gu Yaojia.

Gu Yaojia was still holding the wet towel that had gone completely cold in her hand, and said in an uncertain tone, “He didn’t mention his family, but I asked him at the beginning if he could ask his family for money and he didn’t answer me, do you think there’s a possibility that—” After she said this, she paused and hurriedly said, “I’m just guessing, I’m not sure.”

Chen Yuncheng nodded, “I’ll find a way to ask someone.” After he said that, he quickly left the ward.

As he left the hospital, Chen Yuncheng called a friend he was originally close to for information and asked about Zhang Wenyong’s specific situation.

After contacting several people, he barely knew that Zhang Wenyong was summoned by the police because he had been involved in the car theft case involving the two X-ethnic people.

Some of them knew the police assistant at the police station, and after they asked around, he found that the police had evidence of the two X-ethnic people were stealing cars. And last night, in a unified operation, they arrested the two X-ethnic people and Zhang Wenyong at the same time. They were supposed to arrest Zhou Yan, but they couldn’t find him, so they guessed he might have got wind of it and fled.

As for further information, no one could find out now.

In the afternoon, Chen Yuncheng called and arranged to meet Ning Junyan on the first floor of the inpatient building.

Ning Junyan was at work today, and when he appeared, he was wearing a white coat and a work tag. Chen Yuncheng found that as long as he wore a white coat, Ning Junyan’s whole demeanour seemed to have a gentle and serene aura.

Chen Yuncheng had been busy since the beginning of the morning, inquiring about Zhou Yan’s whereabouts everywhere and simply ate a box lunch outside for lunch. He happened to pass by a mirror in the hospital hall and saw that the people inside were a little haggard.

Ning Junyan’s eyes swept over him, and only said, “Let’s go.” Then he walked towards the elevator first.

In the elevator, Ning Junyan asked about the child’s situation, but Chen Yuncheng couldn’t explain it clearly. Ning Junyan said, “It’s okay, I’ll go ask the doctor.”

It was still noon at that time. Although the lunch break was over, most of the patients in the ward, especially the sick little children, were still in bed taking naps, and the whole floor was quiet.

Chen Yuncheng walked to the door of the ward and saw that the door was open, so he walked in quietly. He saw that Gu Yaojia was sitting beside the bed with her upper body lying on the bed as if she was asleep. Chen Yuncheng turned his head to look at Ning Junyan and did not speak.

Ning Junyan just walked to the door of the ward, glanced at the bed number and name on the sign at the end of the bed, and then turned around and went out.

Chen Yuncheng followed.

Ning Junyan said to him, “I’ll go talk directly to his attending physician, wait for me here.”

Chen Yuncheng nodded, and when Ning Junyan left, he didn’t go in to disturb their rest and sat down directly on the chair in the corridor.

After waiting quietly for about ten minutes, Gu Yaojia came out of the ward and was stunned when she saw Chen Yuncheng in the corridor.

Chen Yuncheng stood up and said, “I said I brought a friend over to have a look. He went to the child’s attending physician.”

Gu Yaojia nodded quickly, “Thank you, Cheng ge.”

Chen Yuncheng shook his head.

Gu Yaojia stood there for a while and asked, “Cheng ge, did something happen to Zhou Yan?”

Chen Yuncheng asked her, “Did he tell you anything?”

Gu Yaojia said, “No, I just have a bad feeling. I’m very worried about him, but I can’t leave to find him.”

Chen Yuncheng was silent for a moment and asked, “Do you know the address of his old hometown?”

Gu Yaojia shook her head, “I only know it’s in the county town¹.” After she said that, she paused and hurriedly searched for her mobile phone, “He had sent me his ID photo before, and it had his household address on it.”

She lowered her head and rummaged through the WeChat chat records.

Chen Yuncheng leaned in to see it.

The footsteps of leather shoes suddenly sounded in the quiet corridor, gradually approaching from a distance.

Chen Yuncheng looked up and saw that Ning Junyan had returned.

Ning Junyan looked at him, and then his eyes fell on Gu Yaojia.

Gu Yaojia was too serious and didn’t notice Ning Junyan, but Chen Yuncheng didn’t know what he was thinking, and subconsciously took a half step away from Gu Yaojia.

“I found it!” Gu Yaojia’s tone was a little excited, and she handed the phone to Chen Yuncheng to see.

