Category: My Crush Picked Up My Diary (Page 3 of 5)

This fall made Mai Dong feel like bursting into tears.

He felt so wronged. Why did he have to participate in the sports meet when he didn’t want to? Why did he have to be paired up with someone he didn’t like? Why did he have to suffer from wrestling because of someone else’s mistake? His knee began to ache faintly, and soon the pain spread, revealing a seemingly minor abrasion on his leg that felt burning hot.

Several teachers and classmates quickly gathered around, asking in a flurry if he was okay and if he could stand up. Mai Dong silently shook his head, trying to push himself up from the ground. He really wanted to leave this unlucky place immediately and have some time alone.

He got up in a hurry, forgetting that one of his feet was still tied to Yu Qiangqiang’s. Just as he stood up, he was pulled back down to the ground. Things went from bad to worse. Originally, he had fallen wearing pants, but now the pant leg was lifted, exposing the wound directly rubbing against the track, once again smearing dust on his knee.

Mai Dong’s eyes really turned red. He sniffled and watched the PE teacher help the two of them untie the straps from their feet, holding back his tears.

Yu Qiangqiang kept yelling in pain. Mai Dong, at least, was wearing long pants, while Yu Qiangqiang had only shorts that reached his thighs, making his injuries indeed more severe than Mai Dong’s.

Consequently, more attention was directed towards Yu Qiangqiang. The teacher helped Yu Qiangqiang up first and walked him aside. He cried out in misery, “Ouch, ouch, I’m so unlucky. I said I didn’t want to participate in this event, but they insisted. It hurts so much. Teacher, will my leg be useless ah?”

It was at this time that Mai Dong felt that someone was squatting next to him again.

He subconsciously blurted out, “I’m fine, thanks.”

Then, a portable cotton swab appeared in front of him.

Yan Xuming had just finished running the relay race. His face still bore a slight flush from the exertion, and his breathing wasn’t entirely steady. Mai Dong didn’t know why he had noticed the commotion on this side of the fun events area. He only felt that his fall here must have caused inconvenience, occupying the track for others.

“Are you okay? Let me help you.”

Mai Dong stood there dumbfounded, his mind was completely blank for a moment. He didn’t even reach out for the cotton swab. Yan Xuming seemed to think Mai Dong was seriously hurt, and his brow furrowed slightly. He lightly pressed his fingers against Mai Dong’s knee, avoiding the wound but still causing Mai Dong to wince in pain.

Yan Xuming’s tone grew more serious. “Can’t move at all?”

Mai Dong has replayed this scene countless times in his mind, so many times that he began to doubt himself, wondering if time had distorted many details, and if he had fabricated some. But flipping through his diary from that day, Mai Dong indeed found these entries.

October 31, 2020. Sunny

Something different seems to have appeared in my world.

November 1, 2020. Sunny

I flipped through my diary and found just a hastily written sentence from yesterday. There were many things I didn’t understand yesterday, so I didn’t know how to elaborate. My knee still hurts when bending and walking, but it’s just a fall. I don’t think it’s a big issue. Today, my mom still took me to get an X-ray.

On the way, I asked her, ‘What does it mean if you’re curious about someone?’

She smiled and asked if I liked someone. I said no, he’s a guy.

Mom said I’ve reached p***rty, hormones are at play, and I should be feeling different now. It seemed like she breathed a sigh of relief; I think she was worried that one day I’d become a monk. Knowing that I still have human emotions now seemed to really put her at ease.

What is p***rty? Of course, I know there are many synonyms for p***rty: acne, sexual development, rebellion, and puppy love. But aside from these words, it seems like I know nothing about p***rty. Come to think of it, is Yan Xuming, this person my “puberty”?

Ah, writing this out suddenly feels embarrassing. What am I doing, regarding him as my “puberty”? If he knew I was arbitrarily considering him as my “puberty,” he’d probably think I’m a very strange person.

I didn’t like him. He’s a boy, and I’m also a boy. Of course, I wouldn’t like him.

I said this to my mom, but she told me that boys can be together with boys. I was really shocked; this was something I had never known before. It turns out my understanding of love, romance, and sexuality is really low, and my knowledge is severely lacking.

I came back and researched some information, and learned about the concept of “homosexuality” – that boys can be together with boys, and girls can be together with girls. Suddenly, I feel like this world is much more interesting than I imagined.

But I still don’t think I like Yan Xuming.

Even if it’s “love at first sight,” it shouldn’t be that exaggerated, right? Yesterday was the first time we spoke, and it was such an awkward situation for me. But I have to admit, at that moment yesterday, my heart was pounding wildly. Yesterday was just terrible, and Yan Xuming was the only shining presence throughout the entire day.

It’s precisely because of this that I misunderstood my feelings for him. I want to be friends with him, but I’m not good at it. After thinking for a long time when the X-ray came out, I thought, maybe I could just consider him as a friend on my side. I wouldn’t actually need to get to know him, but instead secretly observe him, deceiving myself into thinking I had such a powerful friend.

Ah… I’m so dumb. Mai Dong, what strange things am I saying? I really seem like a pervert.

What kind of person is Yan Xuming? I’m filled with curiosity about him, so much so that I even start to understand those couples who spend time together even skipping dinner. If this time is used to understand Yan Xuming, then I’m willing.

The diary entry for this day is particularly long, written messily with disjointed thoughts. It was evident that when Mai Dong wrote these things, he was truly conflicted and at a loss, not knowing how to deal with his own changes.

For those few days, he kept dreaming. In his dreams, there were flashbacks of Yan Xuming squatting beside him, extending two fingers to press on his wound, asking him seriously and with concern if he could move, and then, without hesitation, grabbing his wrist and leading him to the side.

Mai Dong tirelessly replayed this dream over and over again. Upon waking up, he would blankly lift the covers, shocked by his physiological changes. Then, he hastily covered himself again. He quickly grabbed the political science book from the bedside, flipped through pages to study, and recited for over ten minutes before daring to check if his body had calmed down.

He began to pay attention to Yan Xuming, which was vastly different from before.

In the past, Mai Dong would also pay attention to Yan Xuming, focusing on what competitions he participated in, what results he achieved; what score he got in the mock exam, and his ranking in the district; on what essays the teacher gave Yan Xuming, whether in Chinese or English.

Now, Mai Dong still pays attention to Yan Xuming, secretly observing which floor he prefers to eat on in the cafeteria, which window he likes, whether he prefers regular meals or spicy noodles; secretly watching to see if he goes to the supermarket after eating at the cafeteria to buy snacks, what kind of drinks he prefers, or if he only drinks mineral water; secretly checking if their PE classes coincide, and if lucky enough, he would spend the entire PE class sitting by the basketball court watching Yan Xuming play basketball.

All these observations accumulate his understanding of Yan Xuming’s preferences through these clandestine activities.

Most of the time, Yan Xuming would opt for set meals, choosing rice over steamed buns. The renowned dish of mixed rice and scrambled eggs with tomatoes rarely found its way onto Yan Xuming’s plate, leading Mai Dong to believe that he didn’t like tomatoes.

Sometimes, after leaving the cafeteria, Yan Xuming would go to the store to buy sparkling water. His taste was very consistent, always purchasing one brand of sparkling water, either in mandarin orange flavor or blueberry flavor.

After this continued for half a month, Mai Dong found himself compelled to open his diary.

November 16, 2020. Windy

Is this like? I don’t know what exactly constitutes liking, but today, as usual during dinner, our homeroom teacher reminded everyone not to engage in puppy love. I felt so guilty as if someone had exposed my secret feelings.

In just a few lines, Mai Dong completely opened up his belated chapter on p***rty.

In fact, Mai Dong couldn’t articulate what significance Yan Xuming had in his life.

For a long time, Mai Dong had been studying the matter of social interaction in his own diary. Especially in the period before the sports meeting in the second year of high school, Mai Dong’s diary, for the first time, resembled the typical concerns of an adolescent, filled with frustration and distress.

Turning to any random page, the contents were like this:

On a certain year, a certain month, and a certain day, the weather was…

The head teacher caught some students in their puppy love during mealtime on the field, and it seemed like there was quite a harvest today. During the evening self-study session, the head teacher talked a lot in the class about puppy love. There seem to be some in our class; I’m not entirely sure. I always don’t care, not even sure if I genuinely don’t care or… just pretend not to care.

Because I haven’t even figured out how to make friends, dating seems even more distant and elusive for me. I really don’t understand.

What kind of emotion makes a person think about another person every day? Even during the half-hour lunch break, it seems like they don’t eat, utilizing every moment to be together on the field for that half-hour. I absolutely cannot do that. It seems like I’m naturally emotionally indifferent. I’m unwilling to sacrifice my personality and time for someone else.

So, it seems like I’m not suited for making friends. Loneliness is a challenging emotion to overcome, but it’s just an emotion. I can’t fathom this species called humanity; I can’t even understand myself. Perhaps it’s better not to make any changes too easily.

On a certain year, a certain month, and a certain day, the weather was…

Today, I’m feeling a bit annoyed because the teacher was unhappy that I didn’t participate in the sports meeting in the first year and gave some cliché speeches about how the sports meeting is an essential occasion to showcase class cohesion. I was forced to sign up for a competitive event. As if being forced to participate wasn’t enough, I ended up being paired with my deskmate for the two-person three-legged race.

Ah, ah, ah! I really don’t want to do this. It’s one thing to play the two-person three-legged race in a kindergarten parent-child sports event, but why is there still such an event in high school? And to make matters worse, I have to do it with my deskmate. We haven’t spoken in weeks, and it’s going to be so awkward T T.

Not only was it awkward, but was also a bit frustrating.

I can’t quite describe this feeling, as if I’m being forced to act like a sociable human, something I’m not good at. My mom told me that as long as I can overcome loneliness, she supports me in doing anything I want and becoming anyone I want to be. But now, being forced to team up with someone I don’t like for a certain activity, I suddenly realize I can’t overcome loneliness.

I really wish there was someone in my life with whom I could talk, someone who could accompany me and understand me. For now, my diary is my best friend; I can tell it everything.

On a certain year, a certain month, and a certain day, the weather was…

As the sports meet draws near, I seem to be experiencing a feeling similar to “anxiety.” These days, I keep telling myself that it’s okay; it’s definitely not a big deal. Indeed, it’s just participating in a sport with someone I don’t like. The round trip is only a hundred meters combined, and it will be over quickly. Besides, the dislike for this person isn’t to the point of hatred; we even sit together peacefully every day now, right?

But deep down, I feel quite unsettled. It’s the first time I’ve resisted something like this, and I can’t pinpoint the reason. I pondered it during dinner for a long time. Perhaps it’s because I really don’t want to be alone anymore. Loneliness has caused me a kind of mental harm, making me less rational and less calm.

But it’s okay; I’m actually quite used to being alone. After participating in this sports meet, I should be able to calm down. The recent academic workload is also heavy. If it weren’t for this unexpected sports meet, I probably wouldn’t have the mental space to think about these things.

Mai Dong, “jiayou!¹Lit. Add oil/Refuel. Fig. To cheer somebody on.

Mai Dong indeed rarely reflects on the past, he’s not good at doing that.

For Mai Dong, the clearest memory of the past is the sports meet in the second year of high school. From the moment he woke up in the morning until he went to sleep at night, to this day, every minute, every second, every frame, and every scene–Mai Dong can recall them all vividly.

It was already autumn then, towards the end of October.

Last night, Mai Dong didn’t sleep well. He dreamt of being entangled in various awkward situations with his deskmate during the two-person three-legged race. Both of them kept falling, and his deskmate blamed him for slowing them down. Standing on the field, his deskmate scolded him harshly. He woke up in the morning with a stomach full of frustration, Mai Dong had no appetite and wore a gloomy expression. The nanny auntie handed him half a soybean cake, which he reluctantly ate on his way to school.

