Chapter 10

       Xi Feng went back to the banquet hall and told Xu Qing that he had to leave first.

       Xu Qing looked at him inexplicably, “What’s the rush? You haven’t even eaten yet?”

       Xi Feng can’t explain in detail, so he only vaguely said, “My friend is asking my help for something. You can eat first, and we will contact you by phone later.” After saying that, he no longer listened to what Xu Qing said. He turned around and ran outside.

       Xu Qing’s heart was on fire, but it was not easy to let her anger out in front of her colleagues. He could only watch Xi Feng go away, leaving a place next to her.

       Xi Feng hurriedly came out of the restaurant’s gate, and saw He Yunsheng’s car waiting for him on the side of the road, so he ran over and pulled the car door to sit in the passenger seat.

       He Yunsheng said apologetically, “I’m sorry, I disturbed your meal.”

       Xi Feng fastened his seat belt and said, “It’s okay.”

       He Yunsheng sighed secretly and started the car.

       Because it was the weekend and around lunch time, there were not many cars in the city. He Yunsheng drove for half an hour to reach their destination.

       He parked the car outside the neighbourhood, and He Yunsheng and Xi Feng got out of the car and walked inside.

       On the way there Xi Feng was depressed and he didn’t speak, and He Yunsheng was also silent until they arrived at Xu Fengjie’s parents’ house. After Xu Fengjie got divorced, he moved out alone, then committed suicide, and has been living with his parents since then.

       It was Xu Fengjie’s mother who opened the door for them. The old lady already knew that He Yunsheng was coming, so she invited them in with a rare kindness.

       The old lady walked to the door of a room, knocked on the door, and said, “Fengjie, He Yunsheng is here to see you.” After she said that, she opened the door directly and stood at the door to let He Yunsheng and the others enter.

       He Yunsheng walked ahead and stopped to wait for Xi Feng as he stood at the door.

       Xi Feng immediately followed, he could not restrain his curiosity to look towards the door of the room, wanting to see clearly what kind of person Xu Fengjie was.

       However, when he reached the door, he found that He Yunsheng suddenly held his hand.

       Xi Feng was a bit dazed, he seems to have not held hands with a man since he became an adult. He Yunsheng’s hands are not as soft as women, but clean and strong, with slender fingers and a little dry skin.

       He subconsciously rubbed the back of the other’s hand with his fingertips, and He Yunsheng glanced at him inexplicably.

       Only then did Xi Feng come back from his trance.

       He Yunsheng took his hand and walked in. Xi Feng saw that it was a simply furnished bedroom with a man lying on the bed in the middle, who sat up with support after seeing them.

       Xi Feng sized up the other side.

       Xu Fengjie looked a little haggard. He didn’t know if it was because of depression, but the whole person looked thin and pale. Even so, it can still be seen that the other party has a tall frame and handsome features, and originally he would be a remarkable man. Xi Feng has always been confident about his appearance, but now he feels that he may not be better than the other party.

       Xi Feng stared at him in a daze, whether it was He Yunsheng or Xu Fengjie, both completely overturned his impression of the gay community. He thought they should all be a bunch of twisted and feminine men.

       He Yunsheng walked up to Xu Fengjie, and said calmly, “Let me introduce you first. This is my senior from university-Xu Fengjie; this is my boyfriend-Xi Feng.”

       Xi Feng pretended to earnestly nodded towards Xu Fengjie.

       Xu Fengjie, on the other hand, looked even more gloomy. He didn’t ask more questions about Xi Feng, but only said to He Yunsheng, “Can I talk to you alone for a few minutes?”

       He Yunsheng hesitated a little when he heard the words, turned his head and said to Xi Feng, “Can you wait for me outside?”

       Xi Feng suddenly became nervous. He didn’t want to leave He Yunsheng to talk to Xu Fengjie alone. He was always worried that He Yunsheng still had some feelings left for him, and he would rekindle his old feelings when the other party begged him.