Chen Yuncheng took the phone, but instead of looking at the photos, he looked at Ning Junyan and asked, “What did the doctor say?”

Ning Junyan did not say anything and kept walking up to Chen Yuncheng. From a very close distance, he lowered his eyes and glanced at the screen of Gu Yaojia’s mobile phone in his hand, and then said, “I have a general understanding of the situation, I will go and pay the money later, and ask the department over here to arrange for the surgery as soon as possible.”

Gu Yaojia stared at Ning Junyan in a daze. A surprised smile slowly appeared on her face, and then she reached out and grabbed Chen Yuncheng’s arm and said, “Cheng ge, is this doctor your friend?”

Ning Junyan also looked at her, took out his right hand that was in his pocket, and said, “Hello. Ning Junyan.”

Gu Yaojia was still too young, and few people around her would shake hands with her in a serious manner. She was a little nervous, and quickly let go of Chen Yuncheng. She shook Ning Junyan’s hand lightly and released it quickly, and said, “Hi, hello, I’m Zhou Yuqi’s mother, and my name is Gu Yaojia.”

Notes:
Lmao Ning Junyan didn’t even bother to say anything other than hello and his name

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Chapter 18

October 9, 2022 / hoenimochi / 0 Comments

Article 2: The philosopher in the bedroom is as ridiculous as the philosopher in the nightclub.

It was a very comfortable thing to be with Shen Huiming. Even though Suo Yang was in a state of tension most of the time during this whole process.

He would always subconsciously try to interpret what Shen Huiming said, every sentence, and even every word used. In his opinion, Shen Huiming was not the kind of person who would not speak without thinking, and whenever he expressed something, it naturally had a deeper meaning.

However, he also knew that maybe he cared too much and interpreted too much, which was not a good thing.

When he got home, he didn’t even bother to change his clothes and just lay directly on the bed.

The sheets and quilts had just been changed yesterday, but it had been a while since he aired the quilt, and even with the new bedding, his so-called happiness in life had not improved much.

He pulled the quilt over his head, knowing full well that he should take a shower and change into his pyjamas for a good night’s sleep, but he just didn’t want to move. He lay there thinking about the bet he made with Shen Huiming.

In fact, the step he took today was very dangerous. After all, before that, he had never thought that one day he would say this to a person he was not familiar with.

But it was undeniable that he was wavering, and the balance was clearly tilting in Shen Huiming’s direction.

Suo Yang had met a lot of people, from all walks of life, with various looks and personalities, but few made him feel comfortable and made him nervous but still enjoyable to be around.

Although he had politely expressed his dissatisfaction to Shen Huiming today—the other party seemed to just be very generic than sincere. He actually didn’t mind it very much. Life was originally boring and it was so much more enjoyable to have someone to keep you company.

He hid under the quilt and chuckled, then lifted the quilt and got up and went to take a shower.

After taking a shower, Suo Yang was no longer sleepy, and the discomfort from his hangover had basically disappeared.

He got himself a glass of warm water, and then on a whim, changed his clothes again and went downstairs.

Suo Yang drove to the bookstore, turned around twice and found the book—the one that Shen Huiming had read in the coffee shop before. Before they left, he watched Shen Huiming put the book back on the shelf of the coffee shop, so he must have just pulled it out casually to look at it.

Suo Yang bought it at the bookstore and bought two copies at once. Apart from the book, he also bought a pack of sticky notes and a pen in the cultural and creative section of the bookstore and went to the coffee shop next door after paying for it.

This kind of behaviour was a bit childish, and not even Suo Yang in middle school would have done such a thing.

However, what he didn’t do in middle school, he did now.

In the time it took to get a cup of coffee, Suo Yang wrote a note and put it in the book, then arranged for a courier to meet him at the coffee shop and sent the book with the note in it.

It would be delivered by same city postal delivery tomorrow morning.

The address was given to him by Shen Huiming. Before the two separated today, Shen Huiming handed him a business card of his own and added, “I’ve never properly introduced myself, I always thought we could take our time, but in case we don’t get a chance to get along later, I’d better give some introduction of myself.”

When Suo Yang finished the delivery, he tucked Shen Huiming’s business card into the book he had kept, and then drove home contentedly.

When Shen Huiming received the courier, Suo Yang had already flown away again, serving other first-class passengers at 30,000 feet high.