Mai Dong was the only one feeling low-spirited; the other students were excited about the sports meet. The sports committee member continued with roll call, naming those running the 800 meters, doing the long jump, and participating in the relay. The clamor of excited voices filled Mai Dong’s ears, as he lay his head on the desk, waiting for the sports committee member to call out the names for the stupid two-person three-legged race.

“This time, our class has signed up for two fun events: the two-person three-legged race and the hula hoop. As you all know, these are just for fun. Although they are ranked, they won’t be counted in the total scores of the sports meet. It’s more about participation for you guys. Now, for the two-person three-legged race, we have Mai Dong and Yu Qiangqiang.”

Mai Dong finally heard his name. He didn’t respond verbally; instead, he sat at his desk and raised his hand. However, due to the noisy atmosphere in the class, amidst all the commotion, the sports committee member didn’t immediately notice Mai Dong raising his hand. He raised his voice again, “Alright, alright, Yu Qiangqiang, is your deskmate here? And where’s Mai Dong?”

Mai Dong had no choice but to stand up and shout, “Here.”

Mai Dong was genuinely annoyed. He rarely experienced such strong personal negative emotions, and it was the first time he had to deal with them, lacking the experience. Holding a vocabulary book, he arrived at the field. The unaccommodating Mai Dong sat in a corner above the class seats, feeling out of place among the cheering and jubilant classmates.

He made a considerable effort to block out the noise, focusing on memorizing vocabulary words as a way to force himself to stay calm.

He still remembered the few words he was memorizing quite clearly because he hadn’t been doing it for too long. As he casually glanced down, he saw Yan Xuming entering the field with a friend.

It was a truly mystical moment.

Despite it being early autumn, many boys were wearing short sleeves for the sports meet. Yan Xuming was dressed in all white that day—white sports pants and a white sleeveless tank top. It was as if, by a twist of fate, their eyes happened to meet with so much space on the playground and amidst the crowd.

It was like a silent snowfall settling in Mai Dong’s heart, and he suddenly calmed down. The surrounding voices grew distant, and that one glance, though from a distance, made Mai Dong wonder if it was just his imagination.

His eyes followed Yan Xuming’s entrance, all the way until Yan Xuming took a seat in their class.

Mai Dong’s heart raced, and he remained in a daze for a while before hurriedly lowering his head. “Tendency,²English in the raw.tendency, trend; tendency… tendency, what does it mean again?” Unable to resist, he stole another glance at Yan Xuming, who was sitting and playing on his phone, his expression unclear. A girl offered him a piece of chocolate. Initially, Yan Xuming refused, but after some words from the girl, he accepted it.

He took several deep breaths, but he still couldn’t memorize the words.

As he listened to the announcements from the platform, it seemed that Yan Xuming had signed up for two events, a one-kilometer run and a relay race. He waited anxiously, finally spotting Yan Xuming running past their class. Like a gust of wind, he rushed by, and inexplicably, the girls in the class cheered for him, as if Yan Xuming belonged to their class.

Mai Dong found himself unconsciously clenching his fists, getting caught up in the tension. It felt like what he was witnessing wasn’t just an ordinary high school sports meet but something akin to the Olympic Games.

Unfortunately, Yan Xuming wasn’t the first to cross the finish line. Mai Dong overheard the girls in the front row expressing regret, mentioning that the first-place winner was an athlete and was bound to take the top spot.

As he listened, Mai Dong kept his eyes fixed on the finish line. The male student who secured the first place tossed a water bottle to Yan Xuming, and they exchanged fist bumps while walking forward, sipping water.

At that moment, Mai Dong didn’t fully grasp the situation. His mind sluggishly processed the information, and he found himself envying Yan Xuming.

Yan Xuming always had many friends around him. Not only that, his grades were better than his own, and he always participated in numerous competitions. Mai Dong hadn’t even realized that he had thought about Yan Xuming in such detail, gaining a surprising amount of insight into Yan Xuming’s personality.

Mai Dong felt a bit defeated, reflecting on whether he should engage in more physical activities to avoid being so unskilled in events like the sports meet. He could only participate in the fun event of the two-person three-legged race. It’s not that he thought the two-person three-legged race was embarrassing; deep down, he was dissatisfied with his current situation.

The announcer on the podium mentioned the three-legged race, prompting Mai Dong to close his notebook. He wanted to go with his deskmate Yu Qiangqiang to prepare, but after searching for a while, a classmate informed him that Yu Qiangqiang had already left to get ready at the venue. The vivid dream from last night was still fresh in Mai Dong’s mind, making him a bit nervous.

As he secured the straps, Yu Qiangqiang continued to complain, “So annoying! Why do I have to participate in this event? It’s so embarrassing.”

“Hey, Mai Dong, don’t drag me down later ah. Although I’m fat, I do play basketball occasionally. I’ve seen you hardly move; I doubt you have any athletic ability.”

“You’re still not hoping to compete for first place in this event, right? Let me tell you, as long as we don’t end up wrestling on the ground, that’s a win for us. Don’t even think about rankings. Even if we miraculously get first place, it won’t count towards the overall score. Don’t embarrass me.”

Mai Dong felt annoyed; Yu Qiangqiang kept complaining. Even though he didn’t say anything too harsh, the complaints weren’t directed at himself.

Mai Dong quietly retorted, “I know, I never wanted to compete for the rankings.”

Yu Qiangqiang’s attitude was still reasonable, “Oh, that’s good then. Let’s just finish the race steadily.”

When the starting gun went off, the participants at the starting line stumbled and staggered. In reality, this fun event wasn’t that challenging, considering it involved only two people. It was a matter of shouting slogans to coordinate left and right feet. Mai Dong did his best to cooperate, but after about seven or eight steps, his head was already covered in sweat.

Yu Qiangqiang’s rhythm was all over the place, complaining as they ran. In the end, he stumbled badly, producing a loud “clang” as both of them fell hard to the ground together.

Mai Dong was a child whose family of origin was healthy and happy.

Contrary to the typical family setup where parents are often busy with work and lack time to accompany their children as they grow up, Mai Dong’s parents made every effort to be there for him throughout his childhood, never missing any significant events.

Of course, all these moments unfolded during Mai Dong’s time in kindergarten and elementary school.

During Mai Dong’s first kindergarten family sports day, the entire family was dispatched in full force. His parents accompanied little Mai Dong, skillfully navigating through the sports events, while his grandparents cheered loudly from the audience. After the sports day concluded, Mai Dong was so excited that his cheeks flushed red. The whole family then went to KFC to celebrate.

As a result, when he first glimpsed the world, he felt bewildered. Growing up in such happiness, and being so young, he thought everyone in the world lived without financial difficulties. He believed every child had loving parents, and everyone treated others kindly out of pure affection and a desire to be close.

It took Mai Dong a long time to observe and understand the world during his elementary school days.

At that time, due to his academic achievements, Mai Dong became the class monitor and helped the teacher with various tasks.

The first memorable experience for him was with a girl in the class who had average grades. It was always a challenge to collect her assignments, as she would come up with various excuses, either forgetting to bring her workbook home or to school, or claiming she felt unwell the previous night.

Repeatedly, Mai Dong reported the situation to the class teacher, but the teacher advised him not to pay too much attention in the future.

It was later revealed to Mai Dong that the girl’s father had cheated on her mother and left the family. Her mother was bedridden, and every day after school, she had to go home to cook for her mother, help her turn in bed, and wash her, leaving her with little time to complete her homework.

During that time, he frequently observed the girl.

While other classmates were typically picked up and dropped off by their parents, she would sprint to school alone every time, often arriving late in inclement weather. She wasn’t very fond of talking to others, and she never went to the cafeteria for lunch.

One day, during lunch break, Mai Dong noticed her sitting at her desk, eating the cheapest, old-fashioned type of bread when he brought his own packed lunch.

Mai Dong agonized for many days. During that time, he learned about the concept of pride. After considering various approaches, he decided to invite the girl to lunch one day. The night before, he specifically instructed the family’s nanny to prepare a meal for two. On the following day at lunch, he deliberately skipped the cafeteria and, as expected, found the girl nibbling on bread.

Mai Dong’s excuse was that he accidentally brought the wrong lunchbox, containing his dad’s meal, which was too much for him alone. The girl stared blankly for a while, her eyes turning red, and uttered two firm words, “No need.”

Feeling somewhat lost, Mai Dong thought he had done his best to preserve her sense of pride.

The girl reacted like a cat whose tail had been stepped on, saying, “You’ve been secretly watching me these past few days. I know you deliberately offered me food, but I’m not pitiful enough to need someone else’s charity.”

Mai Dong felt deeply saddened; he didn’t understand what he had done wrong.

However, Mai Dong didn’t blame the girl. He only felt that he still hadn’t mastered the right approach.

There was another boy in the class with some disabilities, walking with a noticeable limp. It was said that he had a serious illness in childhood that wasn’t treated promptly. He had consecutive high fevers, and his family initially thought it was just a common cold. Unfortunately, it developed into a lasting condition.

Not only did he have physical disabilities, but his academic performance was also poor. People speculated that the fevers had damaged his brain. Classmates nicknamed him “idiot,” teasing him and often snatching his belongings. A few of them would pass his things around, laughing as they watched him hobble between them. As the class monitor, Mai Dong intervened several times, disrupting the thieving boys and making them lose interest, causing them to scatter the items on the ground.

The boy whispered a “thank you” to Mai Dong. He quietly picked up his belongings, and without a glance at Mai Dong, he added, “Class monitor, please don’t help me anymore. The more people help me, the more they’ll bully me.”

Mai Dong reported this incident, which could be defined as “school bullying,” to the class teacher. The teacher was furious and punished the boys who bullied the student, making each of them write a self-reflection. Mai Dong found the punishment perplexing, lifted high, and dropped lightly.

The study committee member secretly told Mai Dong that one of the students was the relative of the class teacher, and many people were unaware of this. It seemed the class teacher wouldn’t actually punish them.

Sure enough, after this punishment, those few individuals intensified their harassment towards male students. Mai Dong stood on the sidelines, feeling a helpless sadness inside. He couldn’t shake the feeling that he might have truly done something wrong.

Later on, Mai Dong would sometimes feel like a cold and indifferent person.

Occasionally, he reflected on himself, realizing that there were so many people in the world facing hardships. Despite having a happy family, outstanding grades, and more pocket money than he could spend, he didn’t feel a strong desire to reach out and rescue them.

At a young age, Mai Dong already perceived a certain pitiable inertia within the human collective. They were accustomed to indulging in suffering, finding happiness and pleasure in comparing themselves with those less fortunate and habitually trampling on the underprivileged to satisfy their inner vanity.

Later, Mai Dong had a heart-to-heart talk with his mom, triggered by his refusal to accept the class teacher’s invitation to become the class monitor in middle school. Gazing coldly at the class teacher, Mai Dong stated that it would hinder his studies, he didn’t want to do tasks for the teacher, help classmates, or take on that role.

The class teacher approached Mai Dong’s mother, inquiring whether there were some personality issues with Mai Dong.

Mai Dong responded to his mother, “What do I gain from being the class monitor? The teacher’s favor, the admiration of classmates, or perhaps your and Dad’s pride. However, I don’t need the first two, and as for the latter, I know you and Dad won’t be upset with me for not being the class monitor. What do I lose? I have to do tasks for the teacher, help classmates with their difficulties and troubles, deal with a lot of trivial matters, and may not get good results. I’m not willing to do that. Mom, is sacrificing my time and energy to help others the right thing to do? Is it wrong not to want to help others?”

At that time, the two were on the rooftop of their home, during the first week of Mai Dong’s first year of middle school. It was still in the height of summer, under a sky full of stars. His mother gently encircled Mai Dong’s half-body with her right arm and asked, “Can you tell me why you don’t want to help others?”

