11
Lu Changze became thinner because of his stomach cancer. He couldn’t eat, and vomited after eating. He simply stopped eating and lived on intravenous nutrition every day.
One can no longer see flesh one him. Lu Changze is now living in a single ward, but he can still see the road from the window. Gu Xiu arranged it for him.
From that day on, Gu Xiu came here often, and every time he came, he would bring food for Lu Changze. Unfortunately, Lu Changze can’t eat anymore. It doesn’t feel good to wait to die.
Especially when the person is very weak, Lu Changze’s waking time is gradually decreasing every day, and he is getting quieter and quieter. Sometimes he would sleep for a day and only utter one or two words.
When one is awake, one will always spend their waking hours thinking about some past things. This was especially true when one is dying.
In the third year of high school, Lu Changze liked men, and there was no one in school who did not know about his crush for Gu Xiu.
There were only two people who dared to talk to him and approach him proactively. One was Fang Ming and the other was Gu Xiu. Gu Xiu and Fang Ming were good brothers.
Fang Ming had a good temper and treated his cousin Lu Changze well. Gu Xiu always felt that Lu Changze was holding Fang Ming back, not to mention that this disgusting man liked him
Every time Gu Xiu saw Lu Changze, he would sneer and become sarcastic. In the second semester of his third year of high school, Lu Changze knew about the Fang family’s financial situation and that they can only support one person to go to college. Lu Changze’s liking for men has already made Fang’s parents feel uncomfortable. Lu Changze is also very self-aware, so starting from the third year of high school, he stopped studying hard. He knew that the place in this university could only be reserved for Fang Ming.
At that time, he was the only one who felt as if he was being cut by a knife. In fact, he liked reading very much. He liked all kinds of books. How much Lu Changze envied others who could go to college and how much he envied others who could study peacefully, the pain in his heart, the more it hurts, the more it didn’t matter.
After the college entrance examination, Gu Xiu and Fang Ming entered the same university with different majors, while Lu Changze found a part-time job in a restaurant near the university.
The students had to live on campus and Gu Xiu was not used to eating in the school cafeteria. After learning about it from Fang Ming, Lu Changze sacrificed his rest and used his salary to buy meals every day.
Sometimes, he would take a detour to buy Gu Xiu’s favorite food and send it to his dormitory.
Gradually, Gu Xia also ate the meals brought by Lu Changze. Lu Changze served as Gu Xiu’s delivery boy and meal tickets for a year, rain or shine.
When he was a sophomore, Gu Xiu and Fang Ming started a business. Gu Xiu was a man with a good head on his shoulders and he had money at home, so he went into real estate.
Afterwards, the two made some appearances. After Lu Changze pestered Fang Ming so he could work together, Gu Xiu disagreed a lot and Fang Ming had no choice but to never bring it up again. However, Lu Changze had a thick skin, so gradually he got into the bottom layer.
In fact, Lu Changze was not stupid, so Gu Xiu eventually just let him be.
Lu Changze entered Huihua founded by the two of them, but only Lu Changze himself knew how hard he worked in Huihua.
How many nights he has stayed up just because this company belonged to Gu Xiu and Fang Ming.
But Lu Changze is Lu Changze after all, what he lacked most when he was a child was money, so when he grew up, what he couldn’t let go of was money. He was a philistine and was greedy so he cared about everything. It was not like he never had enough to eat, but he has never felt like he would be able to afford the luxuries he wanted, even if they were a pair of sneakers.
People with slightly more expensive sneakers will never realize the importance of money to Lu Changze. He never went out with a lot of money.
He probably didn’t want to buy clothes even if he had money. Even if he does, he will buy the cheapest clothes because he can’t bear it.
But this attitude of his was very despised, especially by Gu Xiu.
Lu Changze woke up faintly. Seeing that Gu Xiu had arrived, sitting on the sofa beside the hospital bed, he wondered what he was thinking. Seeing Lu Changze wake up, he got up and walked over, “Are you awake?”
Then, there was nothing else, Gu Xiu didn’t know what to say. Although he came often, the two of them rarely said a word.
Lu Changze slowly propped himself up and sat up. Gu Xiu put a pillow behind him and Lu Changze said thank you softly before stretching out his hand
Opening the novel on the side and continuing to read, Gu Xiu felt a little uncomfortable seeing the leisurely and quiet person in front of him. It was difficult to distinguish between the person in front of him and the one in his memory.
The shameless Lu Changze.
“Where did the book come from?”
Lu Changze looked up at him, “I bought it myself.” Lu Changze pointed to the mobile phone on the table, “I asked the nurse to help me pick up the courier.”
Gu Xiu frowned, “You should be less exposed to radiation…”
Lu Changze smiled, “Why did I fall in love with you back then?”
Gu Xiu was annoyed for a while, “What’s the use of talking about it now? Whether you like me or not, soon you will…”
At this point, Gu Xiu suddenly couldn’t continue.
Lu Changze smiled indifferently, lowered his head and continued to read, “Gu Xiu, don’t come here from tomorrow on.”
“Lu Changze, I told you not to think of yourself so highly. Who cares if I come or not?” Gu Xiu was angry.
“I beg you,” Lu Changze said, “I don’t want to see you when I’m about to die.”
Gu Xiu slammed the door and left.
The moment the door closed, Lu Changze rolled on the bed in pain.
