Chapter 3

       In the evening, Wen Jianing waited for Su Shan in the bar. Only when works were over, Su Shan finally drove him back.

       Wen Jianing found that he couldn’t calm down. As long as he had nothing to do to calm down, he would be very concerned about his current body very much. If one has to measure the gains and losses, Wen Jianing has lost money, status, identity and honor, but he has won a youth that couldn’t be exchanged for anything. However, this young body lacks the most important things for men.

       He wondered if he had done something heinous and unforgivable that he didn’t know, so God deliberately wanted to punish him and put him in this situation.

       Wen Jianing’s heart felt so confused that he only reacted when Su Shan called Ke Xinhang’s name twice in a row.

       “Huh?” Wen Jianing turned to look at Su Shan who was driving.

       Su Shan asked, “You seem to be distracted all over today. Did something happen at home?”

       Wen Jianing shook his head, “I’m fine.”

       Su Shan then stopped pestering about the problem and said, “Do you know what I tried to look for you?”

       Wen Jianing really didn’t know. He gave a vague “um” and waited for Su Shan to explain the rest.

       Su Shan said, “I helped you find someone to contact the producer of the show. They said that there will be no large-scale audition. All the contestants were determined by the director team themselves. I told them about your conditions. They looked at your photos and they were very interested. They told you to go and see first when you have time, which is equivalent to an interview.”

       “Talent…show?” Wen Jianing asked hesitantly.

       Su Shan stepped on the brakes suddenly, “Ke Xinhang, what’s the matter with you?”

       Wen Jianing felt that Su Shan was a little unhappy. He quickly picked up his messy thoughts and said sincerely to Su Shan, “I’m sorry, Shan ge, there’s something troubling me in the past two days. I feel like a little out of shape.”

       Su Shan’s attitude was a little more relaxed, “I asked you earlier, why don’t you say it?”

       Wen Jianing said, “Because it is too personal…”

       Su Shan heard this, and didn’t press him any further, and said, “If you refuse to say it, deal with it yourself. If you hadn’t begged me for so long, I wouldn’t care about you. Take advantage of it yourself.”

       Wen Jianing nodded, “Thank you Shan ge.”

       Su Shan drove him to the downstairs of Ke Xinhang’s rental housing complex. After Ke Xinhang got out of the car, Su Shan turned back and left.

       Wen Jianing stood and watched Su Shan’s car drive away. Suddenly, he had the illusion that he was acting. He seemed to be playing as a young man named Ke Xinhang. There was no NG*, and no ending. He needed to remind himself to play this role all the time.

       Back to the room where Ke Xinhang lived, Wen Jianing collapsed on the sofa. He found the TV remote control on the sofa, and then turned on the TV.

       It was already late at this time. Wen Jianing changed channels at random until he saw a channel that was playing back the previous entertainment program. It was a reporter’s interview with Lu Jinlang after the awards ceremony that day. He asked Lu Jinlang what he thought of Wen Jianing’s winning the Film Emperor award.

       As he faced the camera, Lu Jinlang said calmly, “He lives up to the expectation.”**

       The reporter asked, “Who do you think you and he deserve the award more?”

       Lu Jinlang said, “Hasn’t the Organizing Committee announced the results?”

       With that, the interview was interrupted and Lu Jinlang was escorted away.

       And what was he doing at that time? Wen Jianing recalled that he took the Film Emperor trophy. At the height of excitement, he attended the banquet after the award ceremony, interviewed by reporters, took pictures, and then drank a lot of wine….

       He raised his hand and covered his eyes. Would it not have been like this if he had not drunk so indulgently at that time?

       What is Lu Jinlang doing now? Would he treat him as a joke, and just laugh?

       Wen Jianing lay on the sofa for half an hour and got up to take a bath. He was not familiar with this house. He had to search carefully to find many things.

       When he opened the bedside drawer to find his underwear, Wen Jianing hesitated, because these old underwear were worn by the original owner, but he immediately thought that the original owner of the underwear was also this body, and there seemed to be nothing to mind. However, Ke Xinhang’s underwear were boxers, which wrap his lower part tightly. He should be afraid of being known about his physical condition.

       When he walked into the bathroom, Wen Jianing always couldn’t help but turn his head away. He didn’t want to see the incomplete parts of his body. He stood under the shower head and felt the hot water wash over his body. He suddenly held his breath and raised his head to let the hot water swept his face. He persisted until he couldn’t bear it, then he lowered his head and gasped, with one hand on the glass of the shower room.

       After he caught his breath again, Wen Jianing stretched his hand down. He just wanted to know if his body was completely abnormal. But there was no way, he couldn’t tell whether it was because of psychological effects or because his body was too tired. There was no response below. His head was also dizzy. He couldn’t feel comfortable, so he had to stop his hands, washed his body, put on his clothes and go out.

       That night, Wen Jianing thought he would be unable to sleep, but unexpectedly, he was immediately dead asleep as soon as he lay in bed. After all, he was still very young. He had a rare night of dreamless sleep until the next morning. It was almost ten o’clock when he woke up.

       Wen Jianing felt that he had not tried to sleep so deep for a long time. He sat up and sat blankly on bed for more than ten minutes before he put on his clothes and got out of bed.