Mai Dong said, “You love helping others. When the teacher in kindergarten begged you to save her mom, but in her eyes, it was just a big favor she owed you, and she had to pay it back through me. That’s why she has always been good to me. I used to be so naive, thinking everyone was as happy as I was. Later, I realized that people just hide their unhappiness and don’t show it to others. I can’t help everyone.”

It seemed like Mom took some time to digest Mai Dong’s words. Although his expression and choice of words appeared naive and childish, the underlying wisdom was a topic even adults were still researching. After a while, Mom spoke, “So, you actually want to help everyone but worry about not being fair, about situations where you help this person but that person, right?”

Mai Dong frowned in thought for a moment, then nodded, “Yeah, maybe. That’s why I just don’t want to help anyone at all.”

Mom chuckled, “So, our Xiao Mai is actually a kind and good child at heart. That’s enough.”

Mai Dong was still too young to fully grasp it, “How can I be considered kind like this? I sometimes feel like I’m really selfish.”

Mom shook her head, “Because it’s Mom who’s the selfish one. Mom wants you to be happy, and no matter what method you use, as long as it makes you happy, Mom will support you. In some aspects, you’re right. There are always many people in the world who need help. If your wish is for everyone in the world to be happy, you’ll probably end up exhausted. On the other hand, if your wish is to be alone, you’ll likely be happy.”

Mai Dong didn’t fully understand, prompting Mom to ask another question, “Do you ever feel lonely? I’ve never heard you mention having any close friends.”

Mai Dong nodded matter-of-factly, “Yes, I do. But I don’t know how to make friends with others. I’m afraid they’ll have expectations of me. Mom, if others have expectations of me, I won’t be able to be myself.”

Mom looked at him seriously, “So, for the current Mai Dong, what’s more important? Being true to yourself or having friends?”

Mai Dong thought for a moment, “I want to be true to myself.”

Mai Dong succeeded in being true to himself, but as he grew older, the question his mom had asked grew sharper. The older one gets, the more one needs friends, yet Mai Dong has none.

In his first year of high school, Mai Dong once made a silent resolution to become good friends with his deskmate.

Whenever his deskmate needed to copy homework, Mai Dong let him. When his deskmate felt too lazy to go to the cafeteria, Mai Dong brought food for him. Just as Mai Dong had anticipated, his deskmate developed many expectations of him. He always wanted to copy Mai Dong’s homework, and he avoided the cafeteria every day. These expectations made Mai Dong feel suffocated.

After bottling it up for a few days, Mai Dong stopped letting his deskmate copy his homework and refused to bring him food. The deskmate became angry and there were several days of loud arguments, attracting the attention of the class teacher who inquired about the conflict between the two.

Mai Dong was distressed about interpersonal relationships and the complexity of the human community. Just when he thought he would never be able to understand this issue throughout his life, Yan Xuming thoroughly appeared in his life.

The meal was very strange, and Mai Dong felt sweetness and grievance in his heart.

What does the trial period mean? He tried to console himself. Yan Xuming had taken the initiative to confess to him. Perhaps, his hesitation had led him to suggest this peculiar trial period arrangement. This, however, didn’t necessarily mean that Yan Xuming didn’t like him enough.

Yet, no matter how he reassured himself, Mai Dong couldn’t shake off the uncertainty. He couldn’t help but wonder, is Yan Xuming really his boyfriend during this trial period?

Can they still hold hands? Can they still embrace each other? Can they still kiss, just like they did a moment ago?

Although Mai Dong was tortured by the recent kiss, he had to admit that he enjoyed it. It’s just that he lacked experience and hadn’t yet learned how to respond actively.

After finishing their meal, Mai Dong held the roses, but Yan Xuming didn’t hold his hand.

Feeling somewhat aggrieved, Mai Dong kept trying to walk beside Yan Xuming. However, carrying the flowers made it inconvenient, and Yan Xuming’s legs were much longer than his own. Despite Yan Xuming’s efforts to slow down for him, Mai Dong inevitably fell behind a bit in the distance.

He chased after him all the way, feeling quite upset. Finally, at a traffic light, he spoke in a voice like a mosquito, “Yan Xuming, would you mind holding my hand for a moment?”

Yan Xuming didn’t hear.

In the end, what kind of ears does he have!

Mai Dong complained loudly in his mind, though he understood it wasn’t Yan Xuming’s fault. The intersection was bustling with traffic, motorcycles even used the pedestrian walkway with their horns blaring. He dared not speak loudly, initially afraid Yan Xuming might actually hear him.

Not hearing him as he hoped, Mai Dong felt unwilling to give up. He gently tugged at Yan Xuming’s clothes with his right hand, raising his voice a bit, “Senior, would you mind holding my hand for a moment?”

The next moment, his hand was grasped by a slightly warm palm. In an instant, Mai Dong’s eyes reddened again. He couldn’t help but curse this absurd trial period. He knew it was all his fault. It started as a perfect confession, and all he had to do was agree to a joyful relationship with Yan Xuming. However, his overthinking and hesitation led to Yan Xuming misunderstanding whether he wanted to be with him or not.

He really wanted to explain to Yan Xuming that his hesitation wasn’t directed at Yan Xuming or their relationship; it was just triggered by some sad memories. He desperately wanted to convey to Yan Xuming that he didn’t need a trial period and would never regret it. All he wanted was to hug, hold hands, and kiss Yan Xuming right now.

Yan Xuming held his hand, just like the first two times they crossed the street.

This left Mai Dong feeling quite dissatisfied. Even though things were different now, they both looked like they were attending a royal banquet today. He held a vibrant bunch of roses, and despite being a couple during the trial, they were, in fact, a couple.

Mai Dong walked absentmindedly and was suddenly jerked back. When he looked up, he realized he had been standing in the path of an electric scooter that had just passed by. The owner seemed to have hurriedly maneuvered through because the green light was about to end. Mai Dong didn’t think much of it, but Yan Xuming frowned, his eyes fixed on Mai Dong. “Did you get hit?”

Mai Dong shook his head, “No.”

Yan Xuming then held his hand tighter.

Mai Dong even felt a bit of pain, and he spoke up, “Yan Xuming, I don’t want a trial period.”

Yan Xuming gave a low “hmm” and asked, “Why?”

Mai Dong spoke in a hushed tone, pouring out his feelings, “I don’t know what the trial period means in a relationship, but it implies that I might lose points with you. I’m afraid I won’t be able to make it permanent.”

Yan Xuming patiently corrected him, “Mai Dong, this trial period is for you to deduct points from me.”

Mai Dong blinked, “Huh?”

It was nearing December with Christmas just around the corner. This holiday was becoming increasingly popular among young people. By the end of November, major shopping malls had already set up massive Christmas trees. As the two walked through the small pedestrian street near the school entrance, they noticed a Christmas tree erected in the center of the square, though they couldn’t tell when it had been set up.

Many students came to take photos, forming a crowd and capturing the festive atmosphere.

Yan Xuming continued to hold Mai Dong’s hand as they entered the school grounds, where more people recognized Yan Xuming. However, he didn’t avoid the attention or keep a distance from Mai Dong. He still tightly held onto his trial boyfriend, who was cradling the romantic bouquet from the confession.

Yan Xuming explained to him, “Although I haven’t finished reading the diary, I’ve skipped through a lot. The image you’ve portrayed of me is a bit distorted. I’m not as good as you think.”

Mai Dong shook his head, “No, you’re really good.”

Yan Xuming spoke casually, “Then, can you list three of my flaws?”

Mai Dong furrowed his brow, wracking his brain. He hadn’t fully adjusted to the shift in their relationship, and these words sounded somewhat harsh to him. How could someone force you to list three flaws of the person you’ve liked for four years? He thought over and over again, wondering how Yan Xuming could have any flaws.

Yan Xuming then chuckled, “Can’t come up with any?”

Mai Dong nodded, “En, you don’t have any flaws.”

Yan Xuming then asked, “Are there perfect people in the world?”

Mai Dong felt he was being unreasonable, “I know there aren’t, but in my eyes, you have no flaws. Even if you did, I wouldn’t mind. Does having flaws mean you can’t like someone anymore? Then no one in the world would be liked, and I wouldn’t be liked either.”

Yan Xuming was somewhat at a loss for words. Only now did he understand why Mai Dong would participate in debate competitions. Indeed, he possessed a certain kind of temperament.

Mai Dong was well-suited for arguing with people. When dealing with strangers, he didn’t show many expressions on his face–To put it nicely, he could be described as glowering or, to put it badly, having a stern expression. When expressing his own opinions, there was a kind of condescending demeanor that made it difficult for others to easily argue back.

Yan Xuming believed that Mai Dong wasn’t doing it intentionally; he guessed that it might be the influence of Mai Dong’s status as a xueshen.

Mai Dong felt that he made a reasonable point, wasn’t it true?

There’s a saying, “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder,” and the meaning is probably similar. Of course, these easily overlooked flaws shouldn’t cross certain boundaries. Apart from those, all other flaws can be downplayed, and couples in the honeymoon phase excel at this.

He defended himself, “M… My hesitation wasn’t because of you. I just remembered some things from my childhood. And, when you said you liked me, I couldn’t believe it all at once.”

The night breeze was a bit chilly, but it wasn’t too cold when it blew on them. However, Mai Dong’s hands were exposed and a bit cold. Yan Xuming grabbed Mai Dong’s hand and tucked it into his own coat pocket. They strolled around the campus, with Mai Dong persistently holding onto his bouquet of roses. Yan Xuming suggested putting it aside for now, but Mai Dong refused.

“Back then, I actually wanted to get to know you. After you read my speech, I didn’t say hello that day because I thought there would be plenty of opportunities in the future. After all, there are many school activities, competitions, and chances for us to meet. I never thought we wouldn’t run into each other even once.”

As Yan Xuming reminisced, his voice became gentle and slow, as if recalling the past version of Mai Dong from high school. Back then, Mai Dong was even shorter than now, slender, always solitary with an expressionless face, resembling a cold-blooded assassin.

Mai Dong was also forced to recall the past.

Mai Dong rarely delved into his own past, perhaps one of the reasons he had developed the habit of writing in a diary.

He felt that he couldn’t remember so much from the past, and he didn’t want to expend energy creating a specific space in the memory palace reserved for storing every detail of his life from childhood to the present. Instead, he chose to write down everything each day–Be it a mere log or mundane daily life.

And indeed, Mai Dong’s life was rather uneventful. He consistently ranked first in his class, had a happy family with rarely any arguments between his parents, and lacked friends enthusiastic about the typical youthful escapades like going crazy in the rain. He even refrained from participating in extracurricular activities. He couldn’t find a specific time when he won some award to mark a milestone in his life.

Every day consisted of going to school, studying at school, studying at home, and then sleeping.

That’s why his recollections were vague.

“Do you know? There was a time when rumors about your family background were circulating widely at school. During the first parent-teacher meeting in our freshman year, your grandfather attended. People heard he was dressed in tattered clothes, his hands were dirty, and there was paint or something similar on his clothes. Everyone thought your family was very poor, your parents were absent, and your education was solely supported by your grandfather picking up trash.” Yan Xuming spoke of this with a hint of amusement, even he believed it during that time.

Mai Dong looked quite embarrassed; he genuinely had no knowledge of this. He never paid attention to the school’s gossip. However, when Yan Xuming mentioned a specific time, Mai Dong did recall something.

Ah… no wonder. No wonder in the second semester of his freshman year, he always felt people treating him differently. This difference manifested in people constantly offering him food. At first, Mai Dong would refuse, but the more he declined, the more people desperately insisted on giving him food, their attitude becoming increasingly determined. They insisted that he accept.

It turned out that people misunderstood that he couldn’t afford to eat…

Mai Dong awkwardly explained, “My parents were indeed very busy at that time la, and my grandfather was probably working on some sculpture or something, which made him look dirty. He didn’t care about that stuff and didn’t bother cleaning up before coming.”

Yan Xuming suppressed a laugh, “En, when you mentioned that your grandfather was an artist, I thought of something. So, it was such a big misunderstanding. During that time, every morning when I bought breakfast, I would think of you, wondering if the poor little kid came to school hungry today.”

