I actually thought about running away.
I was anxious day and night and lived in fear of uncertainty all night long. On the surface, I had a good family, a good education and a good, and handsome partner who was the envy of the world.
But I knew that wasn’t mine, they all liked the previous Ze’an.
Later, I actually tried to learn from him and tried to climb to his heights—but the fake Ze’an was really good, and I myself had been a mediocre person who had spent half my life doing nothing and couldn’t achieve what he had done in just two years.
My parents had by then gotten used to the clumsy and wrong-headed me of today, and naturally, they wouldn’t really suspect that I wasn’t me like Ji Qin, but the sigh from time to time about how I was now, became so much more lately.
I felt regretful.
If I hadn’t been so rebellious during my high school and university years, and hadn’t been so annoyed with my parents, and had come home to them more often, would his parents accepted the fake Ze’an so easily when he first arrived?
Not necessarily, or maybe that fake Ze’an would be accepted no matter what. Unlike me.
—I thought about running away.
But even though the world was so big, where could I escape to?
Those were the people who were closest to me.
I started to lose sleep and I couldn’t sleep well.
This was very bizarre because I used to be so big-hearted that I almost always fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow. But from one of the recent days, I suddenly couldn’t sleep.
My head was always full of things. From Fu Shan, who sighed because she didn’t get the answer she wanted when she was talking to me about her thoughts, to my parents who complain about how I’m suddenly not good at anything, to my boss who said he hates my guts for making such a small mistake, to the parent who called me and invited me to tutor his kid, to Ji Qin who was looking forward to fake Ze’an’s return every second and every day and night…
My brain was about to explode.
After such insomnia tormented me for a short time, I finally went to the hospital for sleeping pills. That night I finally got a good night’s sleep with the help of medicine, and I began to rejoice in the great power of science, otherwise, I would have had a nervous breakdown.
The next day, I was in good spirits and prepared a second breakfast for Ji Qin as usual. He worked a little later than I did, but he was usually up by the time I brought breakfast back, but today there was no sign of movement.
I hesitated for a moment. Since I split up with him that day, I hadn’t had any other in-depth communication with him, but anyway—I knocked on the door and call him out, “Ji Qin, are you up?”
There was no sound inside, I hesitated for a while but still opened the door—it was unlocked, and I saw Ji Qin curled up in the corner of the bed, his face pale, his lips pursed as if he was trying to endure something.
I was startled and rushed forward, “Are you okay? Are you all right, Ji Qin?”
Ji Qin seemed to be in severe pain and ignored me. I was at a loss for words, and after tidying up the messy bedding for him, I noticed that he had been holding his palm tightly over his stomach.
Is this…a stomachache?
I found painkillers and stomach medicine and gave them to him with lukewarm water. The effect of the medicine worked very quickly, and his face improved a lot after a while, so I breathed a sigh of relief and said to him, “Should I take you to the hospital? You just looked very…… serious.”
Ji Qin pursed his lips, didn’t look at me, and only after a while did he said, “No, it’s an old problem.”
It turned out that Ji Qin had a gastropathy problem, but I didn’t know it until now.
I quietly made a note in my heart and thought that I should pay attention to it in the future, when he suddenly said, “Thank you.”
I was stunned, and my mood improved. This was the first time Ji Qin thanked me, and the first time I had felt wanted since I returned.
I held back a smile and stammered, “You’re welcome, um, do you want me to ask for leave for your company?”
Ji Qin raised his head and glanced at me, then quickly withdrew his gaze.
“No, I can call myself.”
He said thank you for the second time!
I became happier and felt more motivated for the rest of the day. I smiled and said, “No problem, no problem, we are housemates, it’s what should be done. I left my breakfast outside, I bought congee and buns, you can warm them up later.”
I was in a good mood and I was afraid that he would think I was nagging. After I finished speaking, I was afraid that he would refuse, so I quickly closed the door of his room and ran away.
Assuming Ji Qin was just my housemate, it was not an exaggeration for me to care about him, right?
Ji Qin and I were at peace in the next few days. His gastropathy seemed to have broken out, but my insomnia was still so bad that I needed to increase the dosage of my medication to maintain my sleep.
Until one day, I was sent to the hospital by Ji Qin for gastric lavage1the process of cleaning out the contents of the stomach because of an overdose.
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