Suo Yang rang the doorbell with a sense of impending failure. He was prepared for the worst, but he was still inevitably nervous.
Even if he was prepared, even if he told himself over and over again that failure was expected, it was still undeniable that there was a glimmer of expectation sprouting that he couldn’t hold back.
Suo Yang stood upright at the door. This reminded him of a time when he failed an exam when he was in middle school. When he arrived at the door of his house, holding the paper in his hand, he was frozen and did not dare to enter. Later, his father came back from outside and took him back to the house with him.
At that time, he was worried about being scolded by his parents because he failed the exam, but in fact, the scolding he thought did not come, and his parents just told him to work hard next time.
Suo Yang knew that sometimes he liked to scare himself, and he prayed silently, hoping that this time would be just like that.
During the few seconds he waited, he didn’t even dare to breathe hard.
Finally, the sound of walking inside the door sounded again. He could hear that the other party was walking very slowly but still came to the door.
He listened to the sound of the door lock being opened, and he trembled involuntarily. He didn’t want to appear so worthless at all. He wished he could straighten his back and stand in front of his parents and tell them that he was living a good life and had a good job, that he had a great boyfriend, and that he missed them.
However, his throat seemed to be choked by something, and his lips were trembling.
The door was finally opened, and Suo Yang stepped back a little.
Inside and outside the door, the two were less than one meter apart. The mother and son had not seen each other face to face for many years.
Suo Yang originally thought he could greet this moment calmly, but when the moment finally arrived, he understood that no matter what kind of quarrels had occurred in this family, he was still looking forward to returning.
He had never been a person who cared much about others. Before meeting Shen Huiming, he felt that the only thing he could not let go of was his parents and this family.
He hadn’t taken a good look at the woman in front of me in a few years. At first glance, she didn’t seem to have changed much. But if he looked closely, he could see that there was fatigue in her eyebrows.
Suo Yang knew his mother very well. No matter whether she was outside or at home, she would always take care of herself cleanly and neatly, without even a trace of her hair being messy. Their whole family was like this. In their minds, No matter how they were, they should not expose their flaws to outsiders. Even if they were completely defeated internally, one must pretend that nothing happened.
They had long been accustomed to disguise.
However, just as Shen Huiming could discover Suo Yang’s true heart, Suo Yang could also see the changes in his mother over the past few years.
That feeling of exhaustion not only comes from the body but also from the heart.
Suo Yang could guess why.
The two people stood at the door, and neither of them spoke at first.
Suo Yang didn’t know why his mother just looked at him and said nothing. As for himself, he couldn’t speak.
He was afraid that he would cry as soon as he opened his mouth.
He had been taught since he was a child not to cry, not to cry when anything happened. One time, his father even told him, “Even if your mother and I die in the future, you can’t cry at the funeral. Do you understand?”
But Suo Yang had already made an exception.
On that New Year’s Eve a few years ago, he left home crying.
On that evening a few days ago, he hugged Shen Huiming at the airport and cried silently.
He didn’t understand it before, but now he understood that tears were just the truest expression of emotion and many times, he couldn’t control it at all. But in front of his parents, he still hoped that he would show what they wanted to see as much as possible, so he endured it, trying to hold back the tears.
Suo Yang took a few seconds to calm down and look normal.
He said, “Mom.”
The woman standing inside the door looked at him as if she was looking at someone she had known before but hadn’t seen for many years.
Not cold, but not warm either.
However, this was similar to the scene Suo Yang expected.
“Why are you back?” The question was also very calm, as if Suo Yang had just gone to study at a university in another place and suddenly returned home without telling them beforehand.
Suo Yang stood there, and he could vaguely feel the answer he wanted from the other party’s attitude.
The answer… There was still no answer.
He still couldn’t enter this home.
In this case, he didn’t plan to stay too long. He would leave quickly after saying what he wanted to say.
“I miss you guys very much.” Suo Yang said, “I have come back secretly in the past few years. I don’t dare to meet any of you. I always hide and inquire, taking a glimpse at you before leaving.”
His mother didn’t speak; she just stood there and looked at him calmly.
“Maybe you’re still angry, but there’s nothing I can do about it.” Suo Yang lowered his head, took a deep breath, and then lifted his head to look at her. “Mom, originally, I didn’t have the courage to stand here, but… I have a boyfriend now. In a while, we are planning to get married. He is the most perfect man I’ve ever met in my life, and we want to be together for the rest of our lives. This is a good thing, the happiest thing for me in many years. I wish I could tell you personally.”
Suo Yang watched his mother frown.
“I don’t expect you to accept it, but as your son, I still want to share my happiness with you. I just hope you know that, whether I’m gay or straight, whether I’m by your side or not, you are the people I respect and care about the most.” Suo Yang said, “I sincerely appreciate your care and upbringing over the years, and I genuinely hope to be a son who makes you proud, someone who can take care of you and repay you. However, there are many things we cannot change. I am gay, I am attracted to men, and I am about to marry a man I deeply love. This is my reality, and it is something that cannot and will not change.”
Suo Yang didn’t know when he started to cry. It was only when he saw his mother turn to go into the house and come back again with a tissue in her hand that he realised that the tears had even wet the front of his coat.