Mai Dong had a crush on Yan Xuming for four years, and not even in his dreams did he imagine that one day Yan Xuming would confess his feelings to him. Just as Li Shengnan remarked, Mai Dong couldn’t help but wonder if this was a blessing from the heavens.

Yan Xuming displayed an incredible amount of patience. After expressing his feelings, he gently looked at Mai Dong, waiting for him to process and accept the confession. Yan Xuming always had this considerate demeanor, giving off the impression that he could handle anything in the world. However, for reasons unknown to Mai Dong, he hesitated and didn’t say “yes.”

This was undoubtedly a joyous occasion for Mai Dong. He finally received the confession he had been anticipating all afternoon, holding a large bouquet of roses given by his crush. It seemed that the only thing left for him to do now was utter a single word—”yes.” With that, the four-year-long secret crush would come to a satisfying conclusion, opening the door to a new chapter.

However, for Mai Dong, that single word suddenly became heavy and difficult to utter.

He was even a little afraid.

This fear stemmed from an inexplicable pessimism. Despite the smooth progress, what kind of outcome would this new beginning lead to? Mai Dong’s eyes reddened, hastily raising a hand to wipe away a tear, thinking that perhaps brushing away the first drop would be enough.

Without truly beginning to possess, Mai Dong had already started worrying about losing it, as if anticipating the worst before it even unfolded.

In his perspective, faced with the choice between “never getting close to Yan Xuming” and “having Yan Xuming and then losing him,” he would definitely choose the former. This way, the heartbreak and yearning would be less intense. This thought didn’t arise from Mai Dong’s lack of trust in Yan Xuming but rather from his lack of confidence in himself.

Perhaps Mai Dong should admit to himself that he did harbor some insecurities, not just when facing Yan Xuming.

Mai Dong has been keeping records very early, His brain seemed to be exceptionally functional from a very young age. He remembers that in kindergarten, the teacher favored him the most, and the other kids in the class liked him too because he always had the latest toys and the most interesting comic books, generously sharing them with others.

Back then, Mai Dong could be described as a social butterfly, enjoying engaging in various activities.

Helping girls tie their hair, participating in the kindergarten paper-cutting competition, and actively raising his hand to invite children from the neighboring class to play games.

One day during a game class, Little Mai Dong ran back to the classroom to fetch his water bottle and overheard the teacher talking to someone.

“Ai, taking care of kids every day is really exhausting. Each one wants to be served like they’re ancestors. Sometimes, I feel like I’m their nanny… But no ah, I must serve them well. My mom’s health wasn’t great before, right? I went all out and asked Little Mai Dong’s mom in our class for help. She’s a surgical genius. She saved my mom. I have to take good care of her son, no matter what.”

Actually, at that time, Little Mai Dong couldn’t fully understand the meaning of the teacher’s words. However, children are most sensitive to tones, and Mai Dong knew that the teacher didn’t genuinely like him; rather, she felt compelled to like him.

Since then, Mai Dong began trying not to bring his toys and comic books to school, refraining from sharing snacks and toys with other kids. As expected, many people stopped playing with him.

In hindsight, when he grew up, Mai Dong reflected on the past and realized he was overly sensitive at that time.

Although what the kindergarten teacher said completely went against professional ethics, understanding it from a logical perspective made sense. It was similar to how he didn’t have any interest in translating for the international debate team, but he had his own purposes. This didn’t mean he disliked everyone on the debate team.

However, at that age, the thoughts of young children were too simple. They played with whoever was fun, and most didn’t delve into feelings of “liking” or “disliking” to such a profound extent.

Nevertheless, these incidents inevitably had a significant impact on Mai Dong. For a long time, he believed that excellence and popularity belonged to someone else, not himself, but to the generic “Mai Dong,” and there were many Mai Dongs in the world.

He was unwilling to stand in the public eye and detested socializing. Perhaps he knew he had a small anxiety, but he considered it inconsequential. This way of life spared him a lot of trouble.

Mai Dong no longer expected others to like him, and he didn’t need to expend energy differentiating between them. Over time, he even forgot about this small anxiety within himself.

Yan Xuming’s confession successfully stirred up Mai Dong’s long-buried ailment.

Mai Dong made a concerted effort to control his emotions, but for a moment, he still wondered, ‘Yan Xuming said he likes me. Of course, I believe him, but how long will he like me?’ His eyes were red, and the orange roses in his arms were a pale shade of yellowish-orange. The fresh-cut flowers emitted a sweet floral fragrance, filling his nostrils with the scent of love.

Mai Dong didn’t want to be someone who was overcautious and indecisive, and he really wanted to say yes without reservation.

Because even if they were to break up tomorrow, today he wanted to be Yan Xuming’s boyfriend. Yes, Mai Dong’s current thoughts contradicted his earlier ones.

Just a moment ago, he felt that it might be better not to have approached at all rather than experience the pain of having and then losing. Perhaps he was a Mai Dong who was fickle, indecisive, and unsure of his own feelings.

Yan Xuming stood up.

He rose from his seat, walked over to Mai Dong, and first bent down to tightly take the bouquet of flowers that Mai Dong was holding in his arms. Placing it on the empty space of the sofa, Yan Xuming exerted a bit of strength because Mai Dong was holding on tightly. He then gently held Mai Dong’s wrist. “Come with me to the bathroom, okay?”

Mai Dong was very much at the mercy of others, Yan Xuming held him and he naturally followed.

The restroom of a high-class Western restaurant was indeed quite different. The fragrance that greeted them upon entering seemed even more delightful than the floral scent that had filled Mai Dong’s nostrils earlier. Everywhere was spotlessly clean, the tiles were polished to almost reflect light, and there was not a hint of any unpleasant restroom odor.

The two of them didn’t enter a cubicle but stood by the spacious sink area outside. Yan Xuming had Mai Dong lean against the wall, and without hesitation, he used two fingers to gently lift Mai Dong’s chin and then leaned in, kissing away the tears at the corner of Mai Dong’s eyes.

It was as if he sighed, “Don’t cry, Mai Dong. When you cry that much, I feel like kissing you.”

Mai Dong’s eyes darted nervously. “People might see us here.”

Yan Xuming responded with a thoughtful ‘en.’ “Let them see. Why are you crying? I thought you’d be happy.”

Mai Dong shook his head. He cautiously reached out, encircling Yan Xuming’s waist, feeling the embrace genuinely coming from Yan Xuming. Emotions overwhelmed him, a mixture of happiness and worry. With a slight quiver in his voice, he said, “I’m very happy, really.”

Yan Xuming asked him, “Are you not satisfied with my confession? Do you want to reject me?”

Mai Dong shook his head as fast as he could, “Of course not.”

Yan Xuming chuckled, “Oh, then will you say yes to me?”

Mai Dong nodded and said, “Yes.”

Mai Dong wanted to set aside his jumbled thoughts for now. He could ponder over them later in the dormitory, write them down in his diary, and analyze them word by word. He didn’t want his teary episode to affect the atmosphere of the evening. Taking a deep breath, he put on a smile for Yan Xuming, “Shall we go back for dinner? The dishes might be…”

Mai Dong almost exclaimed in shock, but his words were cut short as the room spun before him. Luckily, a hand was there to support him behind his waist. Staggering and nearly losing balance, by the time he regained clarity, he found himself pressed against the partition of the restroom cubicle. His inquiry was on the tip of his tongue, but unfortunately, he didn’t get a chance to speak.

Yan Xuming’s lips descended, devoid of gentleness at this stage. Mai Dong’s lips were sucked until swollen, the movements between their lips and tongues were intense, making Mai Dong forget how to breathe. He couldn’t resist, and involuntarily let out two muffled refusals from his throat. His waist and legs turned weak, and just as he felt his body slipping down, he sensed something pressing between his legs, steadying his form.

Help …

Mai Dong felt like he was about to boil over. Just a moment ago, this person had confessed to him with a gentlemanly and gentle attitude, and within less than a minute of accepting, things had taken a turn. Mai Dong’s mind short-circuited, passively enduring everything. As the kiss continued, the lack of oxygen surprisingly brought a mysterious sense of pleasure.

Yan Xuming’s kiss eased some of Mai Dong’s uneasiness.

Mai Dong always thought he understood Yan Xuming. Throughout the four years of his secret crush, Mai Dong had done his best to objectively shape Yan Xuming as a person in his mind. He believed he was quite successful. Except for minor details like his tastes in food, which might have some deviations, the general direction had never been wrong.

Despite that, Mai Dong had never seen Yan Xuming like this, and he believed it was a version of Yan Xuming that no one had ever witnessed. In the oxygen-deprived state, Mai Dong felt intense love and possessiveness. Surprisingly, Mai Dong discovered that, for himself, this distorted expression of affection was far more effective than gentle coaxing.

Mai Dong had no idea how time passed. He even suspected that it might have been half an hour already when Yan Xuming finally released him. Gasping for breath with his mouth wide open, Mai Dong realized he was now sitting entirely on Yan Xuming’s raised thigh. His face turned crimson, and he struggled to sit upright, only to be pulled back into Yan Xuming’s embrace once again.

“Mai Dong, how about we hold off on officially dating for now and enter a trial period, okay?”

Mai Dong was startled, thinking Yan Xuming might be dissatisfied with the previous kiss. He became a bit anxious and quickly explained, “I… I will work hard to learn how to kiss better. You don’t have to…”

Yan Xuming chuckled, “Alright, stop saying such cute things. Mai Dong, if you’re hesitant, I’m afraid you might regret it.”

Mai Dong frowned, “I’m not hesitating, and I won’t regret it.”

Dr. God Mai was also quite peculiar. When others confessed to him, he hesitated a lot, but now that the other party was in doubt, he was eager to solidify the situation, afraid it might actually go awry.

The restaurant was the one they chose for their first dinner date, marked as the top spot for “Couple Date” on reviews. At that time, Mai Dong had many expectations, but unfortunately, they all fell through, leading to a serious illness.

He never thought he would have the chance to come to this restaurant again with Yan Xuming.

Inside the Western-style restaurant, romantic and soothing music played, and the conversations were kept within the bounds of politeness. Stepping in, there was a magnetic charm that made people involuntarily straighten their posture.

It was a Sunday evening, and aside from them, the restaurant was likely filled with couples. Every table had candles lit, and across the candlelight, couples of different genders or the same gender gazed at each other.

The waiter guided the two inside, tactfully asking, “Gentlemen, would you like candles lit at your table?”

Yan Xuming took off his coat and placed it by his side, smoothly responding, “Yes, please. Thank you.”

The waiter immediately understood, saying, “Certainly, sorry for the unnecessary question.”

Yan Xuming smiled, “No problem.”

Mai Dong was nervous the entire way, even pondering if he didn’t want to be a coward anymore, why does he have to wait for Yan Xuming to confess to him? Of course, as a seasoned secret admirer, getting a confession from the other person was the ultimate wish for all secret admirers. Yet, occasionally, Mai Dong also wished to be the one taking the initiative in the relationship, especially when it came to making the first confession.

He was led by Yan Xuming the whole way, rehearsing in his mind the lines to take the initiative.

“Senior, even though you already know my feelings, I still want to say it to you in person. I’ve liked you for four years. So, will you be my boyfriend?”

“Senior, I’ve always been a timid person, but I feel like I can’t be timid forever. Although… if you hadn’t found my diary, I probably would have remained timid. But things are different now. I like you, I’ve liked you for a long time.”

Various thoughts swirled in Mai Dong’s mind until he sat across from Yan Xuming. The waiter elegantly lit the intricately patterned candle between them, and the flame danced, casting shadows on Yan Xuming’s features. Mai Dong opened his mouth, but a flood of words got stuck at the tip of his tongue.

Yan Xuming handed over the menu, “Order first.”

