It was not often that Suo Yang felt this close to someone. Not in terms of spatial distance but in terms of distance in his heart.
People were probably like this. The more they grew up, the harder it was to accept the advances of others. Their defensiveness would increase with age. When a person approaches, they would subconsciously think about the other party’s intention.
It might seem too utilitarian and too realistic to say this, but this was true. Every adult who had been in society had a lock on their heart.
It was precisely because of this that people always say that after leaving the campus, there would be fewer and fewer sincere friends.
Suo Yang was not the type of person who could easily make friends with others. He was so used to being alone all these years that he had forgotten what it was like to have company. On many stormy days, what he thought about was when the weather would clear up and when was the time to take off; but instead, he thought that the atmosphere was just right at this moment.
The atmosphere was just right for a glass of wine.
Shen Huiming seemed to have seen through his thoughts, or maybe he just happened to have the same thoughts as him.
He asked, “There is red wine in the wine cabinet. Would you like a glass?”
Suo Yang smiled, “Then I’ll have a glass.”
Shen Huiming got up and walked to the wine cabinet.
Suo Yang cleaned up the finished meal boxes in front of him, put all the rubbish in a bag and put it aside, then turned to look at Shen Huiming who was opening the wine.
He walked over, took out the wine glass to wash it, and when he came back, Shen Huiming was already waiting for him.
“This wine is not bad,” Shen Huiming said, “but it needs time to wake up for a while1it means that Shen Huiming is letting the wine be exposed to the air for a while. If it is a young wine, a longer time exposed to air will help open it up to show more complexity and soften the tannins. If it is an older wine, a little time exposed to air will wake it up from its long slumber to revive its liveliness.”
Suo Yang saw that he had poured part of it into the decanter.
“No rush.” Suo Yang put the glass away, “The night is still long anyway.”
While waiting for the wine, the two sat in front of the floor-to-ceiling windows and watched the unsightly night scene outside.
The strong wind was swirling with branches and rain, and the lightning was accompanied by rumbling thunder, which was very similar to the end-time scene in the movie.
Suo Yang said, “This kind of weather is what I fear most.”
When a person was willing to confess his weaknesses to you, it proved that he had begun to accept you.
Shen Huiming asked, “Because of your job?”
“Part of the reason,” Suo Yang’s voice was very soft, but he was not anxious. He just told him a very common thing calmly, “It seems that since high school, evening and windy weather would make me feel horrible.”
“Evening and windy days?”
“Yes, to put it simply, if I am outside at such a time, I will feel anxious and sometimes experience heart palpitations and dizziness.” Suo Yang smiled, “I even went online to find out what this was all about.”
“Did you find out the results?”
Suo Yang laughed out loud, “The internet says it’s called ‘sundowning syndrome’, which is generally a series of emotional and cognitive function changes that occur in Alzheimer’s patients at dusk.”
Shen Huiming didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, “Alzheimer’s disease?”
“Hahaha yes, dementia,” Suo Yang laughed in a relaxed manner, “When I saw this, I immediately closed the webpage.”
Shen Huiming shook his head, “So that’s why when there is any problem, you can’t just check it online. You will just find out that you are terminally ill.”
“So until now, I didn’t know why I am like this.” Suo Yang said, “But now I rarely think about it that much. The bad weather will only make me anxious because the flight is affected.”
Shen Huiming looked out of the window, or rather, he was looking at Suo Yang reflected in the glass window.
He was silent for a while, then said, “I think there is one possible answer.”
Suo Yang looked at him.
Shen Huiming smiled, “But I’m afraid of offending you when I say it.”
“Still worried about that now?” Suo Yang deliberately joked with him, “Why didn’t you consider this issue when you bought the ticket for this flight?”
Shen Huiming lowered his head and smiled.
After a while, Shen Huiming restrained his smile and said seriously, “Maybe it’s because of a lack of security.”
The smile on Suo Yang’s face gradually faded, and he seemed to be looking out in a daze.
“I don’t dare to speculate on your psychology without permission, and I’m not sure if you’re aware of this problem.” Shen Huiming said, “Evening signifies the junction of the day, an ambiguous period of time in which it is easy to give rise to emotions that would not be visible during the day. It was like a hook that hooks day to the night, and in bringing out the night, it also brings out the restlessness and desires of the people along the way.”
Shen Huiming turned to look at Suo Yang, “I don’t know if anyone has told you this, but you’re really very good. We don’t really have a deep friendship, but I can feel that you’re doing your best to do what you like, and I admire you for that alone.”
How should one describe this feeling?
It was like a secret that one didn’t discover, but it was suddenly exposed by others. In an instant, a chill ran down your spine, and your palms were sweaty.
Suo Yang was a proud person, and his pride was not the arrogance of raising his chin and looking down on others but the feeling that he was forged with a bronze wall that could not be violated. He felt that he should be infallible, flawless, and be praised everywhere he went.
In order to maintain this state, he had to take a deep breath at the beginning of each day, and he must be full of energy no matter how tired he was.
But there was a person who was telling him tactfully: Suo Yang, you are not confident.