Shen Huiming had a meeting in the morning and came out of the conference room after eleven o’clock. The little girl at the front desk immediately came to him with a courier package.

“Mr. Shen, there is a package for you.”

Shen Huiming was not someone who would buy things online and it was also rare for someone to send him something to the company.

He thanked the lady at the front desk and returned to the office with the package.

The sender’s information was incomplete, and his name was “S”, but he looked down and smiled when he scanned the phone number, which he remembered.

Shen Huiming flipped the weight of the package in his hand, went to his desk, put down his notebook, picked up the scissors in the pen holder and carefully opened the package.

Inside was a book, Alain De Botton’s ‘On Love’, the same one he had read in the coffee shop, even the edition was the same.

Shen Huiming smiled as he took the book and sat down in his chair, leaning back and turning to the window walls behind him to bask under the sun as he flipped through the book.

He quickly turned the pages of the book first, and sure enough, he found a sticky note inside.

Suo Yang’s handwriting was beautifully written, in a style that casual and elegant. A powerful but not rigid one stroke to the left and another to the right, which was very similar to the feeling he gave.

Shen Huiming took the note and examined it, slowly reading and savouring it word by word.

【Mr. Shen: Actually, whether you read it or not, the ending of each book has been written, but that is only its own ending, not ours.】

Suo Yang did not sign his name, but he knew that Shen Huiming must have guessed who sent it.

Shen Huiming looked at the word “ours” under the sun and smiled.

That’s right. The ending between him and Suo Yang hadn’t been written yet.

Not only the ending, but the story had not yet officially started.

Shen Huiming sent a message to Suo Yang: Want to read the book together? I am currently at 4/248.

When Suo Yang saw Shen Huiming’s text, he was transiting in Paris and was about to leave for Rio de Janeiro.

The thirty-hour flight was halfway through so far.

While waiting for the passenger to board, Suo Yang turned on the phone and glanced at it, and then saw Shen Huiming’s message.

He was not the kind of person who always kept an eye on his phone. With few friends, he hardly misses any important information due to work, and his parents knew that he was busy, so they always waited for him to initiate contact for anything important.

But today, Suo Yang always subconsciously paid attention to his mobile phone as soon as he landed. After finishing his work, he finally found a chance to turn it on and take a look.

The chief flight attendant laughed at him, “What’s wrong with you today? You got a girlfriend?”

Suo Yang responded with a smile, “No, there’s something at home that’s on my mind.”

On my mind.

When Suo Yang saw Shen Huiming’s text, although he didn’t want to admit it, he had to admit that he was happy.

The note he left for Shen Hui Ming was written in a somewhat ambiguous way. In fact, he regretted it after sending it. It felt as if he was implying something to Shen Huiming, but he just wanted to say that they were not the main characters in this book, and there was no certainty on how the future would develop.

Fortunately, Shen Huiming was not the kind of person who was crazy to show off when he got a little advantage, and he knew how to respond to Suo Yang’s advances.

Shen Huiming understood that complacency over a single gesture of affection would only lead to a quicker explosion.

So, he still behaved well. Even though Suo Yang said that he wants to see a more real him, it was not right to rush things.

In response to Shen Huiming’s reply, Suo Yang again had to marvel at this man’s shrewdness.

He had made an appointment to read together and attach his own progress. In this way, even if he didn’t have the chance to meet for a long time, he would still be able to exchange messages.

Suo Yang held the phone for a moment and hesitated, but did not reply. He turned it off again and put it back in his pocket.

However, a minute before he board the passenger, he quickly turned on his phone and sent Shen Huiming a message.

Suo Yang’s reply didn’t say much else but sent his flight number over.

He sent the message and turned it off after it was sent successfully.

When he looked up again, the shuttle bus had already driven over, and the passengers were about to board the plane.

Suo Yang put the phone away, took a deep breath, and returned to his former professional appearance, with a decent smile on his face.

He watched the passengers rush out of the bus, and thought: the first flight after placing the bet and not meeting Shen Huiming.

The author has something to say:

Thank you to the little angel who voted for me or irrigated nutrient solution during 2020-04-23 06:27:25~2020-04-24 06:21:17~

Thank you very much for your support, I will continue to work hard!

Notes:
I did not just almost miss this week’s update (^▽^;)

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Chapter 13

October 9, 2022 / hoenimochi / 2 Comments

There were many, many things that I wanted to do.