Mai Dong lowered his head to order, his eyes scanning the names and dishes on the menu, although his mind was not fully engaged. He randomly made selections and handed the menu back to Yan Xuming.

His heart was in turmoil, a mix of anxiety and sweetness as if a lively little bird was fluttering around, chirping incessantly. His mind oscillated between rapid thoughts and a blank slate. Suddenly, a spark of insight struck him. What if Yan Xuming had this idea of confessing at this restaurant from the very first time he invited Mai Dong to dine together?

The waiter left with the menu, leaving them in their two-person world.

Yan Xuming, under the earnest gaze of Mai Dong, couldn’t contain his laughter, “Do you remember your first day of high school?”

He brought up such a topic suddenly, catching Mai Dong off guard. His mind was forced to recall, what happened on the first day of high school? It was nothing special—Yan Xuming, as the senior representative, gave a speech on stage, offering encouragement and blessings to the freshmen. At that time, Mai Dong sat below, viewing Yan Xuming as a goal to strive for academically. His thoughts were innocent, with no romantic inclinations towards Yan Xuming.

Mai Dong shook his head, “What’s the matter? Nothing much happened on the first day. I know you were the student representative.”

But Yan Xuming replied, “I was the senior student representative, what about the freshman representative?”

Mai Dong certainly hadn’t forgotten that he was the freshman representative. Entering the high school as the top scorer in the grade, it was only natural for him to hold that position. However, Mai Dong didn’t think much of his speech. He didn’t enjoy participating in such activities and didn’t want to spend time writing a script, so he casually copied and pasted one from the internet…

Yan Xuming laughed in a somewhat helpless manner as if he were observing a foolish person. “Mai Dong, the speech you copied from the internet was written by me.”

Mai Dong immediately sat up straight, “Ah?!”

Oh my god ah.

Mai Dong wished he could hide his head somewhere, but unfortunately, the atmosphere in this Western-style restaurant was too formal. Everyone was sitting upright, and with Mai Dong’s equally formal attire, he obviously couldn’t make such a move.

His cheeks and ears turned bright red, “Really? I… I’m sorry, I really had no idea. I was just too lazy to write a script, so I randomly copied one. Oh no, how could this be so coincidental! I even showed it to our class teacher at the time, and she said I did a good job… and the speech went smoothly, it seemed like no one noticed.”

Yan Xuming chuckled, taking over the conversation, “That was the script I wrote when I was a freshman representative in my first year. The class teacher praised it and insisted on submitting it for me, but I didn’t pay much attention. A year passed, and everyone must have forgotten. If you had taken a closer look while copying and pasting, you might have noticed my name as the author at the bottom.”

Mai Dong clasped his hands together, pleading with closed eyes, “I’m sorry, forgive me! I never intended to plagiarize from you!”

Yan Xuming nodded, “Of course, I knew.” He continued recalling, “I was backstage when you were speaking. Actually, I didn’t notice the first few sentences; I had almost forgotten about it. It wasn’t until later that I realized it sounded more and more familiar. I asked the classmates next to me who the freshman representative was this year, and they told me your name.”

Mai Dong found himself in an awkward and oddly enchanting situation, wondering how such a coincidental event could happen in the world. He had just casually copied from the internet, deliberately choosing a seemingly obscure website to avoid popular and widely known content. With so many people in the world and numerous submissions for freshman speeches, how did he manage to accidentally copy Yan Xuming’s work!

Simultaneously, he thought about how early it was, knowing that Yan Xuming had known his name since he just started high school. However, Mai Dong’s momentary excitement faded quickly as he realized that Yan Xuming probably didn’t have a favorable impression of him back then, perhaps seeing him as a lazy, opportunistic thief. Instantly, Mai Dong felt a tinge of regret and defeat, lamenting his past laziness and indifference. After all, a freshman speech was something he could have easily written. Why did he have to be so lazy ah!

“At that time, I was curious about you and thought you were pretty cool,” Yan Xuming said.

Mai Dong was still immersed in his own regret, and it took him a while to react to Yan Xuming’s words. He asked hesitantly, “Ah? I thought you would be angry…”

Yan Xuming looked at him in confusion, “Angry? Because you used my script?” Then he laughed, “Not really. With your grades, it’s easy for you to write your own. I guess you were just too lazy to bother. Besides, you’re really bad at acting. You stood on the podium reading my script with an impatient expression. I even doubted if my script was so bad that you found it unbearable.”

Mai Dong mentally screamed “help.” He had no idea he came off that way ah! He thought he was just plainly expressionless because he was doing something he didn’t like. Expecting him to break into a smile while reluctantly delivering the speech was a bit too much!

Mai Dong explained, “No, no… I really just didn’t want to speak. I even mentioned it to our class teacher, thinking that there must be many people who want to be the freshman representative. Why force me to do it? The class teacher gave me a stern look and told me not to be so stupid, saying that I couldn’t seize such good opportunities.”

Yan Xuming changed the topic, “So, Mai Dong, in your diary, you wrote that you always feel inferior when facing me. The first time I saw you write that, I really doubted it because, backstage, I wondered if it was because my script wasn’t good at that time. It was probably the first time in my life that I questioned myself.”

Mai Dong opened his mouth, wanting to say something but unsure how to start.

Yan Xuming continued on his own, “Of course, it’s the same for you in college. Except for the professors who grade easily, I rarely get a perfect score in my major courses. If even you have to feel inferior, what about others?”

Mai Dong thought seriously and replied, “When I face others, I don’t feel inferior, I know my family background is good, my appearance seems decent, and my grades are good. It’s just in front of you. Even though you say that, I still think you’re the more outstanding one.”

Yan Xuming couldn’t quite tell his expression. He stared at Mai Dong for a while before saying, “Don’t think too highly of me.”

Mai Dong stubbornly shook his head, “It’s not something I just think, it’s a fact.”

Before Mai Dong could say more, Yan Xuming’s phone suddenly rang. He held back the words at the tip of his tongue, waiting for Yan Xuming to answer the call. After a brief conversation, Yan Xuming mentioned a number, and while the call was still ongoing, Mai Dong noticed a waiter approaching with a large bouquet of orange roses.

At this moment, Mai Dong hadn’t fully grasped the situation, but he saw Yan Xuming, seated across from him, raise his hand.

Soon after, the bouquet of roses was placed in front of him. The waiter smiled beautifully, leaving with a wish, “Sir, I wish you happiness.” Mai Dong sat there, still in a daze, as if he still felt that this bouquet of flowers would be delivered to him only if someone made a mistake.

He clumsily cradled the large bouquet of roses, finally looking at Yan Xuming sitting across from him. He heard the person in front of him say, “Mai Dong, do you want to be with me?”

Mai Dong instinctively asked, “What?”

Yan Xuming patiently explained, “Be with me and start a new relationship, turning all the ‘I really like him’ in your diary into ‘I really like us being together,’ changing the ‘mushroom with low self-esteem who likes him in the dark corner’ into ‘his boyfriend.’”

“Okay?”

Du Chuan was on the verge of interrogating Mai Dong by torture to reveal how he got acquainted with that scum girl.

Mai Dong’s mind was currently a jumble of confusion. The left side of the confusion was about to boil over, preoccupied with the thought that Yan Xuming was going to confess to him tonight! On the right side, the confusion was a chaotic mess, pondering what Yan Xuming meant. He said tonight, but which tonight? What does he mean by tonight—this evening or tonight as in today’s night? In the middle of the confusion, there was a calm stillness: Who am I? Where am I?

Du Chuan asked questions, and Mai Dong answered mechanically, having lost his ability to think.

Du Chuan: “Where exactly did you guys meet? Did you meet online ah?”

Mai Dong shook his head, “We were high school classmates.”

Du Chuan was infuriated by his lack of resistance, “You liked her in high school ah?”

Mai Dong nodded pitifully.

Du Chuan sighed, “Is she at Nanjing University? Did you guys arrange to come to Nanjing University together?”

Mai Dong still shook his head, “No, he’s a year ahead of me. I…I came to Nanjing University on my own.”

Du Chuan became even angrier, “Why say it so nicely ah! Weren’t you just coming to Nanjing University because of her?! It’s exasperating! You, a rich second-generation xueba, turn out to be a love-struck fool ah!”

Mai Dong: “No… Nanjing University is a good school, and I’m studying hard as well…”

Du Chuan: “Stop trying to be clever! Tell me, how much money have you spent on her?”

Mai Dong dared not speak, and Du Chuan’s eyes widened, “Tens of thousands?!”

Mai Dong quickly waved his hands, “No, no, just… not even a thousand, probably, uh, a bit over six hundred.”

Du Chuan sighed in relief, “Well, at least it’s not hopeless.”

In the dormitory, a serious discussion was underway, with three people staring at Mai Dong as if conducting an interrogation.

Wu Zimo, also a rich second-generation, asked Mai Dong with a serious tone and concern, “But this thing can’t just be about how much money Mai-zi spent. Mai-zi, how much money did she spend on you?”

When Mai Dong received that notebook, he secretly scanned through Taobao¹Chinese online shopping website. At that moment, he was overjoyed; the notebook cost a little over sixty yuan, and he couldn’t even bring himself to buy such an expensive notebook for himself! He dared not say sixty, so he rounded up to a hundred, “A little over a hundred.”

Wu Zimo sighed heavily, “Mai Dong, you really can’t lie. What are your eyes wandering for? Tell the truth!”

Mai Dong: “68.”

Du Chuan simply laughed in anger, “Alright, there’s still some zeros and a whole number, impressive.”

Mai Dong suddenly remembered something and raised his hand hastily, “Uh, he, he also bought me a cup of milk tea and three lollipops.”

It was fine if he didn’t say it, but when he did, the people in the whole dormitory were angered but they also found it laughable.

Du Chuan couldn’t resist giving him a thumbs up, “Impressive ah, Mai-ge! Really impressive! You’re doing so well that there’s still f*ckng someone who’s willing to buy you milk tea and lollipops!”

Mai Dong sensed the sarcastic tone in Du Chuan’s words but hesitated to explain further. He was afraid of saying the wrong thing and causing his roommates to think that Yan Xuming was a bad person.

Du Chuan didn’t waste any time, “Come, take out your phone. I’ll watch as you delete her from your contacts today.”

Mai Dong was unwilling, “No… you guys misunderstood. We… uh, even though he hasn’t spent much money on me, uh, anyway, w-we’re really fine. He takes care of me a lot. Besides, I’ve been crushing on him all along. Why would he need to spend money on me?”

Du Chuan chuckled, “Do you believe I’ll strangle you?”

Mai Dong guarded his cell phone, “Please don’t.”

Wu Zimo half-jokingly intervened, stopping Duchuan, “Hey, the kid doesn’t know any better. Let’s not resort to violence.”

Several people were in the midst of a conversation when suddenly the dormitory door was knocked.

Du Chuan with a belly full of anger, stormed over to open the door aggressively and was surprised to find an outstanding Yan Xuming standing there. Du Chuan was momentarily stunned, realizing that this might be a lifeline! He instantly grabbed Yan Xuming’s arm, “President, you’re just in time. Please, talk to Mai Dong and convince him. We’re really afraid he’ll be deceived and have nothing left but his underpants. Moreover, no matter how we explain, he’s so stubborn. He’ll definitely listen to you. Please, have a word with him.”

Yan Xuming was aware of the situation. He knew that Mai Dong’s roommates had misunderstood, thinking there was a scum girl playing tricks on Mai Dong, and that girl was supposedly him. He asked, “What’s going on?”

Du Chuan immediately became a chatterbox, “President, let me tell you, our family’s Mai-zi is such a good person. The kid may not be on par with celebrities in terms of looks, but he’s still handsome. His family may not be super wealthy that can rival the country, but he’s still a rich second-generation kid. Not to mention, he’s not just a future pillar of society, but also the top student in his major. Despite all this, he just won’t wake up. He’s been secretly in love with a girl since high school, worked hard to get into Nanjing University for her, and she still ignores him. Yet, he’s still single-mindedly playing the role of a love-struck fool, licking dog. If someone truly likes him, after all these years, they would have made a move in high school. If they don’t like him, they should just reject him outright instead of playing these hot-and-cold games. Don’t you agree? That’s not a good person!”