He had never cried like this, not even when he and Shen Huiming hugged each other at the airport that day because of the aftermath of the disaster.
Suo Yang’s mother still had a cold expression but handed her son a tissue.
This surprised Suo Yang.
“Wipe your tears,” she said, “and don’t stand at my door crying.”
It wasn’t exactly heartwarming words, but it still meant a lot to Suo Yang.
He took the tissue, and his hands were shaking as he wiped his tears.
“Why are you so thin?”
Before Suo Yang finished wiping her tears, his mother suddenly said in a cold voice, “Didn’t you find a boyfriend? Is this how you live your life?”
Suo Yang looked at her in disbelief because, to him, these words sounded a concern.
“I…am okay.” Suo Yang didn’t know what to say for a moment. He was completely unprepared to be cared for by his mother.
“Have you eaten?” His mother looked at him with a cold expression, “Come in if you haven’t eaten.”
She turned around and walked into the house, stopped after two steps, turned back and asked him, “Did you bring that boyfriend of yours back?”
Suo Yang just stood there and didn’t dare to move. He was holding the wet tissue in his hand, and he was still at a loss.
While he was standing there stupidly, Shen Huiming, who had been listening and waiting, quickly went upstairs.
Shen Huiming walked behind Suo Yang and bowed slightly, “Hello, Auntie, my name is Shen Huiming.”
He obviously saw Suo Yang’s mother frowning, but Shen Huiming didn’t particularly care. He had been prepared for potential ridicule when he followed Suo Yang here, and he was even prepared to be beaten.
However, Shen Huiming felt that there was a low chance that Suo Yang’s parents would hit him. You could often gauge the temperament of parents from their children. He didn’t think Suo Yang’s parents would be the kind to hit people.
No matter what the other person’s attitude towards him, Shen Huiming would definitely smile today.
Suo Yang’s mother stood there and looked at Shen Huiming. Before she could speak, a voice came from the room.
“Who is it?” Suo Yang’s father came out of the house with a spoon in his hand.
When he saw the child at the door, he was also startled and then stood up straight.
Suo Yang, “Dad.”
Suo Yang’s mother turned to his father and said, “He brought a boyfriend back.”
Suo Yang’s father looked past the two people in the middle, and his eyes fell on Shen Huiming.
“Hello, Uncle.” Shen Huiming introduced himself again, “My name is Shen Huiming, and I am Suo Yang’s… lover.”
There was another moment of silence, and Shen Huiming suddenly understood that every family has its own style, and the atmosphere in Suo Yang’s family really made him nervous, tense and embarrassed.
There were rare moments when Shen Huiming felt uncomfortable. After so many years of doing business, he had encountered all kinds of people and situations, and theoretically, he shouldn’t be afraid of any circumstance. However, it was evident that this time, he was facing a challenging situation.
But having said that, the reason why it was a challenging situation was only because they were Suo Yang’s parents, and Shen Huiming needed to be more cautious and attentive when facing them.
He knew very well that he would probably never become a well-liked person in this family, but at least he had to let them know that Suo Yang being with him was something they could trust.
Suo Yang’s father looked at the two people outside the door carefully and finally said, “Come in and eat.”
After saying that, he turned and returned to the kitchen.
Suo Yang and the others still didn’t dare to move, but Suo Yang’s mom urged, “Come in if you want to eat, or close the door and leave.”
She turned around and walked towards the kitchen. Shen Huiming immediately took Suo Yang’s hand and pulled him into the house.
The two of them stood in the entrance hall, looking at each other. Suo Yang’s mom suddenly turned around and said, “There are slippers in the shoe cabinet.”
When she saw the two people holding hands together, she frowned slightly but didn’t say anything else and walked away.
Suo Yang changed shoes with Shen Huiming, took two steps forward, stood at the entrance and looked into the house.
All the furnishings had not changed. They were the same as they were when Suo Yang left that year, and they are still the same now.
Shen Huiming was behind him, raising his hand and gently stroking his back, “It’s quite good. We’ve all entered the door.”
Suo Yang turned to look at him, nodded, and said softly, “Yes, this is much better than I expected.”
The author has something to say:
Thank you to the little angels who voted for me or irrigated the nutrient solution between 2020-06-08 06:02:12~2020-06-09 06:04:17~
Thank you very much for your support, I will continue to work hard!
Notes:
My tears flowed like crazy when translating this chapter. It wasn’t even sad, but I really feel glad Suo Yang’s parents are not the type to throw tantrums after not seeing their son for a few years, I also liked that the Mom knew that Suo Yang would bring back the boyfriend. It showed that their parents really care about Suo Yang, just not the same kind of care as your typical bubbly and happy family.
They cared so much but just unable to let go of their conventional way of thinking, which is totally normal, I hope the next chapter is not a plot twist or something
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my chest felt so stuffy when i read this chapter ;; i’m so proud he was able to overcome his fear and say everything he wanted to say after all those years. and coming from an asian household, his mother reaction was a lot better than my expectation. i guess since she has a similar personality with suo yang, she also knew how much courage he needed to come back and say all these things to her