       He held He Yunsheng’s hand and didn’t let go.

       He Yunsheng looked at him strangely, “Xi Feng?”

       Xi Feng knew that he was not He Yunsheng’s real boyfriend, otherwise he could refuse to let He Yunsheng stay and talk to Xu Fengjie alone. He does not have this right now. In the end, I could only let go and say, “I’m waiting for you outside.”

       He left Xu Fengjie’s room, He Yunsheng closed the door from inside, so he had to walk to the sofa and sit down.

       After a while, Xu Fengjie’s mother poured him a cup of tea and put it on the coffee table.

       Xi Feng looked at the old lady’s wrinkled hands and haggard face, and suddenly thought of his mother, so he couldn’t help but feel a twitch in his heart. He felt sorry for the old lady. Not only was the old lady pitiful, but Xu Fengjie was also pitiful. If Xu Fengjie was not a homosexual to begin with, if Xu Fengjie got married, and he was willing to live a good life and didn’t create problems, then this family wouldn’t be like this.

       He waited outside for about twenty minutes. He felt extremely impatient, but he couldn’t show it.

       After a while, He Yunsheng pushed open the door and came out from inside, meeting the old lady’s expectant gaze, he said nothing but, “We’re leaving, I won’t come to see him again.”

       The old lady couldn’t care less about He Yunsheng and hurried into Xu Fengjie’s bedroom to see his current situation.

       He Yunsheng and Xi Feng came out of Xu Fengjie’s house one after another. They entered the elevator without speaking.

       Later, until he got into the car, Xi Feng asked him: “Did you make it clear to him?”

       He Yunsheng looked at the rearview mirror and reversed the car, “I said I am very happy now, and I hope he will not bother me.”

       Xi Feng breathed a sigh of relief when he heard this, but after a while he couldn’t help but asked again, “Do you think that he’s really given up?”

       He Yunsheng replied, “I don’t know if he has given up in his heart. But anyway, I gave up long ago. I won’t force myself to be with someone I don’t love, even if he threatens me with death, it’s useless.”

       He Yunsheng was expressionless when he said this, and Xi Feng felt a little uncomfortable.

       After driving the car out for a while, He Yunsheng seemed to suddenly come back to his senses and asked Xi Feng, “Aren’t you going back? Your girlfriend seems to be still there, right? Do you want me to take you back to the wedding banquet?”

       Xi Feng said quickly, “No, I told her I wouldn’t go back this afternoon. Let’s find a place to eat something first.”

       As soon as he said that, Xu Qing called.

       Xi Feng turned his head to answer the phone in a low voice. When he heard Xu Qing questioning him where he had gone and telling him to hurry back, he said, “I haven’t finished my business yet. You can play mahjong with your colleagues in the afternoon.”

       Xu Qing said a few words and hung up the phone a little angrily.

       He Yunsheng could guess who he was talking to and opened his mouth to speak, but in the end he didn’t say anything because he didn’t think he was in a position to meddle in Xi Feng’s business.

  Later, He Yunsheng said that because his business disturbed Xi Feng’s meal, he would be the one who would pay for the meal. Xi Feng thought for a long time, and pointed to a western restaurant that was far away. That restaurant has both food and light afternoon snacks, so that he can sit with He Yunsheng for a while longer.

       In the end, He Yunsheng was stuck in traffic for a while on his way there. When they arrived at the destination, it was already three o’clock in the afternoon.

       They sat down in a secluded corner of the restaurant and ordered a meal for one.

       Xi Feng has a huge build, by this time he was famished but he was still very satisfied that he spent so long in the car with He Yunsheng.

       They sat down and said nothing for a while, Xi Feng opened a conversation and said, “I think Xu Fengjie’s mother looks too pitiful.”

       He Yunsheng held the lemonade and looked at him.

       Xi Feng didn’t actually think too carefully about what he wanted to say. He just wanted to say a few more words to He Yunsheng, and then said, “You are like this. Have you ever thought about how the parents would feel?”