Yan Xuming nodded thoughtfully and looked at Mai Dong with a smile.

Mai Dong listened to Du Chuan describing all these things in front of the so-called “scum girl,” his face wrinkling into a frown. He weakly explained, “No… you guys really misunderstood.”

It’s really a misunderstanding, but it’s hard to explain.

In reality, if Mai Dong just said that there was no scum girl, that person was Yan Xuming, all misunderstandings would be cleared up. However, Mai Dong couldn’t bring himself to say it. So, he kept insisting on the misunderstanding, refusing to explain further, appearing to his roommates as nothing more than a love-struck fool.

Yan Xuming patted Du Chuan on the shoulder, adopting an “I’ll handle this” demeanor. He spoke to Mai Dong, “Let’s go? Xueba, let me treat you to a meal.”

At this moment, Mai Dong had no interest in what his roommates were saying. Yan Xuming had really come to take him out for a meal! He stood up abruptly, only then realizing that Yan Xuming looked completely different from how he appeared during the day.

During the day, Yan Xuming went to the activity room to find him. He was wearing a gray hoodie with a black windbreaker on the outside. With his tall stature and good physique, he was like a clothes hanger, looking good in anything.

But now, he looked even more especially good-looking. Although the woolen coat almost covered everything inside, it revealed a clear hint of a black suit on one side.

Yan Xuming had actually come wearing a suit!

His hairstyle was also carefully cleaned up as if he was going on an important date.

Mai Dong hurriedly said, “I need to change my clothes too! Can you wait outside for me?”

Rummaging through his wardrobe, Mai Dong found the new clothes he had bought the last time he went out to dinner with Yan Xuming. Although he was satisfied with them at the time, he had worn them once already. How could he wear the same clothes for such an important occasion!

He wasn’t particularly fashionable, usually wearing whatever was comfortable. This was the first time he felt at a loss when looking at his wardrobe.

On Mai Dong’s 18th birthday, his mother gave him a suit—not the serious and conservative type, but a playful and fashionable white set. His mother’s words were a bit piercing, “You’re not very tall; I’m afraid an all-black outfit might overwhelm you.”

But, but dressing like this is also too much!

What if Yan Xuming didn’t confess tonight? What if Mai Dong misinterpreted the situation, making himself look like a joke in this outfit?

Yet, Mai Dong quickly reassured himself. No, that couldn’t be.

He firmly believed that Yan Xuming wouldn’t let him become a presumptuous clown.

Yan Xuming had arrived, dressed in a suit, inviting him to dinner. Mai Dong didn’t want to be a timid coward anymore; he had been timid for far too long.

Mai Dong had been sitting quietly at his desk the time he came back in the dorm from the activity room, he thought:

So Yan Xuming did notice me a long time ago, and that incident during the sports meet wasn’t accidental. He saw me, saw that I was injured, and that’s why he came over. Yan Xuming knew everything about high school–He knew that there was someone silently chasing after him as a goal, knew that every time there was a photo of the top student in the grade, Mai Dong would be standing beside him, knew that during a certain English speech contest, Mai Dong spoke German on a whim.

If only he had been brave earlier, could they have met sooner? Could those fanciful dreams have become reality? Even if they didn’t start dating, at least they would have known each other.

Mai Dong took a deep breath and retrieved from the wardrobe his most formal white suit that he had never worn before, still kept in a dustproof bag.

His roommates were still persuading him.

The general theme was: Since you’re going out to dinner with Yan Xuming tonight, stop thinking about what that person said about confessing to you. Listen to what Yan Xuming has to say. If you don’t believe us, at least trust Yan Xuming.

Mai Dong agreed before leaving, promising to listen carefully to what Yan Xuming had to say.

The moment Mai Dong stepped out of the dormitory door, he suddenly felt a surge of courage. It was dinner time, and there were many people coming and going on the floor—some getting ready to go out for a meal, some returning from dinner, and others heading downstairs to pick up takeout.

Yan Xuming was dressed like a prince from a fairy tale. He stood quietly at the door of Mai Dong’s dormitory, looking like he had stepped out of a storybook. He leaned against the windowsill on the opposite side of the corridor and reached out toward Mai Dong.

Perhaps because of his attire, the gesture seemed exceptionally gentlemanly. He waited patiently for quite some time, showing no signs of impatience. His tone remained gentle, “Let’s go? After you’ve portrayed me as such a scum girl, you should at least compensate me with a meal, right?”

Mai Dong looked at Yan Xuming’s outstretched hand, and confidently extended his own hand, and indeed, Yan Xuming held it. In the bustling corridor, Yan Xuming naturally intertwined his fingers with Mai Dong’s.

In his heart, Mai Dong told himself, “Mai Dong, Mai Dong, you don’t need to do anything. Just believe that the person you’ve liked for four years will never break your heart.”

---

Author’s Note:

Dang dang! Yesterday, I took a day off to make it up to you guys!

Also, to prevent some babies from being overly sensitive and talkative, let me explain why the roommates keep talking about money.

It’s because the roommates firmly believe that Mai-zi has been deceived. When it comes to being deceived, it’s usually about money or relationships. However, Mai-zi is not the kind of person who engages in video calls or intimate activities, and he’s a socially anxious xueba. With little romantic experience, all that’s left to question is the money spent. Don’t be too sensitive!

The taste of grilled meat with rice was fragrant.

Nevertheless, Mai Dong still hesitated to share a kiss with Yan Xuming which carried the aroma of grilled meat with rice. Besides, he wasn’t sure if it was reasonable for them to be kissing now. Could they be in love already? Impossible. Mai Dong couldn’t possibly miss such a big development; he was completely unaware that they were already in a romantic relationship.

Mai Dong hastily avoided the approaching kiss from Yan Xuming, feeling that a first kiss shouldn’t be taken so lightly. At the same time, he regretted missing the chance to kiss Yan Xuming.

His principles were sometimes present and sometimes absent. Occasionally, he felt that even if he liked Yan Xuming a lot, he needed to uphold his own principles. At other times, he thought that, for the sake of Yan Xuming, he could temporarily abandon all principles.

Yan Xuming was undeterred by Mai Dong’s evasion, instead, he moved back a bit and pushed the notebook on the table toward him. With a swift motion of his finger across the pages, he said, “Look here.”

Mai Dong leaned in to take a look, and Yan Xuming was pointing to a passage that read—

“Today, I had a very strange dream. I dreamt that during high school, we attended a summer camp together. I was the person in charge of the second year class, and he was the person in charge of the third year class. We went together to meet the teachers. Waking up, I felt quite depressed. Come on, Mai Dong, it’s just a dream. Your courage in the dream was only limited to having a meeting together ah! Kiss his lips ah! You should be kissing him ah!”

Mai Dong’s head felt like it was about to explode. He couldn’t recall writing something like this. When was this from? He offered a feeble explanation, “I… I just wrote it randomly.”

Yan Xuming let out an “Oh”, sounding somewhat regretful. “Thought you actually wanted to give me a kiss.”

Mai Dong quickly nodded. “Ai, I did.”

Yan Xuming laughed. “I was teasing you. Eat your food.”

Mai Dong chewed on his grilled meat with rice, distracted by thoughts of why the situation turned into teasing again. If he hadn’t avoided the kiss just now, could it have really happened?

Yan Xuming brought over his laptop, and the two spent the afternoon in the activity room, each engrossed in their own tasks.

Mai Dong mumbled to himself, switching between German and Chinese. He had a bad habit of absentmindedly chewing on his pen when deep in thought. Yan Xuming noticed this and tried to correct him several times without success. Realizing that such a long-standing habit wouldn’t be easily changed, Yan Xuming eventually gave up and went to the supermarket. He returned with a few lollipops, which he promptly stuffed into Mai Dong’s mouth.

With the sweetness in his mouth, Mai Dong felt a bit guilty. “Why… I’ll try to change, but do you really need to resort to lollipops? Are you coaxing a child?”

Yan Xuming nodded while typing on the laptop keyboard, “Aren’t you younger than me?”

Mai Dong hummed a couple of times, and his pen-biting turned into biting the stick of the lollipop.

There were other people in the activity room that afternoon. The first girl to add Mai Dong on WeChat had the Chinese name “Li Shengnan”. Despite her actual name being elegant and intellectual, Mai Dong couldn’t fathom why she chose such a distinctly Chinese name. During break time, Li Shengnan chatted with Mai Dong, saying, “Your boyfriend is so clingy, he wants to be with you even on weekends.”

Mai Dong sneaked a glance at Yan Xuming and thought: ‘Luckily, he couldn’t understand what Li Shengnan was saying.’ Initially, Mai Dong wanted to explain that Yan Xuming wasn’t his boyfriend, but as everyone really insisted, he started to feel a bit secretly selfish. Since Yan Xuming couldn’t understand, Mai Dong decided not to explain further.

Mai Dong whispered, “Actually, he’s quite busy. We don’t spend every day together.”

Li Shengnan narrowed her eyes and chuckled, “Mai, you and your boyfriend are a perfect match. How did you two meet?”

Mai Dong thought for a moment. In reality, his acquaintance with Yan Xuming should be traced back to when Yan Xuming found his diary. During the high school sports meeting, although Yan Xuming helped him, he didn’t know Mai Dong’s full name. So, Mai Dong truthfully answered, “Because… he found my diary and discovered my secrets.”

Li Shengnan immediately widened her eyes, “Such a surprising and romantic plot! Mai, I haven’t seen this kind of plot even in movies! It seems like you two are meant to be together, or else how could God bless you guys like this?”

She was really exaggerating. Mai Dong had already fabricated the relationship between him and Yan Xuming, and now with such exaggerated praise, he felt incredibly guilty. He could only awkwardly smile, neither nodding nor shaking his head.

Before Mai Dong could speak, he suddenly heard a female AI voice coming from Yan Xuming’s side, speaking in German: “We were high school classmates, and we met in high school.”

?!

Dr. God Mai’s eyes widened in terror. He turned his head slowly and saw Yan Xuming arching an eyebrow, waving his phone at him. On the screen was the real-time translation of the German conversation.

Ah?! He had forgotten how advanced technology is nowadays. Understanding everyday foreign language conversations had become such a simple thing! Real-time translation! Mai Dong’s eyes darkened. When he glanced at Yan Xuming’s phone screen earlier, he caught a few conspicuous Chinese words—”boyfriend.”

Mai Dong hurriedly explained in a hushed tone, “Uh, she, she kept saying you’re my boyfriend. I did explain, really, I explained many times. She just didn’t believe it, so I didn’t bother explaining again this time.”

Li Shengnan couldn’t follow Mai Dong’s rapid Chinese. She was surprised to see Yan Xuming initiating the conversation, “Oh? So, you found Mai’s notebook in high school. What secrets were inside? Of course, if it’s not convenient to say, you don’t have to.”

Yan Xuming glanced at his phone; the real-time translation wasn’t entirely accurate, but understanding the general meaning was enough. Seeing the translation, Yan Xuming didn’t input more Chinese on his phone. Instead, he looked at Mai Dong and said, “Tell her finding your diary was a university matter, but we’ve known each other since high school.”

Mai Dong reluctantly took on the role of translating for the two, feeling depressed about how the situation had turned out. He wanted to interject, to ask Yan Xuming when exactly they had met, but it felt impolite. So, for now, he played the part of an emotionless real-time translator.

Li Shengnan exclaimed, “Wow, I get it now! Mai thought you guys only met in college, but you actually knew him in high school.”

Yan Xuming replied, “Yes, you’re very clever.”

Li Shengnan continued, “Did you like Mai in high school? What a romantic love story! I have to share it with my German friends.”