Pride and confidence were two entirely different things
The crux of Suo Yang’s problem was that he had never been sure of himself. He felt that he was not good enough and that he had to live more attentively to get by.
At the end of every day, he felt that he had not grown at all. He denied himself every day, and at the same time, he had to pretend to put on an arrogant look of superiority. He thought he had played the proud So Yang very well, but he didn’t expect that Shen Huiming would see through him so easily.
As he saw that Suo Yang hadn’t spoken for a long time, Shen Huiming secretly thought it was bad and that he had said too much.
Suo Yang had a strong defensive mentality. If one talked too much, he would lock the door instead.
As for Suo Yang, after what he said, the two of them may go on two extreme paths. One was that Suo Yang opened up his heart to him and treated him as a close friend, and the other was to bid him farewell.
He didn’t know if he was being too smart or too stupid in saying those things.
For a while, he was dumbfounded.
Ever since he met Suo Yang, Shen Huiming felt that every step he took was a gamble.
“The wine is almost ready.” Shen Huiming stood up, “I’m going to pour a glass.”
Suo Yang nodded but did not speak.
When Shen Huiming went to pour the wine, Suo Yang kept looking at the people in the room through the window. He was full of questions, and he couldn’t figure it out at all.
When Shen Huiming returned with the wine glass and handed it to him, Suo Yang asked, “Am I being obvious?”
Shen Huiming was stunned for a moment and smiled, “Not really, although it seems like I’m being unmodest to say so, I believe that there are only a few who can tell.”
He laughed not only because of Suo Yang’s question but because, since the other party asked such a question, it meant that Suo Yang had not rejected him because of this.
This was a good sign.
Suo Yang frowned with a look of disbelief. He really didn’t understand how Shen Huiming had found this out.
They had only met a few times, and they usually had very shallow conversations. Suo Yang has never shown any ‘weakness’ in front of each other.
What was going on?
Suo Yang suddenly felt that Shen Huiming was a scary person, so smart that he wondered if this person had opened his sky eye2a higher sense of knowledge or some people would say the third eye.
“If I say I’m just guessing, does it appear that I’m not sincere?” Shen Huiming sat down again and took a sip of his wine.
“So, it’s not a blind guess.” Suo Yang said, “Can you tell me about it?”
“I’m still very accurate in reading people,” Shen Huiming said with a smile, “Of course, there are times when I miss the mark.”
He held the wine glass in both hands, hesitated for a moment, and said to Suo Yang, “This is how things are in this world. No matter how well you disguise yourself, but when you meet someone who really has his heart set on you, he can see the flaw at a glance.”
Shen Huiming said jokingly, “I don’t mean to be sarcastic about my love rivals.”
Suo Yang also laughed, took a sip of wine and said, “There is no such thing as a love rival.”
“Suo Yang,” Shen Huiming stopped joking and said to him seriously, “Actually, many times, words are the palest in comparison, and the best way to make a person affirm himself is not the praise of others, I believe you don’t lack this at all.”
Suo Yang looked down at the wine in his hand.
Yes, he had never lacked praise.
From childhood to adulthood, whether it was parents, teachers, classmates or friends, even if it was just a passenger that he had the pleasure of having met once, had always praised him.
He didn’t even understand why this was the case. Why was it that he couldn’t identify himself when he should be standing up straight and thinking he felt incredibly good?
This emotion has plagued him for years and even nearly broke him a few times.
“I’ve tried to find the answers before,” Suo Yang said, “I always thought that all diseases have their causes, and I could solve this problem by finding the root of the problem, but strangely enough, I found that I couldn’t find the cause at all.”
He took a sip of wine, “Many people’s character flaws initially come from their family, but in fact, I always think I came from a good family. My parents were respectful of each other; they were strict with me but never hurt me, and I was able to feel their love.”
Shen Huiming sat beside him and listened quietly.
“If it’s not originated from the family, where is it from?” Suo Yang said, “Emotionally? I’m not afraid of you making fun of me. I’ve never formally walked into a relationship, and I think things like relationships are too heavy for me, and I can’t afford it easily. I don’t trust other people or myself, and I don’t believe that perfect love really exists.”
“Actually, perfect love really doesn’t exist.” Shen Huiming smiled, “It hurts the perfectionist.”
Suo Yang shrugged, “Probably.”
“Perfect love isn’t even common in works of art. All love has its uniqueness. But if we have to dwell on ‘perfection’, I think every love is perfect.” Shen Huiming said, “As long as it exists, it is perfect; even if it’s like cracked porcelain, it’s still a work of art. So love is art, and the pursuit of love is the pursuit of art, and you say that art is perfect? It doesn’t matter if it is beautiful art or ugly art, but where it is art, it is perfection. The same goes for people. Everyone is a work of art. In a way, there is no perfect person, but everyone is perfect.”
The author has something to say:
Thanks to the little angels who voted for me or irrigated nutrient solution during 2020-04-30 06:35:03~2020-05-01 06:31:40~
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its really terrifying that suo yang is basically a male version of myself in every single aspect so far
I love their deep talks so much