Yesterday, Lu Changze saw with his own eyes a patient who had the same disease as him passing away. When that person left, he was in pain…and in a shameful state.
At the very least, Lu Changze didn’t want Gu Xiu to see him haggardly again. Once at the age of twelve was enough.
12
Gu Xiu never came again and Lu Changze resumed his days in the hospital alone but he could no longer go to the garden. He couldn’t walk anymore.
Lu Changze’s exhausted body is struggling to pick up a book and his day-to-day life has become a burden for Lu Changze’s exhausted body. He is very tired.
He is quiet, even if the pain is so painful that his eyes are out of focus, it is still very quiet. So quiet that he doesn’t seem to be alive.
The day Lu Changze passed, it was sunny. When Gu Xiu entered, he still had the unfinished book in his hand. Gu Xiu stood beside the bed for a long time.
For a long time, he didn’t know what he was thinking with his downcast eyes and he didn’t know that the patient in this room had passed until the doctor who made the rounds entered.
After a busy schedule, Gu Xiu arranged a single room for Lu Changze. He didn’t care about anything else until today.
He understood that before Lu Changze was hospitalized, he had already arranged everything that was to come after his passing. He didn’t know that person quietly arranged everything for himself without telling everyone.
Gu Xiu stood in front of Lu Changze’s tombstone and looked at the photo of the person on the tombstone quietly. The person in the photo smiled very happily. It was pure happiness. Gu Xiu only saw that kind of smile once and it was in the waiting hall of the hospital. That was the first time he saw that smile in the hospital.
God…The photo must’ve been taken by the hospital for his tomb, but the person in the photo was still smiling so happily. Gu Xiu doesn’t know why death is so important to Lu Changze. Was this a happy thing?
Lu Changze even bought his own grave before he was hospitalized. Gu Xiu felt as if he had never understood Lu Changze before.
He hasn’t been to the hospital since Lu Changze told him not to come here again, but it was all a lie to him. He still went to the hospital every day but he no longer appeared in front of Lu Changze. Those few days, Lu Changze was as quiet as usual, even when he passed, it was silent.
Gu Xiu suddenly felt that Lu Changze was actually such a quiet person that people would easily forget.
13
Closing: There’s So Much You Don’t Know
Gu Xiu remembered that Lu Changze told him that there were too many things he didn’t know. After Lu Changze passed away, Gu Xiu was always thinking about this problem.
Sometimes it hurts to think about it, so he doesn’t want to continue thinking about it. He is a person of action, so instead of thinking about it, he wants to do something. He wants to understand what he is doing.
In the end, he didn’t know what he was doing.
Gu Xiu has been to the place where Lu Changze lived before. The place is about to be demolished and most of the people have been evacuated. Gu Xiu entered the place where Lu Changze lived before.
The small house was clean except for some dust. When he opened the closet, none of Lu Changze’s clothes were there. Gu Xiu could guess that these things have been kept away by Lu Changze a long time ago. Maybe it was dealt with in a hurry, but Gu Xiu still found something.
He found books at the foot of the bed, some unfinished sketches and a few pencils.
Gu Xiu never knew that Lu Changze could draw, nor did he know that he could draw very well. At least, he drew himself very well.
Looking over the painting, he could feel the tenderness in the eyes of the person who held the pencil. Gu Xiu put the sketch away carefully.
After going to the places where Lu Changze stayed before, Gu Xiu felt that maybe he had never known Lu Changze before.
Among Huihua’s founding employees, Lu Changze will always be the best one and he will always be the most serious one in doing things. After going through Lu Changze’s previous rookie notebooks, he found that his notes were always clear and serious. His handwriting was always clean and neat. Even if it were one of his unreasonable requests in order to make trouble for him.
It’s really distressing. If he hadn’t asked himself, Gu Xiu probably wouldn’t have known that Lu Changze had been away for five years, not two. If he did not come here in person, Gu Xiu would never know that the university was so far away from his favorite restaurant, let alone the fact that he was working part-time at the time.
Lu Changze, who brought food for him, walked a long way for him. If he hadn’t heard it with his own ears, Gu Xiu would never have known that Lu Changze paid for this with his own money and to save money, he bought rice and ate steamed buns and instant noodles all day long.
He talked to his manager, the manager who Lu Changze once worked for and he said that he was a quiet and diligent child.
If Lu Changze didn’t say anything, Gu Xiu would’ve never known that he doesn’t like coffee. Now, Gu Xiu had no chance to know what Lu Changze liked to drink.
A few years had passed since Gu Xiu went to see Lu Changze again. Except for him, no one knew that Lu Changze had passed.
Gu Xiu stubbornly kept silent, as if stubbornly keeping a secret about Lu Changze that only he knew.
Gu Xiu reached out and lightly touched the cheek of the person in the photo on the tombstone.
“I didn’t know you liked school.”
“I didn’t know you liked reading.”
“I didn’t know you could draw.”
“I didn’t know you were a good employee.”
“I didn’t know that the restaurant was that far away.”
“I didn’t know you didn’t like coffee.”
“I don’t know what you like to drink.”
“But you know what I like.”
“You’re right, I don’t know too much.”
“Lu Changze, I… miss you a lot.”
The voice was a little choked, but no one heard it.
T/N: Happy Bad End Month!
Thanks for translating this!
I cried so much