Yan Xuming said, “Mai Dong doesn’t know about this yet, but I did notice him since high school. As for liking him, it might not have reached that level. I can’t say for sure, after all, it’s been so long.”

Mai Dong stared as he translated this sentence. Unable to hold back after finishing the German part, he rapidly whispered in Chinese to Yan Xuming, “Why didn’t you answer when I asked if you knew me in high school last time!”

Yan Xuming sighed, “Didn’t I answer you later? You’re so outstanding, how could anyone not know you.”

Li Shengnan was already excitedly holding her face, “Mai, when did you start liking him?”

Mai Dong felt quite embarrassed to answer such a question. He genuinely sensed a bit of distress; were all foreigners so open and enthusiastic? In Chinese culture, discussing such topics wasn’t something taken lightly. It required a certain level of familiarity among people.

Mai Dong looked around, held his tongue, and finally said, “… High school.”

Li Shengnan squealed, “You liked each other in high school, and you only started dating in college! Oh my god, what kind of love story is this ah!” She remained excited, and Mai Dong stole a glance at Yan Xuming. Yan Xuming’s expression seemed to be smiling, but not quite. Mai Dong felt like burying his face in the ground.

Li Shengnan continued to ask, “So, who confessed to whom?”

Mai Dong was mentally preparing himself for artificial respiration. He really wanted to speak up and hint to Li Shengnan that the topic should end here as it had gone far enough, becoming a bit impolite. However, he was too embarrassed to be so direct.

Unfortunately, Yan Xuming was thoroughly enjoying the situation, still using Mai Dong as the translator.

Yan Xuming listened to the question and seemed to think for a while, “Me.”

Mai Dong didn’t translate this word as it was a simple word, and Li Shengnan who was studying in China naturally understood it without translation.

Mai Dong lowered his voice, “When did you confess? Why are you lying!”

He was surprised by Yan Xuming’s response and subconsciously leaned forward a bit. When he realized what he was doing, he found that they were already quite close. Mai Dong’s heart once again disobeyed and started beating wildly. After a moment of hesitation, he tried to step back, but Yan Xuming grabbed him. Mai Dong heard Yan Xuming whispering a word in his ear:

“Tonight.”

This must be the umpteenth time today that Mai Dong has taken a deep breath.

After finishing the translation of today’s information, it was around four in the afternoon when Mai Dong returned to the dorm.

He walked so unsteadily that he almost walked with the same hands and feet. Yan Xuming sent him back to the dorm, but Mai Dong, with a stomach full of unspoken words, didn’t dare to ask Yan Xuming about the meaning behind the word “tonight.” He also refrained from asking if Yan Xuming meant to go out for dinner together tonight… or any similar questions.

Du Chuan had gone out for a date with his girlfriend today and returned to the dormitory around five. As soon as he entered, he saw Mai Dong sitting upright at the desk. At first glance, he thought Mai Dong was writing in his diary again, not paying much attention until he passed by and took a quick look behind Mai Dong. That’s when he got quite a shock.

Mai Dong’s desk was empty, devoid of a phone, diary, or any assignments. This person was just sitting upright.

Du Chuan asked cautiously, “Mai-zi, what’s wrong? Did that scum girl dump you? It’s alright ah, if there’s anything, tell your bros, your bros will help you think of ways.”

Mai Dong stared blankly, “He said he’s going to confess to me tonight.”

Wu Zimo, who had been holed up in the dormitory all day, suddenly stuck his head down from the upper bunk, “Ah? Confession with a preview? She’s quite the player. Mai-zi, I feel like you can’t outplay her.”

Du Chuan chimed in, “So, what’s the plan for tonight? Where’s the confession happening ah? Over WeChat or in person?”

Mai Dong shook his head, “I don’t know.”

Du Chuan put on a pained expression, “It’s already past five, and you still don’t know? Is she playing games with you? I really think you can’t outplay her ah, Mai-zi.”

It wasn’t until he returned to the dormitory that Mai Dong saw the top of the message list where Yan Xuming was pinned, only belatedly realized it. Could it be that Yan Xuming was jealous? In the past, Mai Dong would never have such audacious thoughts, but things are different now. After all, the two of them are in the ambiguous stage of their relationship, so it’s reasonable for Yan Xuming to feel jealous, right?

Mai Dong just thought about it this way but didn’t dare to actually ask Yan Xuming if it was true.

On the way back, he still felt a bit aggrieved, thinking that Yan Xuming was really angry about the incident of crossing the road. Now, upon reflection, it felt sweet again. He hugged his phone and looked at the pinned chat for quite a while.

Mai Dong’s WeChat kept chiming. International students were really enthusiastic. Probably, in the university, it’s rare to find someone of his age who speaks German so well, so there were unusually many questions.

It’s either they asked about Chinese customs, the delicacies and entertainment around the university town, or travel recommendations for nearby cities—questions about everything.

Mai Dong was like a study abroad concierge, feeling a bit impatient at times, but also considering that this concerns the impression of Chinese people on German international students. He can only patiently answer one by one.

Yan Xuming’s chat window remained pinned at the top.

Of course, Mai Dong himself had thought about doing this several times, but the reason he hadn’t practiced it was the concern about being seen by others. After all, pinned chats are easily visible. He didn’t mind himself, but Mai Dong didn’t want Yan Xuming to face discussions because of his actions.

Now that Yan Xuming did it himself, Mai Dong almost couldn’t wait for everyone to see his WeChat pinned chat.

When the two parted ways, Yan Xuming still seemed a bit unhappy. Mai Dong, on the other hand, once separated from Yan Xuming, his IQ gradually returned to normal levels. Before going to sleep, he took the initiative to send a message to Yan Xuming.

Mai-zi: “Good night, senior. Today was my mistake. Although we were walking together, I kept replying to other people’s messages. But there was absolutely no intention of neglecting you. I only agreed to this because you came to find me in the first place.”

On the other side, the reply was aloof: “Give me the diary another day.”

Mai Dong chuckled as he held his phone. “Sure.”

Yan Xuming, “Good night.”

For the New Year’s Day debate, everyone generally had classes from Monday to Friday during the day, so there wasn’t much time for preparation. Mai Dong had been translating various materials these days. The debate topic this time was challenging, both abstract and philosophical: “Does the truth become clearer through debate?”

The head of the international debate team was also in a tough spot and kept saying to Mai Dong, “Really, if it weren’t for getting such a debate topic this time, we wouldn’t need to look for external help. This is really… aiyo, f*ck, with this topic, even in our native language, it might not be easy to explain. It’s really hard for you, Mai Dong.”

Mai Dong had indeed been busy with this matter these days, usually spending his weekends in the international debate team’s activity room. Despite being fluent in German, the debate topics were somewhat profound. After all, Mai Dong was just a sophomore, and he had to occasionally seek help from his grandmother while wearing headphones.

The two communicated in German, and a few international students sat beside Mai Dong, listening to him speak German.

“This phrase is a Chinese proverb, right? ‘If the drum is not beaten, it won’t make a sound; if the reasoning is not debated, it won’t become clear.’ I can only translate it in the most direct way. To achieve elegance, I’m still lacking some skills… Ah, yes, you are certainly more skilled than me.”

‘A hundred schools of thought contend…’¹This expression originated during the Warring States period in ancient China. It symbolizes a time when various philosophical and intellectual schools, such as Confucianism, Daoism, and others, coexisted, each with its unique perspectives. The idea behind it is that a multitude of voices and viewpoints contribute to a rich intellectual landscape, fostering debate, discussion, and the pursuit of knowledge. In a broader sense, it may be used to express the value of diverse opinions, open discourse, and the free exchange of ideas in promoting intellectual growth and societal progress. Yes, I’m just regretful that many precise and beautiful expressions can only be conveyed in Chinese. Of course, it’s not just regret, it’s more about pride.”

After talking to his grandmother on the phone for half an hour, Mai Dong hung up and only then realized that a circle of people had gathered around him. He instantly felt a bit terrified and instinctively shrank back a bit. Seeing mostly non-Chinese faces, he asked in German, “What’s going on?”

“Mai, you have a very different charm when talking to your family on the phone. This probably needs a term from your Chinese words—‘literary household,²]Family with a literary reputation (idiom)‘” said a German guy with freckles all over his face. The phrase ‘literary household’ was expressed in clumsy Chinese.

Mai Dong knew that foreigners often express emotions more directly and emotionally, and they never hesitate to show their goodwill and praise. Even this statement was already a subtle expression. However, Mai Dong was still not quite used to it, but he just smiled and said, “Thank you.”

But Mai Dong clearly underestimated the enthusiasm and openness of foreign friends.

In China, a simple “thank you” is often enough and can be considered the end of a conversation. Excessive praise and compliments may be seen as insincere or forced. However, among German international students, it’s a different story.

How could they praise Mai Dong while others did not? So, a few people gathered together and showered Mai Dong with praises, each expressing their admiration in a lively and sometimes peculiar manner.

“Mai, during our last meal together, I felt you were a bit reserved, like a small chick. But now, it’s different. I’ve discovered all your charming aspects, and I believe there are many more good qualities in you that I haven’t noticed. I’m looking forward to it.”

“You descended like a god, Mai, do you know that? When we saw this topic, we thought the world was about to end. It was so difficult. But your appearance saved us, Mai. I love you!” The one saying this was a guy with golden hair, quite tall, probably over 1.9 meters—The tallest person Mai Dong had ever seen. Perhaps to express his goodwill, the phrase “I love you” was pronounced in clear and pure Chinese, which where enunciated beautifully.

Yan Xuming entered the activity room and heard these four words — “Mai, I love you!”

Hearing someone approaching, everyone turned to look. The girl who first added Mai Dong on WeChat at the dining table that day smiled and said to Mai Dong in German, “Mai, your boyfriend is here, we’re leaving. I know there’s a term in China called ‘Light bulb.'”

Mai Dong hurriedly explained, “No, he’s not my boyfriend.”

Unfortunately, no one paid attention to his explanation. In no time, the people who had just “passionately confessed” to him had all disappeared.

Yan Xuming held a box of grilled meat with rice and placed it on the table. He raised an eyebrow and said after sitting down, “If I come a bit later, can I still get some sweets from the wedding?”

Mai Dong cleared his throat, took the grilled meat with rice, and said, “No, it’s just how foreigners are.”

Today was Saturday. At ten o’clock, Yan Xuming sent a WeChat message to Mai Dong, asking if he was in the international debate team’s activity room. After confirming, he mentioned bringing food for Mai Dong. It happened to be mealtime, and Mai Dong’s stomach was growling. He opened the grilled meat with rice and took a couple of bites. Then, hesitatingly, he took out the old diary from his backpack and pushed it over.

“Um… I did mention showing it to you before,” Mai Dong said.

Yan Xuming didn’t say anything. While Mai Dong was eating, he sat beside him and directly opened the diary. Mai Dong quickly pressed it shut, saying, “Don’t read it here!”

Yan Xuming’s tone was calm, “You know full well that I’m getting jealous.”

Mai Dong felt today was quite surreal. First, he dealt with a bunch of foreign friends who were straightforward, and now Yan Xuming, who was also very direct. Foreign friends were easier to handle; Mai Dong didn’t really care about them. Whatever they said, it was just a matter of listening or not.

But Yan Xuming was different. When he said those words, bubbles seemed to be bubbling up in Mai Dong’s heart, creating an illusion that he was already in a romantic relationship with Yan Xuming.

He compromised quite easily, letting Yan Xuming sit beside him and open the diary. Yan Xuming, whether intentionally or not, kept making comments from time to time.

“The girl who brought me water during the basketball game was a junior sister in the club. She wasn’t interested in me, she just pitied me for being single and having no one to bring me water.”

“The one who ate with me in the cafeteria is not a romantic interest either. He’s just a new member of the student union. It was his first time hosting an event, and he lacked experience, so I shared some tips with him.”