       He Yunsheng took a deep breath, as if suppressing something, he put the glass of water on the table and said, “I understand that he considers the feelings of his parents and chooses to break up, so I didn’t bother him.”

       Xi Feng said, “I don’t mean that. I mean, since he can marry a wife and have children, so can you. Why do you keep being gay, and have others pointing their fingers at you?”

       He Yunsheng couldn’t help but sneered, “Do you think I should find a woman and trick them into getting married?”

  Xi Feng was stunned by what He Yunsheng said, and he put more thought into his words, “This can’t be called a fraudulent marriage. You see, so many people get married when they are old and they feel that they are suitable for each other. Does everyone have to find someone they love to marry? Does it mean that if I don’t love the other party enough, I lied and tricked them by being married to them?”

  He Yunsheng’s fingers squeezed the glass fiercely. If he didn’t know that Xi Feng had always spoken and acted without thinking, he would splash a glass of lemonade on his face. He said, “I’m not like you. I can’t even get hard on women, and I can’t even give my wife a complete family if I get married. At that time, no matter how good I treat her, I’m still deceiving her. I won’t get married.”

       Xi Feng looked gloomy and said, “Then when you are old, you won’t have a family, and you won’t have children. Isn’t it pitiful to be alone?”

       He Yunsheng looked at him for a long time, and said in a cold voice, “Thank you for your concern.”

       Actually Xi Feng genuinely concerned about He Yunsheng, and even felt sad for the miserable old He Yunsheng he envisioned. He didn’t want He Yunsheng to become like that. He said, “I don’t understand how it is with your community, but I still think this is not right. You are too selfish. Why don’t you think about it for those who care about you.”

  He Yunsheng leaned back, he breathed heavily to calm his mood, feeling that he was almost laughing with anger, and finally said, “If you don’t understand, you don’t have to understand. This is everyone’s choice in life, not marrying a wife and having children. It is not selfish to not want to marry a wife and have children. The outcome of not wanting to let my parents down is being sorry for myself and my innocent wife. My sexual orientation is inherent, and I cannot be drowned to pursue perfection.”

       Xi Feng clasped his hands in front of him, and said, “Maybe it can be changed.”

       He Yunsheng suddenly felt that he had nothing to say to him.

       Xi Feng still did not give up, “How about you find a girlfriend to try?”

       He Yunsheng looked at him, sighed weakly, and said, “Since you are full of curiosity about our community, then I will take you to have a look.”

       The two of them ate and sat in the restaurant for a while, and He Yunsheng asked Xi Feng to get into his car.

       Xi Feng was a little nervous, “Where are we going?”

       He Yunsheng said, “To my friend’s bar.”

       Xi Feng instantly understood that the bar He Yunsheng was talking about should be a gay bar. He had never been to that kind of place, so he couldn’t help but ask He Yunsheng, “Do you go there often?”

       He Yunsheng shook his head, “I don’t, but I occasionally go for a drink.”

       Xi Feng had a drink with He Yunsheng before. He knew that He Yunsheng was very restrained in drinking. Now when he heard him say to go to the bar, he asked, “Do you drink a lot?”

       He Yunsheng glanced at him, “What do you want to ask?”

       Xi Feng stammered and said that he didn’t understand. He just thought the circle was messy. He didn’t know if He Yunsheng went to a bar to drink, or if he also had a one-night stand with others.

       But he couldn’t ask these questions.

       Since he didn’t ask, He Yunsheng naturally didn’t want to say it. He Yunsheng stayed silent and concentrated on driving.

       The bar is owned by He Yunsheng’s friend. He Yunsheng doesn’t come often but the waiters and bartenders also know him. It was early when they arrived, and He Yunsheng found a secluded corner and sat down with Xi Feng. He casually ordered two more bottles of beer.

  Someone was playing guitar and singing on the small stage of the bar. He Yunsheng put his arms on his chest and leaned on the back of the sofa chair to concentrate on listening to the song.