       With nothing to do this morning, Wen Jianing began to look through Ke Xinhang’s belongings carefully.

       Yesterday, because he hurried out, Wen Jianing didn’t pay attention to many things. In fact, after looking carefully today, he found that Ke Xinhang had more than one electric guitar at home and a mike in front of the computer that looked valuable.

       He turned on Ke Xinhang’s computer and found a lot of music production software on the desktop, which he didn’t even know. On the computer’s hard drive, Wen Jianing found a folder containing all the songs written by Ke Xinhang himself. He also found self-playing and singing records by Ke Xinhang.

       These were not important to him. Later, Wen Jianing found several diaries in Ke Xinhang’s drawer. He took the diary and sat on the sofa, flipping through them one by one. These diaries were left by Ke Xinhang when he was still a student. He probably never wrote them again after graduation.

       However, from a few simple words, Wen Jianing learned more or less about Ke Xinhang. He was born with a disability. He had seen a doctor and was told that his condition was incurable. He was not fertile and at most could only have cosmetic surgery. Ke Xinhang grew up with an inferiority complex, but he was tenacious and competitive. He grew up in such a contradictory manner. Except for his parents and a brother, he carefully protected his secrets in front of others. After he graduated from high school, he never went to college and went out alone.

       He liked music very much and has loved it since childhood. Although his diary had been cut off since he graduated, Wen Jianing could also imagine that he must have suffered a lot when he graduated from school. He taught himself music while working and saved money to buy a guitar.

       Wen Jianing put down his diary and went to the bathroom. He looked at the beautiful young man in the mirror. He was undoubtedly crippled, but he was stubborn and not willing to take things just like that. He wanted to break into the entertainment circle, wanted to sing, wanted to release an album and had a concert. But has he ever thought about what he would face once he entered that circle? Would his physical condition be known one day, exposed by people with ulterior motives and ridiculed by people all over the world?

       He reached out and touched the eyebrows in the mirror. Wen Jianing felt that Ke Xinhang was still too young and naive.

       After he tidied up the diary, Wen Jianing continued to browse through Ke Xinhang’s computer randomly. He found the favorite web page of Ke Xinhang’s browser and found that Ke Xinhang had the habit of sorting out his weekly schedule. Now, apart from going to the bar to sing, Ke Xinhang spends most of the time writing and singing. He also sent demos to the record company. Wen Jianing didn’t know if he got any response.

       Afterwards, Wen Jianing saw that there was a webpage of a singing contest advertisement in Ke Xinhang’s favorites. After he clicked on it, Wen Jianing saw Lu Jinlang on the advertisement page at a glance.

       He was taken aback for a while, and then read the introduction in the small print on the web page, only to realize that the name was sing to soul. Lu Jinlang was invited to be the judge of the singing competition with the Chinese name of the “Voice of The Soul”.

       The organizer of the competition was the most well-known TV station in China. It was not surprising that Lu Jinlang could be invited in terms of financial resources and contacts. Except Lu Jinlang, the other three judges rank among the top ten in the domestic singing world. Lu Jinlang was the only one that was not a professional singer.

       Wen Jianing’s impression of the contest became poor instantly. He always felt that they were not serious enough. It was just an entertainment program made for publicity and ratings.

       However, Ke Xinhang obviously yearned for it. He even kept this web page deliberately, but he didn’t know whether the interview Su Shan mentioned to him before was about this contest.

       Wen Jianing planned to delete the web page. If he had the opportunity to meet Ke Xinhang, he would definitely dissuade the young man to give up his idea. There were countless costs behind the scenes of the entertainment industry. He felt that Ke Xinhang’s physical condition was really unsuitable for developing in this direction.

       But at the moment he clicked the mouse to delete it, he hesitated. He was not Ke Xinhang, so why should he make a decision for him? Now he has occupied other people’s bodies, and he didn’t know anything about where Ke Xinhang was and whether he was still in the world. Was he now in a hurry to erase the other party’s existence?

       He didn’t like singing and he could resell Ke Xinhang’s expensive guitar and microphone. He could stop going to the bar, not participating in any competitions, and then live his next life according to his own wishes.

       But what did he like? Acting? He discouraged Ke Xinhang from singing, but could he use such a body to act again? What should the future look like? How could he take this step? Wen Jianing fell into unprecedented doubts and sat in front of the computer for a long time.

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The author has something to say:

To explain the setting, xiao shou just has no fertility, but has the ability to have sex. Now he can’t do it because of psychological pressure. The original owner of the body can. Do you understand what I’m talking about… I always feel that every chapter is at risk of being locked.

I don’t know how long it will be. I actually have an outline, but I don’t have any idea about word count. I think I can write a very long outline. I might finish writing the outline all at once–

Yesterday I saw a girl saying she didn’t fatten up. I was almost happy and sent out today’s saved manuscript

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*NG (No Good) refers to a bad take or bad recording in broadcasting world

**Originally the sentence is fame follows merit. It’s a chinese idiom to tell fame will always follows those who work hard

PS:

Ke Xinhang condition might be what you call as Penile agenesis

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