It was just that at one time these things used to be meaningful to me, but nowadays, it felt more like I was doing it for another person.

It didn’t seem to make any sense anymore.

So I thought, I should gave up.

I went to visit my parents.

They were still slightly upset that I hadn’t brought Ji Qin over. I smiled and said, “He is busy with work these days. I think he will come with me in a few days.”

“Really?” My mother asked suspiciously, “Are you really not making trouble? I think you’ve been acting weird lately.”

I pursed my lips and my smile stiffened slightly.

“Really… that weird?”

“Ah, I’m just saying.”

My mother said, and as if she thought of something else, she added as she worked in the kitchen, “But it does seem you are going back to your younger self now. You are not that young anymore…”

It was true.

It was true that I didn’t do a lot of things as well as the fake Ze’an, and what they said was right, even though I tried so hard to learn from him after I came back and wanted to reach his heights.

But I am just me.

I hesitated for a moment, but in the end, I said nothing.

The night before Valentine’s Day, I left a message to Ji Qin to remind him to come back. He was indifferent and even a little perfunctory in his response. I thought about it for a while and couldn’t help calling him directly.

Surprisingly, he answered.

So I got nervous and asked, “You should remember to come back tomorrow.”

“We’ll see.” Ji Qin said vaguely.

I inexplicably thought of that kiss in the middle of summer, moist and sticky, with the youthful ignorance and love of a teenager. It was the first time I had kissed him, and it made me even more determined to pursue him then.

I think I had succeeded now, but I had also failed.

“Ji Qin, when did you fall in love with Ze’an?” I asked gently.

Ji Qin became impatient: “What’s the matter?”

I hold on to the microphone and said, “I’m just curious to ask.”

He paused, not sure if it was out of compromise or a desire to end our conversation sooner, and after a moment of silence, he said faintly, “Love at first sight.”

I was taken aback.

It was as if he had found an opening, he quickly said, “I’ll hang up first.”

“Thank you, Ji Qin.” I muttered.

The call was disconnected. And my brain was still running slowly, about what he said about love at first sight, and whether he knew which Ze’an I asked.

But I had him to thank for that, precisely because his answer allowed me to delude myself into thinking that my existence was still meaningful.

Assuming, what he meant by falling in love at first sight, was with…… the original Ze’an, that was, me.

That was very nice.

Thank you, Ji Qin.

I wrapped his portrait as a gift and placed it on the studio table. Compared with the fake Ze’an, I didn’t draw very well, but I earnestly drew a cartoon version of Ji Qin in his school uniform—that image of him had always stuck deep into my heart. So I’m personally happy with the final product, I guess, haha.

That’s it, you guys see, I really really tried my best.

It was time for me to embrace a whole new life, one that belonged to the real Fang Ze’an.

The night I took too many sleeping pills was actually planned out. I was probably…really in a trance to the point where I didn’t want to live.

In the chaos of consciousness, the first person I encountered was the grim reaper. This time he didn’t talk as much as before, he was very silent when he saw me, and I even seemed to even see him guilt-ridden.

“Give it back to him,” I whispered.

Grim Reaper was silent, I think he was shaken too, I should be able to make a deal with him.

“I want to have a new and complete me,” I said. “No one likes me here, haha.”

The grim reaper said, “…I will ask his opinion.”

It didn’t take long for him to tell me that the fake Ze’an agreed.

I felt really jealous, and the fake Ze’an really missed the life here too. This was the so-called two-way street, right? I really was the redundant one.

But anyway, the deal had been done.

The time was set on Valentine’s Day, the first anniversary of fake Ze’an’s departure.

It was also the one-year anniversary of my return, but since no one cared. So…forget it.

I would give a real gift that would make everyone happy.

No one would be sorry, and no one would be disappointed anymore.

I would also reincarnate and experience a complete life of my own.

And then… this time, the people who like me would only like the most original me.

I lay in the bathtub and slowly closed my eyes as my body temperature gradually drained away.

This would be a happy ending.

END

The author has something to say:
End of article, there is really an extra

A song called “Love” by A-lin is dedicated to Ze’an (go listen to it)

Notes:
Go listened to it here A-lin <Love>, I found a video where they also place the English translation for the song~

Chapter 12

October 8, 2022 / hoenimochi / 0 Comments

Without the aid of sleeping pills, it was even harder for me to fall asleep.