       Xi Feng also sat in silence, his gaze directed at the people coming in through the bar’s front door from time to time.

  The later the time, the more people in the bar. The person who originally sang on the stage went down, and was replaced by a woman in a low-cut dress. She stood in front of the microphone and sang the first line before Xi Feng realized that the person was not a woman at all, but a man in women’s clothing.

  The seats in the bar are full, and there are many people standing or sitting in front of the bar. There are men and women here, but it is not clear how many of them are male and female, because he also saw several pairs of lesbians. They were all young and beautiful women, but it’s difficult to watch them hugging.

       Xi Feng noticed that someone was looking in their direction and he suddenly felt uncomfortable. He turned his head to look at He Yunsheng, only to find that he had a bottle in his hand, and was drinking heavily.

       He Yunsheng finished a bottle and raised his hand to ask the waiter to bring another bottle.

       Xi Feng was taken aback, he grabbed He Yunsheng’s hand, “Why are you drinking so much?”

       He Yunsheng looked at him and shook his hand away, and the look in his eyes just now is filled with some lethargy and impatience.

       Xi Feng realized that He Yunsheng was in a bad mood. Perhaps he was already in a bad mood since he came back from Xu Fengjie’s place today, but his good self restraint kept him from showing it. It was not until he was sitting in the bar, under the dim and disorienting environment, that He Yunsheng started to fill the bottle with his own wine.

       The beer was not completely swallowed, and the liquid slid down his jaw to his white neck, leaving a shiny trail.

       Xi Feng noticed that a tall man was looking at He Yunsheng, and then walked towards them with a wine glass in his hand. Xi Feng immediately grabbed He Yunsheng’s wrist and said, “Stop drinking, how are you going to drive back later?”

       He Yunsheng said irritably, “I will take care of myself. If you don’t like it here, you can leave first.”

       Hearing his impatient tone, Xi Feng realized that he was already half-drunk.

       At this time, the tall man had already walked to their table, swaying the wine glass in his hand and yelled, “Yunsheng.”

       Xi Feng was taken aback, He Yunsheng looked up, and then sat up, “Cong ge*?”

       The man called Cong Yu, is the friend He Yunsheng said, the owner of this bar. He used to come from the same school as He Yunsheng and Xu Fengjie, and he watched the two people from the time they met to the time they got together to the time they finally broke up.

       Cong Yu sat down on the sofa, put the wine glass on the table, and said to He Yunsheng, “Drink with the glass.”

       He Yunsheng looked at him and let out a laugh.

       Cong Yu raised his jaw in the direction of Xi Feng, “Friend?”

       He Yunsheng said, “Company colleague.”

       Xi Feng did not expect that he was not even a friend to He Yunsheng, but just a colleague of the company. He felt something choking his heart.

       But He Yunsheng didn’t care about those, and said to Cong Yu, “I went to see Xu Fengjie today.”

       Cong Yu sighed when he heard the words, and said, “I’ve visited him before, and he’s really not very good.”

  Xi Feng took a sip of the wine bottle depressedly, stood up and said, “I’m going to the bathroom.” He really did not want to sit there and listen to He Yunsheng and that person talk about his previous emotional entanglements. However, he felt unwilling to leave him just like this, and Xi Feng himself can’t figure out why he felt that way.

       He grabbed the waiter on the way and asked for the direction of the restroom. When he walked over and pulled open the door of the men’s room, he saw someone in a skirt walking out and was so scared that he leaned against the door.

       As a result, the woman walked up to him and gave a raspy laugh. It wasn’t until he touched his chest that he realized that this person was a man.

       The man in a skirt and a wig said to him, “Gege**, please buy me a drink.”

       Xi Feng suddenly felt sick. He pushed the man away and said, “Go away!” Then he went to the bathroom, hesitated in front of the urinal, and finally went to the compartment and locked the door.