“Why don’t I remember the person you wrote about? They didn’t confess to me. It’s been a long time since someone confessed to me.”

Mai Dong’s face was almost buried in the grilled meat with rice as he whispered in defense, “I just wrote casually. Don’t take it to heart! You know, people tend to let their imaginations run wild when they have a crush.”

Yan Xuming continued flipping through the diary, seemingly asking casually, “En, what about now?”

Mai Dong’s heart skipped a beat, “Hmm?”

Yan Xuming asked, “Do you still let your imagination run wild now?”

Mai Dong licked his lips, with a mouthful of rice yet to be chewed. He swallowed it down in one gulp, hearing a clear “gulp” sound from his throat. He opened his mouth, and responded after a long time, “Occasionally.”

Yan Xuming nodded and looked at Mai Dong with his head propped up.

In the activity room, there was no one but them. Despite the winter noon sunlight casting a warm yellowish-white glow through the windows, it didn’t significantly raise the temperature. Both of them were wearing somewhat heavy clothes. Yan Xuming moved a bit closer to Mai Dong and softly asked, “Can I kiss you? Would you find it too sudden?”

Mai Dong froze completely. His throat tightened, and his voice sounded strained and shaky, “…Hmm?”

Yan Xuming slowly leaned in, and their lips were getting closer and closer. Mai Dong’s disconnected brain suddenly reconnected. His face turned incredibly red, not looking like himself. However, he used the last bit of his rationality to quickly evade, whispering in a small, wailing voice, “Don’t… I was just eating grilled meat with rice T T”

---

Jie Jie: Sorry for the late upload. I just have some matters to attend to with my family. Thank you!

Mai Dong’s heart was filled with honey, and he really wanted to agree outright, but he also wanted to feign a bit of reserve.

So he said, “Even if you come to me like this, I still need to think about it.”

Yan Xuming let out a slow “ah” and said, “It seems I do have a bit of an inflated ego. I should change my perception in the future.”

Upon hearing this, Mai Dong quickly changed his tone, “No… No need to change. If you come to me, of course, I’ll agree.”

After saying this, Mai Dong heard a burst of laughter from the other end of the phone, realizing that Yan Xuming was playing set-up with him again.

This wasn’t the first time Mai Dong willingly fell for it. Each time, he would lightly resent himself—How could he be so unprincipled? Yet, he also felt that Yan Xuming was bullying him, taking advantage of the fact that Mai Dong had no experience flirting with others, leaving him at Yan Xuming’s mercy.

Mai Dong asked again, “But… can I? Wouldn’t it be better to find a senior or senior sister in their fourth or third year? I’m afraid my knowledge in the field may not be enough.”

Yan Xuming once again adopted his helpless tone, “Xueba, what’s your self-perception? You were already fluent in German in high school. I didn’t know the reason before, but later you mentioned your grandmother being a diplomat, and I guessed it was because of that.”

Mai Dong nodded silently at first, then suddenly widened his eyes, “High school… Did you know me?”

After Mai Dong asked that question, there was silence on the other end of the phone for a while. Eventually, Yan Xuming spoke, “Hang up, go to bed early.”

Mai Dong hurriedly intervened, “Hey, wait a moment!” But before he could finish his sentence, the call had already been disconnected.

Yan Xuming simply hung up, and Mai Dong had a sleepless night.

He kept wondering if Yan Xuming really knew him from high school. He tried hard to recall, except for the time he fell during the sports day, the two of them had no real interaction. If there was any intersection, it was only the photos on the honor wall taken after the final exams for each grade.

High school only had a total of three grades and there were three people in the photo room.

Mai Dong pretended not to know Yan Xuming and Yan Xuming didn’t even bother pretending. It was evident that he had no recognition of Mai Dong, and the two never even exchanged a simple “hello.”

So, Mai Dong changed his approach to recall when he spoke German in high school. It should’ve been during a certain English speech competition in his first year, which the homeroom teacher had forced him to participate in.

Mai Dong had no interest in extracurricular competitions and activities from childhood to adolescence. However, in high school, he had no right to refuse, similar to how he and his deskmate were forced to participate in a two-man three-legged race.

Feeling dissatisfied, Mai Dong played around at the competition. While others were giving English speeches, he confidently delivered a fluent and authentic German speech with the topic being “The true meaning of education lies in respecting the students’ desire for free development.” The judges couldn’t understand a word, and he received zero points. Mai Dong was eliminated in the first round.

Now looking back, he felt a bit embarrassed. Mai Dong thought he was immature at that time, and if it happened now, he probably wouldn’t do the same.

Even though he recalled this incident, Yan Xuming hadn’t participated in that speech competition. At that time, Yan Xuming was preparing for a physics competition, so how did he know?

Early the next morning, Mai Dong woke up and saw a screen full of thank-you messages. The person who sent the messages was the senior who added him on WeChat a month ago. The senior had added him to the debate team’s group chat, where everyone group was brushing “Worship Xueshen.”

Mai Dong felt overwhelmed by such a situation and didn’t dare to speak in the group. Instead, he replied with a simple “You’re welcome” in private chat. He truly has social phobia and didn’t expect that in the eyes of others, he had firmly established the label of being a “gao leng.”¹Reserved/Aloof Some individuals discussed him secretly, questioning each other if Mai Dong was really a gao leng. They all welcomed him so warmly, and yet he didn’t say a single word.

In the evening, the debate team invited him to dinner, mainly to express their gratitude to Mai Dong.

Mai Dong actually didn’t want to go. Some people enjoyed socializing; it was a way for them to recharge. However, for others like Mai Dong, socializing was merely a drain on their energy.

When Mai Dong mentioned this to Yan Xuming, he discreetly confessed that he didn’t want to go but felt awkward about declining because everyone was so enthusiastic.

Mai-zi: “If they want to thank me, they shouldn’t invite me to dinner ah ah ah T T”

Yan Xuming: “If you don’t eat with them, they might think you’re not genuinely willing to help.”

Mai-zi: “I know, that’s why I can’t refuse.”

Yan Xuming: “Shall I accompany you?”

Mai-zi: “Is that okay? Won’t you be very busy?”

Yan Xuming: “Not busy.”

Mai-zi: “Hehe, okay.”

Mai Dong was simply coaxed, thinking that if Yan Xuming was there for the dinner, it could serve as a form of recharging for himself.

Mai Dong then remembered the reason for his insomnia the previous night and asked Yan Xuming.

Mai-zi: “Did you know me in high school?”

Yan Xuming: “The one who spoke German in that English speech competition, the judges were all confused. Everyone knows you.”

Mai-zi: “Ah?”

It was only then that Mai Dong truly realized that his life trajectory seemed to have deviated a bit.

He had always considered himself a low-key and socially awkward passerby. However, he didn’t realize that was not how others perceived him. In fact, Mai Dong himself didn’t know how to adapt.

Imagine this: Even before he developed feelings for Yan Xuming, Yan Xuming, who always topped the class, already had a great halo. He became someone Mai Dong wanted to chase, while Mai Dong himself was also the first in the grade. How could he be seen as an ordinary passerby in the eyes of others?

He was so focused on chasing Yan Xuming that he completely overlooked the fact that he was also the target of many others.

In other words, Yan Xuming did know him from high school.

This feeling was quite strange. Mai Dong had always thought of himself as the one silently following, always in a corner never to be noticed. Now suddenly realizing that the other person had always been aware of him was akin to waking up from a dream and discovering that the other person had him in their dreams as well.

Having dinner with the debate team in the evening, everyone enthusiastically surrounded Mai Dong, bombarding him with questions about why he spoke German so well.

Mai Dong felt quite embarrassed and explained that everyone in his family could speak German and that his grandmother was a diplomat.

Everyone was amazed, looking at Mai Dong as if he were some kind of a master from another world. Most of the members of the debate team who joined for dinner were German exchange students. They excitedly communicated with Mai Dong in their mother tongue, and Mai Dong responded effortlessly. It seemed like shedding the shame of speaking one’s mother tongue had alleviated some of his social anxiety. Surprisingly, they had a rather enjoyable conversation.

Yan Xuming sat beside Mai Dong, appearing somewhat silent, perhaps because he couldn’t find an opportunity to join the conversation or didn’t understand the discussion.

One international student asked for Mai Dong’s contact information, and Mai Dong couldn’t refuse, but as he was about to share his QR code Yan Xuming blocked it.

Mai Dong didn’t catch on immediately and turned to Yan Xuming, “What’s wrong?”

Yan Xuming casually picked up a piece of food for him with a chopstick and said seemingly nonchalantly, “Handing out your WeChat so easily?”

Mai Dong blinked, “Is there a rule? Can’t I give it out?”

Yan Xuming, blocked by his slow response, didn’t say anything more and watched as the two successfully added each other on WeChat.

Everyone wanted Mai Dong’s WeChat, and someone took the initiative. A row of phones crowded around, and even those who were initially aloof had become familiar, saying, “Hey, Mai-zi, let’s add each other, too? I’ve heard about you for a while. Add me on WeChat, and if you need anything, just hit me up. I’ll definitely help.”

After the meal, Mai Dong had gained seven or eight new WeChat friends, all of them very enthusiastic.

On the way back to the dorm, Mai Dong was still busy replying to messages on his phone. He truly didn’t want to be forced into socializing like this, but one of the people messaging him was a friend of Yan Xuming, and Mai Dong wanted to establish a good relationship with him.

When crossing the road, Yan Xuming was still holding his wrist. Being led across the road was only the second time this had happened, but Mai Dong had already developed a somewhat dependent habit.

He was solely focused on being led forward by Yan Xuming, while burying his head in replying to messages from German exchange students: “It’s a Chinese New Year tradition to eat dumplings. I really like them, you can give them a try too. The cafeteria’s taste isn’t that great, but I can recommend nearby takeout options in the university town.”

As they reached the second half of the crosswalk, the green light suddenly turned red. Mai Dong was pulled, and his phone nearly slipped from his hand. In a daze, he ran a few steps with Yan Xuming before speaking, “Oh, sorry, I didn’t see the red light.”

Yan Xuming threw back a word, “En.”

Mai Dong quickly put away his phone, “Are you angry? I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have been looking at my phone while crossing the road.”

Yan Xuming threw back two more words, “I’m not.”

Mai Dong knew he wasn’t happy. He felt that allowing Yan Xuming to lead him across the road had probably caused him trouble. He felt a bit wronged because he didn’t like socializing in the first place; it was only because Yan Xuming asked that he agreed to do it. Yet, he also felt at fault, acknowledging that he hadn’t been paying attention to the road and had inconvenienced the other person.

He couldn’t say anything else, so he followed Yan Xuming back with his head stuffy.

Yan Xuming escorted Mai Dong to the dormitory entrance. Mai Dong eagerly looked at him, wanting to say goodnight, but Yan Xuming kept a cold face, still seeming angry.

Mai Dong held back his words, hesitating to leave directly. After some thought, he remembered a way to appease Yan Xuming and said, “Do you… want to read my diary? The old one, I can show it to you, okay?”

Mai Dong thought Yan Xuming would definitely agree. After all, hadn’t he been saying he wanted to read Mai Dong’s diary? However, to his surprise, Yan Xuming refused, using a very indifferent tone, “No need, go back.”

Unable to hold back, Mai Dong finally asked, “Are you still angry? I’ll be more careful next time and cross the road by myself. You don’t have to lead me.”

Yan Xuming glanced at him. Despite the two-meter distance between them, he suddenly waved to Mai Dong, making a gesture similar to “come here.”

Mai Dong took two steps forward.

Yan Xuming extended his hand, “Phone.”

Though Mai Dong didn’t understand what was going on, he obediently handed over his phone. Yan Xuming pressed something, then returned the phone. Mai Dong looked at the WeChat chat interface, and Yan Xuming’s account was now pinned at the top.

Mai Dong couldn’t grasp the situation and asked along, “Does this mean you’re not angry anymore?”