I knew Ji Qin would not allow me to absurdly drug myself to sleep every day again, so I would also force myself to close my eyes. The long nights were really hard, but I figured it wouldn’t matter if I endured them. The painting was almost finished, and all the suffering… will reach the end.

Ji Qin still ignored me. He was very busy with work, and I often only saw him at night, sometimes even late at night. His job seemed to require him to socialize a lot lately, and for several days in a row, he came back drunk and was helped back by the driver.

I picked him up subconsciously. He leaned against me drunkenly, and especially softly called me, “Ze’an.”

Sometimes I actually hoped for him to be drunk.

Because at that time, he wasn’t cold at all. He was calling the name Ze’an gently, and the name was spoken between his lips and teeth lovingly. I couldn’t resist this warmth that wasn’t easily earned——

But of course, I knew that it wasn’t me he was calling.

Ze’an.

I dared do nothing but respond to him softly, “I’m here.”

As if he didn’t believe me, he asked me again, “Are you Ze’an?”

My lips twitched, and I found it difficult to answer the question.

I think… of course I’m Ze’an.

But wasn’t the Ze’an he wanted, I guess.

I sighed and whispered, “I’m Ze’an.”

He didn’t answer and his ever-tight brow slowly loosened to reveal a look akin to resignation.

I didn’t dare to look at him directly, and merely rested my forehead against his, and when the warm skins touched, I suddenly felt the urge to cry.

“…The Ze’an you want will be back soon.”

I said.

The day the painting finished was exactly three days before Valentine’s Day. It was rare for Ji Qin to stay at home during the day. When I was sitting in the living room in a daze, he suddenly spoke up and asked me, “What’s the date today?”

He almost never spoke to me, and I snapped out of my daze and answered him quickly.

And when he learned that Valentine’s Day was coming, his expression was very sad.

I felt like I knew why he was like this. Because Valentine’s Day was the day the fake Ze’an disappeared. It had been almost a year since the fake Ze’an disappeared… In fact, I had actually been back for a year, but no one seemed to be happy about my existence. Sigh.

Ji Qin turned around and went back to his room, I hesitated for a moment, but couldn’t help knocking on his door.

“Ji Qin?”

When he heard my voice, there was no expression on his face and even the melancholy expression that had just flashed by disappeared. Maybe he had sorted out his mood quickly.

“What’s wrong.”

I hesitated for a moment and said, “Are you free to come home with me in the next couple of days? My parents even called two days ago asking about us…”

Ji Qin…had met my parents with the fake Ze’an after all. I knew that he had also been in touch with my parents during the year, and he had also visited them alone, but he had never gone back with me to see them. During this period of time, my parents asked me openly and secretly if there was something wrong with my relationship with Ji Qin, so I thought I should probably visit them during these two days.

In any case, my parents were still the closest people to me, and Ji Qin was the person I had always liked for a long time. If I could see the three of them meet with my own eyes, it would be like having my wish fulfilled.

Ji Qin was also stunned, and a clear struggle flashed across his face.

Would he say yes?

My heart beat faster, and I didn’t dare to look up at him.

“…I don’t think so.”

After a long time, I heard him replied.

Surprisingly, my mind was especially peaceful. I didn’t seem surprised to hear this answer.

In the boundless and indistinct vast dreams, I was the only one who was aware¹ But I…had been reluctant to admit it, as if I still had expectations of the world.

I smiled and said to him, “Well…I’m just asking. I plan to visit my parents by myself tomorrow.”

Ji Qin frowned and looked at me, and after a long silence he said, “As you wish.”

Before he was about to close the door, I stopped him again.

“You…you’re going to be very busy these two days. I have a present I want to give you.” I said, “It’s Valentine’s Day.”

The author has something to say:
It’s almost over.

Notes:
About the poem by Li Bai, the title is 与元丹丘方城寺谈玄作, I’m not sure how it should be translated as I didn’t find the official translation of that particular poem.
In my interpretation, the phrase meant that Ze’an felt the whole world is just like a long and winding dream because of the unreal situation and he was very depressed as he was the only one who was aware that the Ze’an they all preferred was actually not the real one.

Article 2: The philosopher in the bedroom is as ridiculous as the philosopher in the nightclub.

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