       He was standing in front of the toilet, thinking of the mess of people in this bar, and he was upset. Just like the man who touched him just now, he wanted to send him home with a punch. The man doesn’t look good in it, why was he wearing a skirt pretending to be a woman?

       Xi Feng stood for a long time to suppress his anger, opened the zipper to pee, and made a decision as soon as he finished the pee. He wanted to go back now and take He Yunsheng away. This kind of environment is really not suitable for He Yunsheng. In his memory, He Yunsheng has always been a clean and decent man and shouldn’t become a degenerate.

       He strode out of the bathroom, ignoring the various demons and monsters who had been talking to him all the way. But his full momentum wilted when he saw Cong Yu put He Yunsheng on his shoulders. He thought that since Cong Yu opened gay bar, he must be gay. He Yunsheng is alone now, and it is hard to guarantee that there won’t be any ambiguous development with this person surnamed Cong.

       He Yunsheng was still drinking, and even Cong Yu began to grab his glass and told him to stop drinking.

       Xi Feng walked over and yelled lightly, “He Yunsheng?”

       Cong Yu saw him coming and helped He Yunsheng stand up and said, “You’re his colleague, can you please take him home? He’s had too much to drink, it’s best not to let him drink any more.”

       Xi Feng also had this idea, and he quickly stepped forward to support He Yunsheng and said, “I will take him away now.”

       He Yunsheng pushed him and said, “Cong ge, I’m fine, I know what I’m doing.”

       Cong Yu looked a little helpless, and he said to Xi Feng, “Yunsheng is not a good drinker, he can still talk clearly now, but I guess he won’t be able to once he leaves this door, so don’t give him any more drinks.”

       Xi Feng said, “I also thought about telling him to stop drinking, and I will send him home.”

       Cong Yu nodded, and first called a chauffeur. Sure enough, as he said, while waiting for the chauffeur, He Yunsheng became more and more drunk.

  When the chauffeur came, Cong Yu helped Xi Feng help He Yunsheng out together, and then told the address of the driver He Yunsheng’s home. Then he bent down and said to Xi Feng who was sitting in the back seat, “Be careful on the road, I’m sorry to trouble you. “

       Xi Feng put his arm around He Yunsheng’s waist, and said, “Don’t worry, leave it to me. I will definitely send him home.”

       The drunken He Yunsheng did not make a fuss, but quietly leaned his head on Xi Feng’s shoulder and slept.

       Xi Feng was afraid that his glasses would squeeze off, so he first reached out to help him take it off, and used his fingers to sweep his hair that was a bit messy on his cheeks.

       He is a person in his thirties, how come he looks like a child when he is drunk? Xi Feng stared at He Yunsheng’s face in a daze, as he thought to himself.

  The chauffeur took them safely to the parking lot of He Yunsheng’s neighborhood. Xi Feng got out and paid for the car, and only after the chauffeur returned the keys to him and left did he go to the back seat and try to wake He Yunsheng up.

       He Yunsheng was not so drunk that he was unconscious, he opened his eyes and asked in a daze, “Who are you?”

       Xi Feng was a little hurt, but he thought he didn’t have to bother with a drunk, so he simply carried him out of the car relying on his own strength.

The author has something to say:

I have a plan on the next chapter

*ge = way of saying brother

**gege = big brother

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1 Comment

  1. irish

    i dont get why instead of blaming someone who cant even accept their own son, and is so stressed over absolutely nothing, they choose to blame the person who only wanted to be with the person they love. why isnt that selfish? why is the person who wants to br loved and love the one that is selfish? doesnt everyone have a chance to live their own life the way they want? why care sm about how other ppl thinks? having a wife and a kid doesnt mean you’ll be happy as well ah. i can have a big family and still feel unhappy bcs i cant be with the person i want to be with. being gay doesnt mean i wont have a family too, what about couples who dont have a child? are they not a family? cant they have a full filling life? they can. xi feng kept going on and on about how gay ppl are gonna alone but have it never crossed his mind that gay ppl can be in a long lasting relationship too? just like any other straight couples?


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